I know I'm not going to have another baby but I can't bring myself to tell my friends/family

[wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe]

so we've been ttc for 21 months. no success, dh has low sperm count so realistically it's just not going to happen esp considering he reacted badly to vitamins supposed to help these things along.

I resigned myself to the fact there just wasn't going to be another baby in May when I missed a period and gp and all told me i must be pregnant and I turned out not to be. The realization was confirmed in August when dh had his diagnosis.

Thing is, although I don't count days any more, I don't think about "should I eat/drink this in case", I don't count days up to af and think about the 2ww, and I don't simptom spot any more. In fact I've even thought about the future with just ds etc. But when friends/family ask, I just can't bring myself to tell them that there aren't going to be any more babies. Yes lots of them know we've been ttc for a while, but most just say "oh it will happen, it's not been that long, these things take time", and my mum keeps asking ds if he'd "like a baby brother or sister". And we haven't even told ILs we've been trying without success.

I know I should tell them, esp mine and dh's parents who will be expecting another grandchild, but I just can't bring myself to do it. It's like admitting it to others means I have to admit it to myself iyswim, and yet I feel I have admitted it to myself.

sorry waffle over now

wait until you're ready; perhaps you need to think thru whether it easier to have them mentioning it regularly or if you tell them if they'll stop bringing it up - which will be less painful to you.

It's your life your decision. All the best.

my ex dh had an extremely low count and they told us that it would take ivf to conceive because naturally it just wouldn't happen so we gave up and 7 months later I fell pregnant, sometimes giving up is the key, the whole family was shocked as we were too! Counts change they don't always stay low and it only took one determined one.

How was your DS conceived?

Have you thought about IVF? (My DS was conceived through IVF as DH's sperm count is low)

Have you read Zita West's book on Fertility and Conception. It is very good. There may be ways of slightly improving matters without tablets.

And as others have said - it only takes one! We have all heard of so many cases where peole gave up trying and then got PG.

If you don't feel up to actually telling people maybe say something like "sometimes it's not quite as easy as the books tell you" and leave it at that. I have said that to a few people.

Hugs - know what you are going through.

Fio you are right of course J.

Buffy?smum it doesn?t really bother me to talk about it as such, I?m more than comfortable telling people that ?well we?d like another baby but the fertility gods aren?t exactly smiling on us?, although I?m not that forthcoming re the reasons for our infertility as I know that dh does still blame himself for it and it?s not for me to go round telling people that dh has low sperm count iyswim. Most people are surprisingly understanding, the one who does annoy me intensely is my mum esp her asking ds if he?d like mummy to have another baby when she nows full well how long we?ve been trying etc, and it has left me having to answer to ds when he?s asked me if I?m going to have another baby then. I feel that it?s my place to tell ds if/when it is appropriate that he?s likely to not have a sibling and that in reality it?s none of my mum?s business. As for ILs, my mil would never be so insensitive as to ask if/when we will have another baby, but I know that she would love another grandchild as she adores ds and I think it?s unlikely that sil will have any children as she?s too caught up in her career atm and really isn?t that maternal/doesn?t really want children at the moment, and that even if she does, she?s thinking of moving to Canada in the next year or so with her job so any children she does have are unlikely to really have a relationship with my mil. But I kind of feel that she has a right to know that there isn?t going to be another grandchild on our part because I feel that she shouldn?t be left hoping for another one iykwim.

Budababe my ds was conceived naturally after 13 months of trying. Ironically we went for tests the month I fell pregnant. Dh had sperm test and dr told him it was on the low side and that he had to go back in three months for another test but of course by then I was pregnant. This time count was very low, sample only contained 5 million sperm and of those only 1 million were normal. IVF isn?t really something I want to embark on. I have the utmost respect/admiration for anyone who goes through the process of IVF but it?s just not for me, I?ve seen too many people go through the emotional rollercoaster with no end result. I do have my ds and I know that I have everything to be thankful for and that really I should be grateful for the things I do have rather than wanting the things I don?t/can?t have.

I only ever feel like this in the run up to af, af due on Saturday and I?ve had some spotting which has stopped and every time something like this happens I ask myself why I can?t just draw a line under it. It?s like an unfinished thing in my life if that makes sense? I?m not horribly sad/miserable about it, I just wish I could put it behind me once and for all.

perhaps the best solution is going to explain "we are not going to be able to have any more children unless we have IVF/invasive fertility treatment; we have decided that we are not planning to go down that route for various reasons" I think it's a very hard thing to draw a line under.

I have 4 children and at this moment I def do not want anymore but am reluctant to get sterilised etc because that would be drawing a line under any future children for any reason. I feel like that after having the 4 I have always wanted it must be so incredibly hard to get on with life not having had the number of children you do want.

Give your self time and accept it is perfectly ok and normal to be sad, if you can do that and not get sucked into a depressive state then you are in a good (though sad) place.

Wishing you a miracle baby when you least expect it...........

perhaps you should talk to your Mum and ask her to stop saying stuff to your ds, perhaps you need to point out that it is not fair on him to say this whether or not you wanted/had/didn't want any more children. Is it your mum just wanting to express her desire for more grandchildren in an indirect way so you don't tell her to shut up?????

I do think you need to sort your mum out! It sounds like much of the stress would go if only she wasn't talking to your ds about wanting a brother or sister. It's not fair on your ds for one thing - I think it must be confusing for him and may sound like something you might just suddenly 'do' one day, he knows not when!

It might make life simpler for you if you explain to both sets of GPs that you have been trying for a long time, and while you will accept what might come naturally you will certainly not be trying other methods of conception like IVF. End of story. And I think be very clear with your mum that you are asking her to stop asking your ds about wanting a sibling, as it's something that you have no control over therefore it's unfair to raise his expectations.

I do wish you the very best of luck for the future....

I have nothing worth adding... just wanted to give you a ((hug)).