You are not a robot and the ovary whisperer's chanting for you in the viroid commune with our carved cock relics- don't panic about the acid foof! It's JS 58!!!

[Ain626]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a <strong>Kitten</strong> = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>'something'</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a <strong>hooya</strong> = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 57 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2542249-Theres-Chickens-up-Trees-and-BOGOF-Deals-from-the-Stork-Were-Seeking-out-the-Magic-Potion-whilst-avoiding-the-Rogue-Penis-Dont-Flash-your-Cat-its-JS-57?pg=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2550495-Its-the-calm-before-the-storm-sort-of-that-is-Fantastic-February-and-the-March-Madness-we-did-a-lot-of-shagging-last-summer-We-need-more-JSers-on-this-our-44th-thread" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2541376-Our-babies-are-teething-screaming-and-generally-not-sleeping-but-were-still-JS-ing-its-Just-Mumming-10?watched=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

cats I first went to gp who did all the bloods and referred me for ultrasound, DH did sperm analysis, once this was done we were referred to gyne at hospital who sent me for HSG and said come back in four months which is next week. There is nothing wrong with either of us and as were are young 34 doesn't feel young we can either carry on trying ourselves or go for IVF. That is the decision we have to make for Monday. First went to GP End of May last year so it's been a bit of a process. If we go for IVF I'm not sure when we would start it, was told at last appointment that there wasn't a waiting list but sure that can't be right. Not sure I'm ready for something in next few months

NFMC (car)...

Ugh....viroids. DP's car has broken and it is beyond repair. Apparently we will get £25 for it for scrap

Anyway since we are trying to save for any potential mat leave and a house deposit we are going to try to share my car for a couple of weeks and see if we think we can manage with one.

DP is self-employed and can only pay himself £600 a month at the moment so if we get a second car I will have to pay for it anyway

That's why I decided on lap and dye black, I wasn't sure I was ready for ivf right now. Which seems silly but I want to feel I've done everything. But I equally want a baby so I keep doubting my decision. Is it not worth you having a lap first? In case it's endo or something? Or does hsg show that too?

kwick that is good news, getting the thyroid fixed could get you upduffed. Knowledge is power! How is down regging? Is that the pill bit?

Mmmm massaman curry!

£25?! Is it a toy car? Tbf I got about £50 for my clapped out fiesta.
Does he work at home? If not will it work for getting to work?
I think one car is feasible, if dp didn't travel all over for work we could manage with one. Luckily he gets company car so we only pay for one iyswim

Just...I work from home 3 days a week and in London (commute on train) 2 days so DP would have the car for work.

He has a very old Ford Focus, bought years ago for £800...which now no longer even starts!

Sorry about the bfn cats.

I am feeling really negative again this evening. I normally get super sore boobs straight after I ice and nothing this month so now wondering if it even properly happened despite positive opks and ice pains. Assumed the boobs were due to post ov progesterone surge so do I take it thats not happened? Urghh I am fed up of over analysing. I just feel like its never going to happen and DH won't even talk to me about the possibility because he says my negative attitude will stop me getting preg. Ffs. It's been only 4 months and I'm a bloody mess. I hate TTC right now.

Sorry about the car stumbly. What a ball ache!

No ones suggested a lap just - I think because we have got pg they are not too concerned. Do you think they are pushing us down IVF route to boost their stats? assuming it works God I've not even contemplated it not working, fuck not sure I could cope with that

I did wonder if ours were pushing ivf for stats as he kept saying how good odds are for us young ones. I'm sure they aren't though. Of course it will work. My consultant said the odds are super high for those under 35, like 50%. Sorry forgot you have been pregnant. That's probably why then as it wouldn't make sense that you had a block, but then why would they do hsg? I'm so confused!

stumbly sounds like it could work then, he will have to drop you at station natch

canters every month is different, I sometimes get sore boobs, sometimes don't, sometimes get them all the way through 2ww, sometimes only for sporadic days. It is no indicator at all.
And you know it's nothing to do with your attitude right? Give your dp a swift kick it he even suggests it.

TMI alert:

My acid fanjo seems to have sprung a leak.
I'm 5 dpo and the old fanjo is producing more "stuff" than it normally does. Had to put a pad on which never normally happens.

Does anyone else get this?

Definitely not thinking that this anomaly means that something's cooking in my womble. No sirreeeeee........

I agree with just, canters: a swift kick will do it. And probably make you feel better?

