Hardly any sperm - in shock, please help me

[Kirton]

Don't know what to do. Not yet TTC (am 29 as is DH) but he went to the doctors for a lump in his balls, turned out to be a varicocele which is apparently quite common but got sperm test anyway gotresults this morning and has hardly any (couple of million) with poor motility and abnormalities etc. Is definitely due to the vein thing and is going for operation end of the month which has 50% chance of improving it.

But can't stop crying - he doesn't want people to know so can only really talk to BF in RL and she's at work. Am panicking - what if we can't have kids, how will it affect us, all I can see ahead is a lot of pain. Got no-one to talk to please help.

thankyou

So good news he's had the op and it went well in so far as they sorted out the vein. Really pleased and relieved. What now though? He said he doesn't need any more tests to see whether it's changed the number of sperm etc. because without the varicocele heating them up and killing them presumably they'll be fine and if not there's nothing else they can do about it. Admirable man logic! But my view is I'd like to know how much it's changed 'cos if he doesn't get back to full capacity (which I guess is fairly possible) I'd want to get my own fertility checked and maybe start trying for kids sooner rather than later, if it'll take longer or be more tricky.

I don't want to start talking to him about all this in the next month or so as I think we need time to get over his op and support him and see how things go - but am I being unreasonable in needing a full picture now I know it might be harder for us?

Hi kirton, good news that the op went well. I don't know very much about varioceles - but it does look as though the procedure usually restores fertility - so he may be right.

I can understand you're need to know where you stand though - and having investigations of both of us because we knew that my fertility was compromised was the best thing we did - it would have taken ages to find out about DP's subfertility if we hadn't. And although the chances are you'll both be fine, it is commoner than you'd think for both partners to have issues. And we ended up using the information to bring our attempts to conceive forwards as a result of the diagnosis. I was very conscious that my age was a key factor in any treatment - but I was a good 2 years older than you at diagnosis.

Persuading him to go for it is another matter though - could you put it to him as making sure that the variocele hadn't recurred?

Hi,
I have experience in this area and my hear goes out to you. I know what its like to be told about low (or non existant) sperm count. Our Dr was very insensitive and actually put it to us that "we would never have any babies2 so I went home and felt suisidal for a weekend., they pack you off with very little information.
I found Child very helpful. You can talk to people on the phone in the same situation as you, which is wonderful when you are really going through the mill. I must admit I leaned on them on and off a few times.
I am now way down the road. It took ages to get over the berevement that it is to realise you may not have your own kids, but we decided we wanted kids anyway we could. when I was at this stage ICSI was in its early stages, and they said my husband was not eligiable. So that left us with adoption or DI. I worried for ages that DI would not be the same, but a wonderful woman on the phone once said to me that this man gives you a magic bit of stuff and it makes your dreams come true. So I went ahead. I thought Id see the child looking different from my hubby and hate to see it, but this is so far from the truth! I now have three sons, all from the same donor. Most peopple do not know, but my kids to. Its funny how people see my husband in them, they have looks of me (obviously) but they also resemble him...so maybe its nurture? They pick up habits etc. My husnband also was able to inseminate me each time which helped. He can honestly say he made me pregnant. My children are magic, so please please please although it may seem insensitive of me, even if yours is worst case senario, it is really not that bad! I know you wont believe me, but i know the devistation I went through and now if I could tell myself then what I know now, I wouldnt have felt quite so bad!
If I can ever help you in any way please mail me direct. Im happy to offer support, and ear, help whatever....
The thing is to share the problem. We did. We always did every test on either of us together. It was "Our" problem, not mine or his. It makes you stronger and boy you find out if you are destined to stay together orr not. They say people who go through this are less likely to split up. I can believe it!
My eldest son is now 13 and I have another 2 or 10 and 4. So never never say never!
[email protected]

Love and ball the best....

Quick update. 3 months since the op and DH now has much bigger balls seriously, he keeps sitting on them by mistake! Also (apologies if TMI) is now producing greater quantities of semen and is whiter than before? Am I right in thinking these are good signs? I don't have a point for comparison as has been with him since 17.... We decided as well to leave it for a year then possibly get a re-count or maybe not, but leave having kids until it feels the right time. thanks again for your support.....