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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Difficulties in conceiving a second baby

23 replies

maximum74 · 07/02/2007 20:27

DS conceived very quickly - a bit of a surprise!. He will soon be 2 and expected (foolishly) that number 2 would come along as quickly. Finally went to GP today after a year of trying and he has suggested blood tests. Pleased, as I expected him to laugh me out of the surgery. Have tried ovulation test kits but inconclusive. According to them I do not ovulate despite having regular periods. What a waste of money. Have you seen the price of them!!! I know it sounds silly but becoming panicky of an increasing age gap between 1 and 2 and seem to be wishing my life away when I konw I should be living for the present and enjoying gorgeous DS. Is anyone else in the same boat or have any suggestions?

OP posts:

yomellamoHelly · 07/02/2007 20:33

Fell pg first month of trying with ds1. Took 15 months with ds2. Felt like forever and wasn't helped by regular blood tests (for other reasons) and the accompanying appointments where I'd be told I wasn't pregnant btw - as if I didn't know already!). Hopefully it'll happen for you before too long. FWIW I LOVE the 3.2 yr age gap between them though I originally wanted them much closer than that. Ds1 has started nursery and I get to spend the morning cuddling ds2 without worrying about making ds1 jealous.

beansprout · 07/02/2007 20:37

We are in the same boat. Ds at the first time of asking and have been ttc no.2 since June. You are not alone!

ammylovesolivia · 07/02/2007 20:42

Are there any studies that show no.2 is harder to concieve?

pesme · 07/02/2007 20:45

yep, its a misery isn't it. you probably do ovulate those tests are abit hit and miss in my opinion. you could try temperature charting but i think that just fuels the flames of irrational obsession. i just had the results of my blood test back and i am oving. relax. your ds is still quite young and maybe you are not physically or mentally ready. my only suggestion is not to listen to suggestions as you will drive yourself mad. my dd is 3 and i am v. sad about the age gap but trying to get on with life and accept it may not happen or if it does i can't really control the timing. take care.

Original poster

maximum74 · 07/02/2007 20:58

I think secondary infertility is quite common but probably not talked about that much for fear of looking selfish. People think you already have one so whats the problem. Doesn't help that all the women at the toddler groups are all having or have had number 2.

OP posts:

USAUKMum · 07/02/2007 21:16

maxiumum, i don't have experience of the myself, but just this lunchtime read an article about secondary infirtility in this months Junior. Believe the quote was around up to 20% of couple experience some level of this. You may want to read it.

USAUKMum · 07/02/2007 21:18

BTW it isn't up on the website yet, as I have a subscription, otherwise would've linked it. But should be in the shops this weekend I think.

readyandwaiting · 07/02/2007 21:18

we're ttc no 2 and the amount of people that have 9mo olds and pg with no 2 - i know of 5!

i don't think that all those ttc talk about it generally - we had issues having ds and once i was pg the amount of people who told me the problems they've had... would have been reassuring to hear about it when ttc am sure its the same with no2

i could have written the last bit of your post 'I know it sounds silly but becoming panicky of an increasing age gap between 1 and 2 and seem to be wishing my life away when I konw I should be living for the present and enjoying gorgeous DS'

Hope all goes well with GP and hope you get some answers/reassurance

nearlythree · 07/02/2007 21:22

No experience of this but my friend is 18 wks after ttc no 2 for 2 yrs - her dd is 5 - she's not worried about the age gap as it will give her lots of lovely baby time whilst dd is at school.

lizziemun · 07/02/2007 22:34

I didn't have the same problem took us 18mth for me to get pg 1st time.

We didn't realy start ttc for 2nd baby, but dh through away my pill as it was making me deranged, when dd was 10mth old. It took another 18mth for me to pg again unfortunly ended in a miscarried at 6 weeks. I'm now pg again and dd will be about 3yrs 7mths when this one arrives.

I think what i am trying to say, is to try not to get so locked into thinking that it's not going to happen and try to enjoy what you have.

pucca · 07/02/2007 22:37

It took us longer to concieve 2nd and i know quite a number of couples who were the same, one couple i know tried for almost 2 yrs for no 2, they are now expecting twins lol...the husband said its like waiting for a bus, none then 2 come at once!

I think a lot of people expect no 2 to be easier to get pregnant with but obviously it is not the case.

