Is this feeling just hormones? Planned pregnancy but not feeling happy

[Marshmellow]

Hi,
Dh and i have been trying for some time and eventually decided to settle with our lot and stop pursuing the idea of a 3rd....3 days later i had a positive test! Should be elated but feel more deflated and can't seem to get excited. Spent last night crying all night feeling bad because i don't want to be pregnant (how awful is that?) I really wanted another, love being a mum etc but the whole shock of it actually happening has surprised me by how much i don't want things to change! I have just started a new job,loving it more than i could have imagined and feel things have moved on from the days when we first started trying. I just want things to go back as they were, i am seeing this more as a problem than a pleasurable announcement! Could this be hormones or do i genuinely not want things to alter?!

Hi Marshmellow

It could easily be your hormones, as each time I've been pg since DD, I have had the same feelings, as life does seem perfect with just her, but I do want another baby. Unfortunately, in both my cases the pgs ended in mc and we are back TTC, as while I'm not pg, I so desperately want to be.

I think it may be fear of change, if we are settled and happy how we are, even a beautiful baby is going to affect things in a way that will alter life forever and that is very scary!

Don't worry too much about it and concentrate on being healthy. Hopefully, you'll have more idea of how you really feel in a few days, when you're more used to the idea of being pg.

take care
x

So glad to hear such kind words. Feel really bad for feeling like this and know i would be devastated if i had a mc but do feel very scared of what it means for the two existing children, finances and my health. I nearly died last time and without wanting to go into the whole ins and outs of it, the whole experience has obviously left me more traumatised than i thought. It is a very lonely experience when you realise you don't have control over your body and there might not always be a cure or a way to save you. Can't really explain it but feel now, just like i did after i had my 'near death experience' for want of a less cliche saying! Very out of control and that my body is now going to continue on a 9 month journey that i can do nothing about.

That +ve test is the point of no return - having a child is so life-changing, quite apart from the immense body changes,the prospect of labour etc., that however much you want it, it is bound to be scary. I have had that 'FFS what have I done' feeling in all my pregnancies (1 successful, 3 miscarried - all wanted). It was particularly pronounced at the beginning of my third pregnancy, which wasn't entirely expected, and I felt horrendously guilty when I mc - but I now know I needn't have. It is, as you say in your previous post, about being out of control - but you will gradually gain control of that out-of-control-ness (iyswim) and will feel better.

i would like to bet in a years time this third baby is the best thing you ever did

agree with FIT - it's that feeling of 'I can't go back now'. I had it with DS2 who was planned, but I got pg much quicker than expected (first try). I irrationally felt that I'd had no control over it and hadn't thought through whether it was what I wanted - even though it definitely was!

I also felt incredibly guilty that I didn't have the same feeling of elation that I had when I found out I was pg with DS1.

It took me a couple of months to start feeling great about the new chapter of our life.

Obviously as soon as he was born it was like we'd never been without him

I bet in a years time a will be thinking that having a third was a fab decision. It is all so life changing and i think jumping from 2 to 3 is so different from 1 to 2. Feel guilty to my exisiting 2, feel guilty for wishing my work independence didn't have to come to an end, feel guilty for not wanting anything to change and enter into the unknown! It is so reassuring to hear that these feelings are not totally alien to everyone. Just want to cry all the time! As there's going to be a 5 year age gap i do also feel that life has moved on a fair bit and feel guilty that holidays are going to be more restricted and alot of things are going to have to change. Alot of guilt basically!!

Don't beat yourself up about having all these mixed emotions... hormones are very powerful things!! All the best!