Sexual counselling & advice for DH problems

[BlueRunner]

I'd love some advice from people who've tried sexual counselling - did it work? How did you find a counsellor, via GP or another route? How do you choose a good one?

Back story, DH & I have been together 9 years & our sex life is pretty non existent. DH was 36 when we met & had never had sex with anyone. He is very confident socially & had snogged & groped a lot of previous girls but froze in bed. He has trouble getting & maintaining an erection & also trouble finishing. We managed to get things a bit better, to the point where we now have 2 lovely DCs through a mix of long, hard work sessions & turkey basting...

But we're now hoping for DC3 & to be honest you could whistle for one. Life with small children has taken its toll & DH now can't get an erection at all. I've also lost interest over the years in the fun side, he makes me so sore & cramped legs & is totally focused on himself so there's v little in it for me. I rather dread sex now but I would love a baby & the fact we're TTC is putting the pressure on him. He's never sought any professional advice, other than when we first met he thought his foreskin was too tight & I sent him to his GP to get checked - it was fine. So I've no idea whether his problem is more physical or mental.

So what to do? I suspect the best way to get a baby is the softly softly approach, reducing the pressure while keeping track of the best days to BD. But I'm also really sad about the loss of fun & after 9 years I would love some outside help as I don't think we can manage between ourselves to get a good sex life. It doesn't have to be amazing but just good enough! I haven't talked to him about counselling but think that should be an option at some point. Any thoughts please?

Anyone? I'd love some help, & for obvious reasons this is pretty hard to discuss with people in the real world!

Didn't want to read and run but I think you should start with the doctor and go from there. If nothing else they should know who best to refer you to

Do you have any employee assistance programmes through work? I got counselling through that. Work never know that you use it or the reasons. But there is a pot of money for limited number of sessions (6 in my case) however that was three years ago and I still go privately now for my mental health.
If not I suggest as a previous poster that the Dr is the first port of call.

I'd definitely go to the GP about this one. Highly likely to be psychological in my experience - 2 of my friends had similar difficulties and they found it to be psychological. Doesn't make it any easier to fix, of course, but helps to know, and to get professional advice.

This might be better off posted in relationships? You might get more responses there. Good luck x

You might also want to book an appointment for your DH in a GUM clinic. They sometimes have specialists in erectile dysfunction issues.

Thank you! Yes the GP is probably the best starting point. I just worry this is a lot to cover in a 10 min appt... I'll check out the employee assistance programme too, thanks for the idea.

I'm just struggling to find a good time to talk about this with DH, I had to really force him to the GP about his foreskin worries before as he was so resistant. It feels like the elephant in the room at the mo, as he couldn't do anything at the weekend & that's the 4th egg we've missed since deciding we want DC3. I'm sure he feels bad too but he's never wanted to discuss it. Big sigh.