Good luck with TTC and i hope it happens soon.

Original poster

maximum74 · 08/02/2007 07:53

Thanks for the support. I know it is still early days so will try and put it to the back of my mind. Will definitely look for the article in Junior. Thanks for the tip.

OP posts:

Aderyneryn · 08/02/2007 08:42

Yes, it took me 12 months to conceive DD2. I got pregnant quickly 2 times inbetween DD1 and DD2 but miscarried and then took 7 cycles to conceive the baby I now have (well, she's 16 months)

So, my case is a bit different but it was significant to DH and I as we still spent 12 months worrying we wouldn't have a second baby. I became quite depressed seeing everyone around me conceive #2 without any problems. It's so difficult to avoid pregnant women and babies when you already have a child who needs to be taken out of the house.

I too stressed about the larger age gap. In the end our gap is just shy of 3 years and now I wouldn't have it any other way. It's so true when people say you get used to what ever gap you are given.

KTeePee · 08/02/2007 08:54

I experienced this - have a 4 year age gap between 1 and 2. No problems conceiving no1 (and hope this will cheer you up - no problems conceiving no3 either!)

I was very worried about a bigger age gap meaning they would not be close - but in fact they all get on quite well. (And it is actually easier having an older child and a baby rather than a toddler and a baby!)

Never really found out why I had problems conceiving - I did feel that 1st pregnancy had possibly knocked my system out of balance - periods came back after 6 months but were very irregular which made it hard to predict when I was ovulating. I did blood tests for a few months and they showed that hormone levels were not as they should be, tried clomid, didn't work. I then had a procedure called histalopingogram? similar to laproscopy but not surgical, got pregnant shortly after even though it didn't show anything wrong with my tubes, maybe it blew away the cobwebs!

I really feel for anyone going through this (or any infertility really) - it was the hardest thing emotionally I have ever gone through... easier said than done but try not to let it take over your life.....

LunarSea · 08/02/2007 09:49

Sounds like your doc is doing the right thing in any case. We'll have a 5.5 year age gap between ours, partly due to a GP who took the view that "if you've got one there can't be a problem" (never mind that we had to try for over 4 years for him, but one early m/c was enough then to prove there was no problem!)

cedar12 · 08/02/2007 11:22

Please dont stress about age gaps my daughter is 3.9 and we havent had number two yet. Not for want or trying I had two ectopic pregnancys. You cant plan everything in life i am sure it will happen dont let it rule your life i did this for to long and feel like I have missed out on dd. Hopefully we wil finally have number two, dd will be be at school, but i will be able to do all the baby things again. Get it looked into and dont let dr fob you off, but try and relax(I know easier said than done!)I have a friend who has a 6 year gap because she was just enjoying dd1 to much. The older one really looks after the little one. I hope to have 3 children so might have a smaller gap between 2 and 3.

wattie · 06/03/2007 00:23

so how long does it normally take to get back into cycle after a baby and bf for 6 months? Dd now 9 months and no sign of anything yet. would like to try for next one but feel not even off the starting block yet

lissielou · 06/03/2007 21:04

it took us 6y ttc with ds and since then (hes 22m) weve had 3 confirmed mc's 2 suspected and 1ep, we are going to see a specialist this month, but you are most def NOT alone. i used to think it was the age gap that was important, not any more tho.

vvvvvvv · 06/03/2007 21:06

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lissielou · 06/03/2007 21:14

ikwym, i think, ive done it once, surely i should be getting better at it by now!

minx69 · 08/03/2007 13:19

Secondary infertility is alot more common that people realise, as someone said on here we tend to hush it away for fear of being thought of as selfish or greedy.
Doesn't help when alot of docs tell you as much and refuse to refer you as quickly as a first timer, even if time isnt on your side (I will be 32 soon).

My suggestion? Go back to the docs.

minxi · 10/03/2007 11:20

A friend of mine had secondary infertility - 1st one conceived first month of ttc - the second one took 5 years!! Her DS is 10 and DD is 1 week!! Not everyone has problems though... Keep trying!!

lissielou · 10/03/2007 12:41

now we know we have fertility probs (my remaining tube is v pants) our doc says we arent eligable for nhs funding thru ivf coz we ahve 1 already. dont see how thats fair esp since its their fault we're having these probs!

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