Freaking out on eve of TTC!

[zaza86]

My DH and I decided a little while ago that we'd start TTC in May. It's now 'May-eve' and I'm freaking out. I know I'd love a baby, but then the reality sinks in of actually being pregnant/having to tell work/mixing a third person into our hectic lives etc.

I'm wondering whether these are warning signs to wait a little longer, but frankly I don't know what that will do to help (plus agewise I don't want to leave it much longer) - perhaps everyone feels like this before starting TTC...?

I have been looking forward to getting to May for ages, now it's here I want to hide...! I guess I'm looking for a bit of reassurance/whether I should be putting it off a little longer...?

Is is just because its crunch time? Im in a similar position.. Except we are starting june/july time

Only you know the answer to that but I think most people are daunted at the prospect of it all because it's a huge life changer. I've just started TTC DC2 and I keep having moments of thinking I can't do this again!

You just need to bare in mind that TTC can be a really long journey so if you want to have children in the next few years it could be worth just getting on with it now in case it takes a long time. But also be prepared for it to happen straight away!!

So basically I have no advice because TTC is a mindf**k!!!

Good luck in whatever you decide to do!

I think you're right... It's crunch time and I'm aware of what a life-changer it is. But in my mind, in a good way! I'm a mega over-planner (control freak) so I think I'm just feeling uneasy about something I can't control like I have done so far in my life (career etc). I think it is a case of just getting on with it

It is a big decision and if/when you conceive it's life changing. However I'd say I never regret having DD :) - we had fertility issues and a difficult time but it's still worth it. There'll never be a good time...other than the life-changing reality that is having a baby, is there anything else putting you off?

I guess it's just the practical things - I'm a city lawyer and I enjoy my job - I know it will never be the same again, and that it may not go down very well at work. I think I'll be self-conscious actually being pregnant and people having opinions on my personal life (I'm quite private/keep things very professional at work). A bit of a pathetic reason really...!

You're only 29/30 so you could easily give it a year and see how you feel.
Personally I think you should just crack on. I don't think you ever feel 100% ready so just need to dive on in. You'll have 9 months to get used to the idea.

I've been doing a lot of reading of this forum and others about the pros and cons because i don't really think I'm ready. I found a useful blog about women who didn't feel ready but decided to do it anyway as sometimes the biological click just doesn't start ticking. Occasionally i think oh a baby would be nice. But i don't feel ready. The thing is i don't think i will ever feel ready but i knowi want them. Its just too big a thing to comprehend. Dh is ready to trynow. Im 30 this year and think if i want 2 with a reasonable age gap by the time im 35 i need to get on with it around about now.i wish it would just happen by accident so i don't have to be respnsible for saying "yes let's do it now" as dh says its totally up to me. That's the mindfuck... Its like im hovering over a big red button that will completely blow apart my life as i know it and I've got to press it sometime whether I'm ready or not.

My best friend says im overthinking it

You are over thinking it. Loads of people aren't sure at first then get really disappointed when they don't get pregnant in the first couple of months and TTC like a woman possessed after that.

Me and DH had to plan to TTC for about 4 months before we actually could due to not having some health problems and we were so desperate to start trying that all the waiting was a nightmare but there was always an undercurrent of excited anticipation.

However, when we actually got the go-ahead to TTC I was crapping myself with nerves!!!! Suddenly it was very real and panic set in

Your feelings are normal - good luck with TTC and I hope you get good news soon

oysterbabe i can just see that will be me!!

writerwannabe Im glad me and OP arent alone!

Thanks writerwannabe - that's really reassuring. I know there's an undercurrent of excitement in there, but the reality of it is currently clouding my judgment! I'm sure once I settle in to TTC I'll feel so much better. Had a good chat with DH this eve - good to get worries etc off my chest and glad to see it hasn't changed my mind.

Glad you've spoken to DH :)

I remember when we tried to TTC I was in agreement and then I just felt terrible - because I wasn't excited and I was supposed to be and I was sad and scared and I was just like what IS this? But over a couple of days the sadness worked itself out (old issues from unplanned pregnancy with DC1) and then suddenly I was just so excited that I couldn't do anything.

