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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

ttc, got my fertile days, ordered ov tests, now just need to obsess over it. need your thoughts ladies

45 replies

merrylissiemas · 29/12/2006 16:09

3 mcs and really thought i was pg thru dec. but no af landed on my door xmas day. need positive vibes and old wives tales etc to help keep me sane

OP posts:

rahrah1 · 03/01/2007 14:41

do you mean me lissielou?

If yes, the consultant said he would advise a 6 month wait, but as we had trouble conceiving last time and are emotionally ready he can not see any objections.(we feel that we can deal with things better if we were pregnant again) We are just waiting on a couple of test results, but will have them back in time if I did catch and need any treatment. (Tested for blood clotting etc..)

lissielou · 03/01/2007 15:24

sorry rahrah1, i was merrylissiemas.

i suppose they have to say that but you know better when it comes to things like this

rahrah1 · 03/01/2007 16:43

A Ha - a name change - Makes sense...

They say 6 months as standard for mentally and from statics. But they said physically there is no reason not to try again.

The baby doctor has just been out to see us today, in fact she has just left. You get to see the consultant at 5 weeks and the baby doctor at 8 weeks to explain what happened. Our consultant advised us that the placenta and genetic results were still being waited on. Where the baby doctor has said

The genetics were never tested for, as it is only if there are obvious chromosome problems with the baby, which they can tell from examination. She said there was no problems with our baby of that nature.
Any placenta examination would of been back from the lab after 1 week of delivery. So it looks like they have not tested it. So will not find out what damage was on the placenta and how much.

Got to say she was really caring. Our consultant is good aswell, but not sure he is the most organised in regards to tests and results. She advised that the main reason for his death was his lung development, which must of stopped when my membranes went. She said that most 24week old babies have a 50-60% of survival, so we were extremely unlucky. The issues with the birth, she has said did not help him but did not contribute to his death. So that was reassuring to know.

I have a big feeling there is so much they still don't know about pregnancy, sometimes you just have to go with your gut instinct.

lissielou · 03/01/2007 19:02

i agree, when my friend told me she was pg she asked about the whole thing and all i kept saying was, trust your own instincts 1st. my counsellor keeps stressing how dangerous childbirth/pg is, and 20y ago i would prob have died. sobering thought.how old was your ds if you dont mind me asking

rahrah1 · 03/01/2007 19:15

That is a sobering thought!

He was 24+1weeks gestation. He was 6hrs old when they turned his ventilator off. He could of been with us longer, but we had made a decision prior to birth with the consultant that if he deteriorated and he was showing signs that he would be in great discomfort/pain and would suffer disability - long term, then they were to tell us, so he did not have to suffer. All though 50-60% of 24 weekers survive, 1/2 of those have a disability and 1/2 of those will be severe disability. He would of been caused disability due to the lack of oxygen, which causes clots etc on the brain. In some ways I am very glad we had the opportunity to make those decisions prior to his birth, otherwise with him being there 'in person' it is the hardest thing to let go....

lissielou · 03/01/2007 19:21

this is prob going to come out wrong but you made such a brave decision, as women we instinctively put our children 1st and thats exactly what you have done. how long ago was it?
you dont mind me asking about it do you? if you do please just say

rahrah1 · 03/01/2007 19:24

No problems on the questions.

It was 8 weeks ago today.

lissielou · 03/01/2007 19:28

i cant imagine what it must have been like for you. youre so brave. are you seeing a counsellor?

rahrah1 · 03/01/2007 19:34

I can assure you there is no bravery... my day often involves self pity, crying and moping around...

The hospital sent out a bereavement midwife...but she has cancelled quite a few times and makes arrangements more than counselling.

I think in time I might go and see a counsellor, but everything is still very much based on grief and disbelief. It will be good to see a counsellor when I feel ready to move on a bit, as don't want to be away from the house for long or go on holiday etc.. Does that make sense.

