There's no way this can be wrong is there?

[LifeIsChaos]

I'm 40! One mishap and took the morning after pill. Already got two young children after years of infertility

I don't know if I can do this again....

He says he will be supportive either way but says he doesn't think he can support us all

It will be a struggle financially and emotionally I guess so we need to be on the same page.

Bah I could murder an ice cold beer!

Oh dear. Sorry you are in such a quandary. Its still very early days. Why not give until you are six weeks to decide. A lot of pregnancies naturally terminate by then anyhow (unfortunately).

I've had friends in a similar situation (shock / anguish) and they ultimately decided to keep the baby. The fact that you don't immediately want to terminate suggests there is a part of you that wants to make it work. Either way, whatever decision you make it will be the right one for your family.

However, your kids aren't too you for siblings. That's actually a really nice age gap.

Yes, doctor says the clinic won't see me before 6 weeks if I do decide to go down that route. However I'm on meds which aren't know to be safe in pregnancy. Another docs apt tomorrow to weigh up the risks against the benefits of changing them 'just in case'

What a palaver!

Sorry that should read are known to be unsafe in pregnancy. They carry a lot of risks and women are not advised to take them unless they are certain they do not want a pregnancy

Another factor to consider I guess.

Maybe speaking to a family planning counsellor would help - can your GP refer you to one?

No harm in asking I guess. Although most of those services seem to be for under 25's.

I'm 40 ffs! I should know better

So I had to have a termination, had a scan at 7+5 weeks and it was measuring 5 weeks. I knew that was wrong from dates and when I got bfp. The medication I was on carried strong risks for limb deformities and brain damage. So I had a termination.

Why am I not coping despite knowing it was the best thing to do?

I hate myself and whereas I was happy with my family I now feel someone is missing and I will never be happy again

I'm so sorry :(

You're struggling because you've had a termination. The logic etc isn't coming into it riht at the moment. There's no right or wrong way to feel. Be kind to yourself and each other and let yourself grieve.

I'm sorry you're in this shitty situation.

I don't know if it helps at all but I had a termination for medical reasons after a scan showed major anomolies and abnormalities. Mine was at 22 weeks.

If you were measuring that far behind and on medication that causes deformities then the chances are you would have been in the same situation further down the line if you'd not had the termination now.

I'm sure that doesn't help now but maybe at some point it will.

💐 Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you need to, even if that is greif for a pregnancy that wasn't initially planned or maybe even wanted.

I just can't stop thinking. I want my brain to turn off. I should be 9 weeks.

I look at my two beautiful dc and feel like I've killed one of them and my family is no longer complete.

How can I live with this?

Oh no I'm so sorry for your situation. Please don't blame yourself you've made such a difficult and impossible decision. You will need time to grieve and get your head around things but you probably don't have time with your dc's. Again, I'm very sorry x

But you haven't killed one of them.

If you were measuring 5 weeks when you should have been over 7 there is a very high chance something was seriously wrong with the foetus and you would have miscarried fairly soon. All you've done is preempt that. Like I did. My dd2 would have died, probably would have been still born. I stopped that happening and took back a little bit of control over a horrific situation.

Grieve for the child that might have been but also understand that child you are grieving for would more than likely not have survived.

There are no words to make you feel better. I know that, I've been there. I just want you to know there is someone out there that understands how you feel 💐

Oh lovely, I'm so sorry, what a rollercoaster you're on

It's very early days, you wont feel like this forever, until then, take the very best care of yourself.

How is dh? And is he supporting you?

for you too kitty

Oh I'm sorry. It does sound like though the pregnancy was unlikely to viable though and continuing would have just made the whole process more difficult. Is your husband being supportive?

Hes been great, had time off work to support me. I can't fault him there. Hes even said if I want another let's try.

However I can't get get my head around that that child defied all odds to be there, history of infertility plus taking the map, bad sickness, really stong pregnancy symptoms and I killed it.

Lifeis. Please be kind to yourself. You made a decision based on medical reasons.

Oh op x

Imagine a friend or sister was going through this. Would you be thinking she'd killed her baby? Or would you think she'd been in a heartbreaking situation with the choice being the baby dying now or later on in the pregnancy?

Stealth is right. If you can't bring yourself to be kind to yourself (no judgement, I beat myself up for months despite a lethal diagnosis) then pretend you are treating yourself as you would a friend.

I found this a really helpful technique from counselling. I almost seperate off part of me and treat her like a friend rather than myself I am aware of how nuts that sounds but you do what works to get you through

Oh op you poor thing. Please please do not blame yourself for making the decision you did.

Thank you. But I do blame myself. For getting in that position in the first place.

Please don't-please look after yourself too xxx