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Original poster

single yearning for a baby

9 replies

Singlelady · 25/09/2016 14:24

Hi
This isn't in the right place but I don't know were to post it
I'm a single, 21 year old single, student in no situation to have a baby nor any intentions in the near future because it wouldn't be right. So What's the problem? I want a baby so badly it hurts. When I see other people who I went to school with pregnant it's like a stab in the heart. My best friend is expecting and I am unbelievably excited but it also makes me want to curl into a ball and cry. She's married and pregnant at 21 and I have nothing. I love kids and I'm great with them (If i do say so myself). I know I can't have one now but I'm so terrified I'm never going to find someone to have a baby with. I'm unattractive and no one wants me. So my question is does anyone have any suggestions on how I can get past these feelings? It's genuinely getting me down even though i know it is really stupid Sad

OP posts:
ohnoonoo · 25/09/2016 14:29

Sorry I don't have any advice but I feel exactly the same as you and I'm the same age. It's a horrible feeling to want something so badly knowing you can't have it. I have an OH who I love but he's not going to be ready for a good few years. I know it's the sensible thing but it's really hard. Feel free to PM me. Would be so nice to speak to someone my age in the same situation!

Ninasimoneinthemorning · 25/09/2016 14:31

It's not stupid.

You have a nurturing need and some people get it bad, for others it's a symptom of something else going on in there life.

I had my first at 16, which obviously was way too young and I'm on my last, I'm 37 and to be honest the more older I've got, the more money I had and patience. My eldest (21) is just returning from her summer travels, something I bitterly regret doing.

My point is - you have loads of years a head of you to start a family. From now till 35 you have a great chance of having a baby by IVF so you wouldn't even need a bloke any way!

Have you many kids in your family ?

Original poster
Singlelady · 25/09/2016 14:47

I know. The thing is my rational brain knows that I have time and if I was in the right situation I would have a baby on my own but my emotional brain just won't listen.

I have a big family of cousins (I'm second youngest) who all have little one's and then as I mentioned my best friend is expecting

Thank-you for replying Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
Singlelady · 25/09/2016 14:50

aww it's nice to know I'm not the only one! It feels like everyone around me is pregnant or has a little one!

OP posts:
Ninasimoneinthemorning · 25/09/2016 15:19

I wanted to get pregnant at 16 as I didn't have a good relationship with my parents and I wanted to create my own family. I dont regret dd1 but I did miss out on such a lot.

Have you got a career path your following? Do you want to travel?

I've had IVF three times, worked twice. My gay friend (woman) has has a little boy so don't worry about not being in a relationship.

Make the most of your youth op because kids make you old very quick ! Wink

Original poster
Singlelady · 25/09/2016 15:38

Yeah, I mean I've tried to figure out if its something else and as much as i've had a ruff 6 months these feelings have been with me much longer. Yeah I'm a psychology student and I want to be a clinical psychologist which is one of the many reasons it wouldn't be a good idea for me to have a baby until I get all my qualifications. I would like to travel but I don't think I'd be bothered if that doesn't happen.

I guess I'm just gonna have to settle for cuddles with everyone else's babies and wait till the time is right whether I like it or not :). My best friend who's pregnant doesn't have much of a support network beyond her husband so she's wanted me very involved with the pregnancy and wants me to be involved with the baby and actually being with her through her pregnancy and stuff has helped a little.

Thanks for all your kind words and advice Smile

OP posts:
delilahbucket · 25/09/2016 16:08

I hadn't son at 23. Unplanned and I had never intended to have a child so young. I felt I missed out on so much in life having him then. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change having him for the world, but I wouldn't have chosen to do it so soon. I'm 31 now and it's only the last couple of years I've discovered which parts of life I will never get to experience. Savour your youth, it's a long time gone.

physicskate · 25/09/2016 17:45

OP I promise you would miss out by not traveling. This is a big world to explore. Plan a big (and cheap) trip over next summer. Railing around Europe? A trip out traveling in Oz? Thailand? Keep your mind busy.

I've always had those feelings come in waves. Currently 32 and TTC for 6 months. Married for 2 years (but together for 6). I own a home and am established in my career, but recently decided I want to change employers. Very very torn between the two as they aren't very compatible!

There is someone for everyone - make the most of those student years and get out and enjoy yourself! My working hours are now too long so I get home knackered. Few friends. I don't go out much anymore, but at least I took advantage of my 20s!

haveacupoftea · 25/09/2016 18:27

I think you need to work on your self esteem before having a baby, and book a big trip or something to focus on until then. You need to take this step when it is right for you, not because your friend is doing it and you feel left behind.

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