Scottish, abundant creamy CM is a grounded-in-reality symptom to spot

Not to burst your bubble scottish but I've had months with lots of cm and obviously I'm not pregnant. Gx it's a symptom for you though.
Sprung a leak

My boobs are ridiculous today, nearly cried earlier as they were throbbing with every step. Gave the cat another eyeful when I whipped bra off. He wasn't impressed.

Whaaat Alice?!
That is exciting, it certainly is abundant...

I really do love you viroids. I've had a long day, no real chance to sit down for 5 mins... just logged in on here and I've been laughing away like crazy. DH has actually given up on asking me why I'm laughing when he knows I'm on mn

stumbly my bmi is very high as I'm pretty short! (I just worked out at my current weight there is 8 points difference between my height and if I were 5' 6") Really I need to get it down to around 25 (in case we end up on the ivf route) but I think that they said they would give me clomid at 30. Are you ovulating do you think?

just you are getting all the crazies I had! I hope that you're getting them for a reason.

Nfmv - my light spotting seems to have stopped. Do I count it as a light period? What cycle day am I on? Any guesses? If I count it, would I count from the first day of spotting? If I don't count it for anything I'm on cd60...

Haha just, that poor cat! And your poor skittletits. I hope they feel better soon!

Don't worry, my bubble has not yet inflated so can't be burst - I feel like 5 dpo is too early to truly symptom-spot.

I will however keep my gingers crossed, hope in my heart and a pad on my pants.

Ain it probably couldn't hurt to count it as a light period and to stay on the lookout for iceing. Hopefully this is the month for you!

I will however keep my gingers crossed, hope in my heart and a pad on my pants.

This made me roar with laughter!

ain my periods are sometimes pretty light so I would say count it as a period. My very rudimentary knowledge of pcos is that periods can be light. If you haven't had anything like this before then I'm going to call period.

I don't really think I'm pregnant, I wish I could still get the hope but I can't. I have realised I can convince myself of feeling all sorts of pregnant and it always comes to nothing.
So I'm only messing, otherwise I might cry with the futility of it all. If I actually think about all the months of disappointment I get rather blue.
I really don't think it's going to happen for me naturally now.

I hope so Scottish ! I just realised that if I count Monday (first day where I had spotting all day) then my last cycle would have been 56 days. Which is also the length of the cycle before. (the cycle before though af was brought on by norethisterone).

Bmi is stupid. Lie about your height? Wear heels I always imagined you as tall ain!
FYI bmi for Ivf is between 20-30 I think

I'd have to wear stilts just ! I'm definitely not tall. Isn't it funny how we imagine people?

I think I'm going to say cd1 was Monday. That way it gives me two 56 day cycles in a row, and gives me a 14 day lp if I did ov when suspected.. means I would have iced on cd 42...

Now how to get those 42 days shortened...

Oh, Kwick I meant to ask, what did you mean by 'unless stitch counts' under pets in your stats? The first thing I thought of was stitch as in lilo and stitch!

I've seen a picture of you too ain!
I dread to think how the viroids picture me, probably like this...

black just regardless of the clinics stats success is more likely with lower maternal age. Ovarian reserve can change quickly. It's always personal choice but I'd always jump straight in now knowing what I know. You do have to consider it won't work first time, and as you know I experienced the ups of it working followed by downs of mc. I had to wait 3 months before they'd let me try again. Ended up delaying a bit to fit my cycles better and move house to give us a few months trying naturally with mfi no longer an issue but glad we went for it now as I could still be trying. Of course we were lucky we could afford to fund cycle 2 that quickly.
I believe hsg also looks for similar things to lap, not just tube patency, but can't remember the difference of lap. I do remember them saying my womble looked ok at hsg tho. Ultrasound also looks for several things.
Can't remember who asked about first fc appt. I had blood tests and dh had sa with gp in Feb, then we had fc appt 1 April! Saw sr nurse who took some history, gave me details of how to arrange hsg and booked me an ultrasound for CD 14. I have long cycles so had to go back for another ultrasound on cd22 (ovary was ripe so told to shag!)
My clinic also advertised no waiting list. After that April appt we saw consultant in July and advised icsi best route (ivf but inject sperm into egg instead of leave to it in a dish) and went back in October to get booked in for training to inject and dates for cycle. I started injections after a pill cycle on 28/12/14. So even with no waiting list it can take a while.
Hope that helps

kwick eek didn't realise you were down Regging already. Are you on long or short protocol?

Ooh yes I meant to ask that kwick!

ain have heard that chaste berry can shorten follicular phase but only anecdotally. A friend with v long cycles swears that reflexology shortened hers. She also has pcos. Again though only anecdotal and I have another friend with long cycles who tried it all and it made no difference. She's 6 months pregnant now though