How young is too young?

[Hayden7833]

Hey guys! im new here and would like to know how young is too young trying for a baby?

I am 21 myself and my partner is 26, we both have a home together and both have full time jobs we could say life is perfect. We both have been speaking about trying for a baby which we both are very very excited about! BUT as usual with me there is something in the back of my mind .... Am I too Young?

Let me know what you think! All opinions welcome.

I had one in my teens and one in my thirties and with hindsight I wish id had both mines in my teens, as I definitely found it easier when i was younger. Plus having a baby young(er) does not mean that you will never be a homeowner or have a career.

Yes, it's not like having a baby is the end of your careers. Most of my peers are back at work now, a year or less since having a baby, I've been back for a few months (self employed from home so easy for me). A different work situation is definitely something to consider, but equally it's certainly possible to keep up with your career. Some women find their priorities totally change and they have no desire to go back to work, some women find they're way more productive in work because they've got to get home to their kids. A lot of women I've spoken to have found their kids have shifted their priorities and help them realise work is not everything.

The most important thing is not your age. It's the strength of your relationship. Whilst single parents do a fantastic job, I don't think a single one would choose it above having a kind, loving supportive spouse..but would choose it every time next to living with an arse. Small children and babies are not the glue that holds or keeps a relationship together. Get the fairytale far from your mind. Babies are the handgrenade that more often than not tears a relationship apart.

Start with sleep deprivation from pregnancy onwards to 2 yrs old. I know I'm snappy after one broken night. Imagine that for more than 24 months. Add to that the very natural wish to devote all your attention away from your lovely partner in the direction of baby. Is he the jealous type at all ? Is he mature enough to accept that this is how it has to be for a while. ? Then, the real possibility that you will not feel like sex once you are pregnant and then for a long time after birth. Will you both cope with an extended loss of intimacy ?

I am sorry to be so negative about child bearing. There is so much about it that is wonderful and positive but the above cautions are the minimum to expect. Throw in the mix PND, baby with reflux, morning sickness etc and you will understand that it is a lot to put a relationship through.

I am not necessarily saying that having a child Young is wrong. Have them early and still be young enough in your early 40s to travel and experience stuff...but I am really glad I did all that when I was in my early twenties. Travelled the world, worked on two different continents , tried lots of different jobs before settling down late twenties, getting married and having my babies in early thirties when my husband and I were mature enough to cope with the hard but fantastic experience children are.

At the end of the day, as long he is committed enough to marry you. (£115 local registry midweek all-in, no spectators needed except 2 witnesses) then go for it if it's what you both really want. If he won't agree to marriage, he doesn't understand the vulnerable legal/financial position you will be in as the unmarried mother of his child and you should not even begin to consider it.

If you'd like to get married, do that first.
Marriage is a legal and financial commitment (and it usually starts with a lovely party, but that's the icing on the cake!) and personally I think it's important to make that commitment before making the even bigger commitment of having a child together.
If he's not ready to marry you, don't TTC with him. If he's pushing for a baby now, talk to him about marriage - don't just wait and hope for him to propose!

I've just read the other posts properly and I think BertieBotts has given very wise advice. I especially agree with the comments about planning a wedding being a very good test of a relationship! Can you share the work, compromise, manage each other's families and prioritise your new family unit (the two of you) over demanding parents/siblings/etc?

When DH and I planned our wedding it was quite stressful at times, but we did pass the test! He was keen to start TTC quite soon after we got married but for various reasons we delayed a few years.

Actually I like the PP's suggestion of being in a relationship for 5 years before having children together (unless you want to start sooner because of age and fertility concerns). And at least 3 of those years should have been spent living together, which can be very different from dating - often you don't discover someone's real flaws until the !

then not the