Do you see a counsellor?

lissielou · 03/01/2007 19:39

yes, after ds was born i was vvv low and (im ashamed to say) diddnt want him near me. i used to fantasise about ways i could die etc and didnt leave the house for 3m except to be rushed to hosp. ive been on ads for 18m now and seeing a counsellor for 12m and im slowly getting better, apart from the 3 mcs that is.

rahrah1 · 03/01/2007 19:45

I've been on AD's before for anxiety and panic attacks, but never been depressed. My friend suffers from depression and things get really bad for her. I stopped taking my AD's after 2 months of my pregnancy and don't really want to go back on them unless they are really needed. I feel so much better in the mornings without them... do you get that wide eyed feeling??

You can't help it if you felt bad after having your son... don't criticise yourself! You have had a lot to cope with, 3 M/C's is so much to deal with. You have done very well!!

lissielou · 04/01/2007 08:33

i dont really get bad in the morning, its at night, my head gets v fuzzy and my mouth gets dry.

ask your doc about a proper counsellor. its helped so much to say things that i wouldnt dare admit to anyone else

rahrah1 · 04/01/2007 09:16

I've just had the blood clotting results back this morning...They are all clear. That means they have not found out what the problem is and are just saying it is one of those things. I'm really upset, as nothing through out my pregnancy has been black or white. He said that my main risk is at 1st trimester and that I should really of miscarried at 10 weeks with Bertie rather than go 24 weeks. He can not explain how my pregnancy progressed after that 10 week bleed. Therefore for future pregnancies he would say that i'm at higher risk of miscarriage in the first 12 weeks. (as had a pregnancy as well in my early 20's and had bleeding with that baby aswell, which did not progress after 9 weeks). God why is nothing simple!! It is so scary entering pregnancy again when things have gone so badly wrong before.

In regards to the counsellor, I will speak to the bereavement midwife when I see her next. At the moment I talk quite a lot to my husband, but he has been able to move on better than I have, and sometimes I think it is dragging him down if I keep going on and crying every time I see him. So it may be a good idea soon that I can speak to someone independent of the situation.

monalissie · 04/01/2007 15:40

it sounds like it, my scary time is 6w. you must be v confused. on 1 hand your tests arent showing anything major but on the other theres obv something not right.

do you have more tests to go for?

rahrah1 · 04/01/2007 16:09

Just a scan on the 7.01, but not expecting to find anything, as had a scan last year to look at fertility... don't think it can change that much in a year!

I've just had the bereavement midwife round and she said if the test results have some back and everything is ok, it is literally one of those things and to try and stop looking for things, as it will make me unwell and anxious. I suppose she is right, as if they can't find anything then I'm just going to drive myself crazy...maybe just need to accept the pregnancy just went wrong..and nature is a funny thing.

Another name change?

Is it not the same with your m/c's - that the tests are showing everything is normal?

monalissie · 04/01/2007 21:43

yeah didnt like lissielou.

all of my tests came back clear, got to wait for an appointment at a miscarriage clinic, coz my mcs seem to be at 5-9w and i started bleeding with noah at 5w as well they think that something happens at that point, coz its when the heart starts beating and everything starts really moving.
im also a recovering anorexic which complicates matters even further, coz its poss that starving myself has affected my body's development.

hwo long were you ttc?

rahrah1 · 04/01/2007 21:52

It still strange that they can not find anything, like with me. I hate not having an answer. Hopefully you will find one. My bereavement midwife said every pregnancy is different, hence why Noah survived even if you had the same problem in that pregnancy as you did in the others. It's such a miracle...But I still think there must be reasons behind everything..

I was trying for a 1 year and half to conceive with Bertie. We have started TTC again already, as scared it will take a long time again. But was going through the reproductive clinic for 6 months prior to conceiving him, so have been referred back to the clinic. Should be fun! (especially when they ask for my husbands sperm to test, always a drama!)

monalissie · 05/01/2007 07:58

oh, these poor men. dont know how they cope. whe i told dh that i wanted tottc again he said "i dont know if i can go thru that again" , i said "sorry, did you find it hard work!"

rahrah1 · 05/01/2007 09:13

lol - poor things

monalissie · 05/01/2007 17:07

my heart goes out to them

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