Ttc over 2 years but can't have treatment

[fizzandsparkles]

Hi
Just wondered if there was anyone in the same boat as me for a bit of support for each other.
I'm 38 ttc 2 years plus and have ds who is 4. For this reason my GP refuses to help me - I have cried and begged. We can't afford private IVF and dh isn't keen on the idea even if we could.
So that's it really. I don't belong on any of the boards here. The ones where people are going 'out of their minds' because it hasn't happened on cycle 1 or 2 for them drive me mad. I get enough baby bombs in real life not to be on a board where they are constant and I can't join in on long term ttc-ers boards because they are all having investigations or treatment.
I would love just to be able to chat about what it's like to be in this limbo, month after month I get my hopes up and every time the crushing disappointment. Venting and hand holding would be good

Are you still with the father of your dc or a new partner? If a new partner i suppose there could be issues his end....

Anyway firstly I would try a different gp. In our area a couple having a child already would not be able to get ivf however i'd be surprised if some preliminary investigations weren't possible.

Failing that get in touch with a fertility clinic and they may be able to help without going down the ivf route. For example after lots of tests I eventually conceived with the help of clomid. It must be possible to get this privately for much cheaper than ivf.

Fizz you're right in that you wouldn't be eligible for Clomid/IVF on the NHS but you are entitled to preliminary investigations such as your baseline blood tests for FSH/LH/oestrogen/day 21 progesterone and thyroid function tests plus others depending on what your cycle is like. Have a read of the NICE guidelines on fertility to get as much information as you can and then go and see another GP.

Thanks frazzled and pretty. I'm with the same partner. I had the day 3 and 21 blood tests last year sometime - the GP was dismissive and said they 'looked fine'. Dh is very much of the mindset that we are so blessed with ds that if it happens it happens and would not want to push for tests. Which does leave me in limbo. I've tried everything vitamins wise, acupuncture and reflexology. I was told by the GP that this CCG area has a policy for no assistance for people with children already. I guess I just wondered if it was just me in this position and whether anyone needed support or a rant at the unfairness of it all. Af arrived a day early this month and once again I had driven myself mad thinking it could be the month. No one in real life gets what I'm going through - I just get platitudes of - you just need to relax, you should be grateful for your position and it will happen I know it. I'm sick of hearing it all to be honest

Hi, we are in a similar position to you, although we have only been trying for 15 cycles. Just entering number 16 now. We were given tests and found out that dp has antisperm antibodies and I have a low egg reserve for my age, but that was where our help ended as I have a ds from a previous relationship. We were told the diagnosis and then had a leaflet and price list handed to us. We're in limbo too. We haven't got £5000 to go private, despite the nurse and consultant seeming to think it grows on trees . We could borrow it but then we're putting ourselves in debt for either a failed attempt or having to pay it back while I'm on maternity leave (self employed so not great pay).
Dp has just started Wellman vitamins and cut right back on alcohol to see if it improves his count (at least then there will be more of the good ones in theory).
I would arrange to see a different gp if you can and see if you can get further tests. I have had day three hormones and thyroid, prolactin and fsh. I also had all my vitamin and mineral levels checked. I haven't had my progesterone checked but I don't know why. Dp has had two sperm checks, one basic one and one called the swim up test which showed the antibodies. I have been offered a further test for amh to look at my egg reserves in more detail but this is £60.

Hi there, I'm 37 with a 3yr old dd and ttc #2 for almost 2 years. Also not entitled to any help second time around and it's driving me crazy!! Have had recent investigations for endometriosis as possible problem (they only did this on basis of pain and not fertility). Upshot was that my uterus, left ovary & bowel are fused together and couldn't confirm or deny presence of endo or check my tubes due to the organs being fused. Am left frustrated with no answers. My dh is also less worried than me. I'm really down about it which I know doesn't help (I'm having acupuncture too & keep being told how important keeping mood & stress levels in check is). It's rubbish isn't it? Vent away ladies

Hi
Sorry to hear there are others in similar positions but also good to be able to talk. No one in real life gets it once you've had a child and can't have another. delilah I know what you mean about the money - it's given as an easy alternative, like that kind of money is easily available.

Fanlight how frustrating for you. It really is a horrible position we're in. Definitely venting here needed! I've tried acupuncture too as I was told I was very stressed - hope it helps you

I was kind of in your situation a few years ago, couldn't get NHS help.

Can you afford to have private tests done? E.g a sperm count and new tests for yourself. These might uncover a cause which is easier (and cheaper) to treat. This is what we did. You won't necessarily need IVF. I know how hard it is though as I remember being in this situation

I was in a similar situation to you, DH has children already so u get no fertility treatment on the nhs. I found a lovely gp who did all the tests for fertility and refered me to a consultant where the nhs paid for help ended. I ended up going to the Czech Republic to get ivf which
cost £2500 or so for ivf and £800 for all the drugs - not cheap but better than UK prices.

Boris can I ask, by the time you had covered flights and accommodation, was it still much cheaper for you? I had a brief look at flights for this but without knowing how many visits we would need or how long we would have stay for, it was hard to work it out.

Delilah - yes - drugs were cheaper by circa £200, ivf with Icsi was about half price, flights and hotels cost us £550 for 7 days low season. Scans in the UK cost £200 which we wouldn't have paid for separately in the UK. food was much cheaper there than here so we could treat ourselves. We live in an expensive part of the UK for ivf - going overseas was just over half the price of doing it here and we had side trips to Prague and vienna for fun. We needed ICSI due to spermies issues, which is done as standard at no extra cost in the Czech Republic and costs £1k a time here.

Thanks Boris. We also need icsi. We would struggle to go abroad for more than a night at a time though due to my son. We've been quoted £4750 for icsi including drugs which seems to be quite cheap compared to some places. We're still very much undecided. Putting ourselves in to debt currently seems like a ridiculous idea.

Delilah my husband only travelled for 2 nights / one day due to child care issues.
The price you've been quoted seems cheap costs down here are about that excluding drugs and drugs cost another £1k ...
I guess only you can judge your finances but debt seems daft - but plenty of couples do go into debt to do ivf. For what it's worth I made sure that somehow we could pay for three cycles in a year (by saving /cancelling holidays / overtime etc) as I was worried if we did one cycle that failed Id want to try again.