DH won't perform to order

[Lala1980]

As such I can't guarantee sex during my fertile window. Getting down about it as I'm 35 and feel each month passing I'm getting too old.

It's not selfish to not want sex when you don't feel like it, for goodness sake. You can't expect him to "perform" like some circus animal.

I could not agree more.

If a Woman came on here saying her partner was pressurising her into having sex it would be a different response altogether.

no means no regardless of the reason.

There are other ways to get pg of course - a wank takes a lot less physical and mental energy than sex. But I'd be worried that a man who is simply too tired for sex is not going to be able to cope with life with a newborn baby. I think you need to have a serious (loving, non-accusatory) talk.

It is rubbish trying to dtd on demand, and so stressful when you know you're likely to be ovulating but one of you isn't in the mood. I also didn't tell my DH exactly when I thought I was ovulating - unpredictable cycles also complicated things. The month we conceived DC2 (after 8 months of trying), we agreed in advance we would dtd every 2-3 days over a 10 day period. Not exactly romantic, but then we both knew what/when things would be happening in advance.

Agree with Imps. :)

My husband is a police officer and works all kind of wacky hours. The only days we can have sex are either rest days or on an early shift. Some months there are only a couple of fertile window days that coincide. I got quite worked up about it at first...but strangely enough it was the pregnancy that led to my mmc which made me change my approach. The month I got pregnant we had sex just the once in that whole month. It just happened to be very well timed! Now we try to dtd every other day when he's got the energy. Trying to force it doesn't work as he can't perform and then it all ends in upset on both sides. Sometimes with a demanding job you are just too tired. But I agree that it's worth having a talk to discuss things - sometimes it's very easy to fall into a rut and before you know it months have gone by. I went through this last year and I had to have an honest but sensitive talk with my oh about it... Best of luck x

OP I totally get your frustration too, but I don't agree with the poster who said he is a selfish twat. We missed my ovulation day this month as DH was exhausted.

I have squared it with myself that it's OK not to DTD when my DH is too tired/not in the mood, as I don't want to have conceived a baby during a half-hearted shag!

Really I'd carry on until it was chafing down there (!) but I know DH isn't like that. He has to be in the mood and he is currently under a lot of short-term pressure from work and maybe isn't as conscious of my fertile window as I am.

I am too tired to DTD sometimes. Even, shock horror, during FW.

It doesn't mean I can't cope with a newborn FFS.

Would it be possible to book a holiday at a time that is likely to coincide with your fertile window if your cycles are regular. You may both have a better chance of being in the mood and not as tired that way.

Oh, and one important thing to bear in mind - YOU ARE NOT TOO OLD! So please don't panic. If you believe the media portrayal of fertility, it would be a miracle if anyone over 35 ever got pregnant. It doesn't work like that. You still have a lot of time so please don't let that stress you out