It's a weird rollercoaster. And DH is a planner too and felt similar to you, I think. Do be warned that you are basically signing off on control when you decide to become parents. But it is worth it. :)

Sorry when we first decided to. Not tried to.

Relax, it's natural! There is never a 'perfect time' to have a baby.

These are natural things! Relax and start ttc!

It's so hard to tell whether it's just nerves. We decided to ttc at the beginning of the month thinking it would take a while. Had sex twice and now I'm pregnant. It's weird because we were open to the idea of pregnancy but not pregnancy itself. We will be fine though, it's just another gear change

I empathise completely zaza. I am not maternal in the slightest and have never felt the clock ticking, but I'm not completely anti; more apathetic. I'm 32 and only agreed to start TTC in Jan - it has happened for us yet but TBH it's taken me this long to fully get my head around it all!

Great to hear you're talking to your DH - that's the key for me. Until a few weeks ago I didn't realise I had been feeling alone in it all. Scared about getting preggers/not getting preggers (!), pain, leaving job, 'ruining' lovely life, being a crap mum. Just needed to have a big heart to heart to realise all would be well because we're totally, utterly in it together, whatever happens.

Good luck!

We're on cycle 12 and I sometimes think maybe it's a sign. I still wonder if I'm/we're ready all the time but that disappointment each month tells me I want it. It's normal to be nervous, it's a big change that you have little control over. You probably are over thinking it but whatever you decide will be right for you.

Zaza, I think this is such a personal thing, it's not something that anyone else can really advise on. I was 33 when I had my DS after having been pressured into it by my DH, who was worried that if we left it too late that we might encounter problems TTC. As it turned out, we didn't and got I got pregnant within 2 months. I never felt ready: I wanted the house to feel finished and to have got more settled into my job after starting a new role. DS is now 17 months and the house/garden is still very unfinished because only one of us can ever do anything productive at a time (whilst the other looks after DS) and we are both knackered because DS wakes at 5am most mornings. (Cannot afford to pay someone else to do as we are still financially recovering from me being on SMP, and now working PT and paying for childcare). This was/is a source of constant stress and I desperately wish we had waited. Having said that, a good friend of mine has been TTC since 2012 and is on her 4th pregnancy (all 3 previous pg finished early), and if I were in her position then I am sure I would be desperately wishing that we had started earlier.

Perhaps if you can work through your options for childcare / return to work, so that you can have some confidence in how life will work with a baby, you might feel readier to commit to it?

It's a life changing decision It's natural to feel a bit nervous about it. DH had a wobble just before I was due to stop the pill, but later told me to go ahead, he was just being silly. I'm 33 and have a lot of friends who have stuggled to concieve/had IVF/adopted so feel very aware of my body's time limitations.

As for telling work I have already told my boss I'm TTC (only because she wasn't taking no for an answer why I didn't want to commit to something she wanted me to do this year) she nearly cried as she already has a pregnant member of staff and has been worrying how we will cope when shes on mat leave. You can't put your life on hold for work or there will never be a good time!

OH and I were "talking about TTC for a while, over a year actually, but we kept putting the month off saying we would start next month! I felt a lot of external pressure (from family, friends, age, etc) to start TTC but in my heart I wasn't ready. I knew it was more than just your usual nerves when I thought I could be pregnant (on a what if the condom split paranoia) and I was just FREAKING OUT. I really didn't want a baby at the time or feel ready for it (despite being married over 5 years!) but of course if it happened I would have pulled myself together and welcomed a lovely surprise. Now we are off contraception and really wanting together to TTC and it feels right. I still have freak out moments and hang outs (I'm trying to lose weight and feel constantly I could lose a bit more before starting TTC) but to be honest there will NEVER be a "perfect" moment and as others have mentioned it could happen straight away or be a long journey ahead! But rather than dread I actually feel excited and I think that is the difference.

Best of luck for your journey - whatever you do don't feel pressurised by others/situations! It is your life and your body :) xxx