Ladies, help me I need to talk to someone.

[BarbieMummy]

Ok this is a long one, and probably quite boring too - I just need to vent.

This is mine and DH first month TTC after coming off the pill, he works nights so TTC can be bit of a chore as he's always tired. DD1 was a surprise, I was told I had PCOS so being young and (silly) we used no contraception, and I conceived her after only 6 months together (many moons ago now).

I've done nothing but download apps and read up on ovulation etc, and we've tried to catch it. It started Thursday, we DTD last night. (We also DTD last Tuesday-Weds too).

Now I'm a mess. I have a dull lower abdominal ache, which after reading up on apparently could be due to ovulation. Ovulation should be over now though, right?

My mood is terrible, I think it's anxiety were I'm so impatient and want to know if we caught it. My mind is just screaming at me "you're not going to get pg this month, you've only just come off the pill" and "you probably missed ovulation, or maybe it's now hence the ache" and I won't see DH now till tomorrow night.

I've scanned the Internet for super early pg symptoms ridiculously, knowing even if I was, I wouldn't know now anyway (duh!) but I'm still doing it. I've spent a fortune on Amazon buying tests that apparently detect pregnancy up to 8 days before AF, even though it's not due till 26th.

Also, my cm has changed. I've never had this before, or if I have - I've never noticed it. It's been clear and "slippery" since Thursday night, but today I keep feeling wet and yet there's hardly anything there?
My cm when I was on the pill was just a standard creamy-type light discharge occasionally (I do suffer with BV - especially if I use certain shower gels - ironically Palmolive naturals and lush damn it but I've steered clear of those for a while).

I don't even want to eat I'm so anxious. This is horrible. I just want it so bad, I'm becoming an absolute mess. Sorry for the essay girls, I just needed to let it out. DH just laughs at me and says "we've got all the time in the world" but he doesn't understand how much I want that BFP. :(

In the nicest possible way, all you can do is to dtd. No amount of pouring over fertility apps or researching online is going to change anything. All you are going to do is drive yourself insane. I understand - I've been there. I really lost the plot after my miscarriage at 13 weeks. A few months on though and I've realised that the stress I'm putting myself under is making life shit. When I conceived my dd and the baby I lost the only things I did differently to all of the unsuccessful months was to throw out the opks and to just dtd. You should aim for every other day for the whole month. Dh and I are currently dtd daily but my dh has a high sex drive and I'm just going with it. Get rid of any apps, stop pissing on sticks and find something to distract you whilst you dtd as much as possible. It will happen.

Loki, you're so right and I think that's what I needed to hear.
It's just horrible. DH doesn't understand why I'm stressy, and so he's getting annoyed with my constant mood I know, but I just can't shift it. I've got myself in this horrible rut of spending hours online trying to find something fitting with my symptoms that are just psychological I know. I'm gonna try my best to just ignore it all now. It'll happen when my body is ready I guess. Just hope that it's now, although I think it's going to take longer than a month TTC. X

I've found that embarking on a healthy eating and exercise plan has helped. It has distracted me by giving me something else to track. The healthy food is making my body stronger and exercise is helping my mood. Good luck and I hope you fall soon x

Barbie TTC can be bloody awful, it can absolutely consume you and make you feel so so low at times. It's could possibly be a long and depressing road for you if you're feeling like this to start with. Definitely try and find something to relax you and to take your mind off it if you can. I also second maybe trying to eat better or exercise more or something so you feel like you're doing all you can.

A word of warning too, it took me 6 months to get a normal period back after coming off the pill. Whilst some women go back to normal straight away, others can take quite a long time so don't be too hard on yourself before you've even had chance to see what your body is going to do.

Good luck!