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Conception

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Original poster

can you really get over a misscarriage?

18 replies

lollyb20 · 25/11/2015 15:53

Hi been ttc #1 for over a year and half now finally got my bfp 2 weeks ago and last night my world came crashing down on me i started to misscarry today im just feeling so down, emotional and empty. I cried going to sleep last night i feel so crushed. I cant imagine ever wanting to do this again and honestly have no idea how any one picks themselves up for this and carries on trying. This was my first pregnancy and its literally such a horrible experience i cant see myself getting over anytime soon? Xx

OP posts:

DizzyMerry · 25/11/2015 16:59

Oh lolly I'm so sorry for your loss. It's heartbreaking to be given that hope and for it to then be taken away. I had a mmc in September and I honestly didn't think it would ever get better. We found out at the 12 week scan. It's devastating and despite having support it's still a lonely and dark place to be in. Time will heal the raw pain and i didn't believe it when someone told me that but it honestly does.

You will go through all sorts of emotions in the next few weeks and will be up and down. I didn't think I could pick myself up but we find the strength within us to deal with it.

I found the mc boards to be extremely supportive and it helped me to work through my emotions. It takes time so be kind to yourself

DizzyMerry · 25/11/2015 17:02

As for getting over a mc? I'm really not sure to be honest at least not yet. I still feel sad about it but it's only been two months so not that long. I really think it is something that I will always feel sad about though it's not painfully raw any more.

Palomb · 25/11/2015 17:05

It takes a while but yes you can. I've had seven miscarriages and while I still feel sad when I think about them that burning sense of grief does pass.

Be kind to yourself

OwlinaTree · 25/11/2015 19:37

You will carry on, it will become easier to manage. It's OK to grieve. Give yourself some time. Do try again, it's so worth all the pain along the way.

bristollady · 25/11/2015 19:46

Hi Lolly,

We are in the same place. I got my bfp on Saturday, tested today bfp again but then was bleeding loads and then had a scan this morning when they told me I've miscarried. I got in my car and just cried and cried. Went back to work because I didn't know what else to do with myself. It's crushing. At the moment keeping busy is helping. Sending you love.xxx

CottonSock · 25/11/2015 19:49

It does change you a little bit in my experience, but yes you will heal in time. You don't think it now, but you will. Sorry for you loss.

patienceisvirtuous · 25/11/2015 19:54

You will be able to recover love. I've had three and I am in a good place now.

Take your time, don't put any pressure on yourself and look after yourself xx

PinPon · 25/11/2015 20:02

Yes. You can and you will.

Mine were a few years ago and although I remember the pain, it feels more like a bad dream than anything else. Happier times will come, probably when you least expect them.

daisydalrymple · 25/11/2015 20:03

Yes, you do move on, but you do have to accept your grief first, and mourn your loss. Be kind to yourself and accept that it will take time.

I think until you have a miscarriage, you can't quite imagine how much pain something so relatively tiny can cause. It's the loss of your dreams and plans of how your family might be. Yesterday would have been my due day for the MMC I suffered 3 years ago. Instead of a third birthday party, i had some cake for my little bean, which I shared with my just turned 1 year old. I love him with all my heart, and wouldn't have him if I hadn't had the mmc, but it doesn't stop me thinking of what might have been. I also have a 6&8 yr old, so the dynamics would have been totally different with a two year smaller gap.

If it helps you, buy a special decoration for your tree this year, (I did, and it's the one that goes on first), plant some bulbs which will flower in the spring to give you new hope, or buy a little teddy / tiny pair of socks, which you can keep in with your bfp, just to mark the tiny life, however short.

Original poster

lollyb20 · 25/11/2015 20:16

Thank you all so much for your kind words and support and also your ideas. I really do apreciate it sending love to everyone who is suffering and whi has suffered xx

OP posts:

shieldbug · 25/11/2015 20:29

Hi lolly and bristol I had a mmc in Feb this year at 10 weeks and it was the most awful experience of my life. I found it helped to take time to grieve rather than just trying to be brave (not easy with 2 ds) and to realise that it was a bereavement, no matter how tiny the baby was. I also picked a sex (based on gut feeling) and named the baby so that it would always have an identity. It also helped that I found someone who had been through a similar experience in rl and I also found lots of support on the mc threads. Ultimately though, dh and I both found that the best way to cope was to try again and I am expecting again in March.
Look after yourselves and take things easy for a while.

MagicalHamSandwich · 25/11/2015 20:36

sorry, OP!

And, yes, you can and do get over miscarriages. I've had four - it's been over three years now. I do feel a bout of sadness when I think about it but it's no devastating grief anymore. ExH and I have also split up in the meantime and I feel a degree of relief at the thought that we don't have children together.

It takes some time but it does get better!

SeriousStuff · 25/11/2015 20:46

Nothing more to add to all the great comments above, just wanted to acknowledge your message and tell you to take care of yourself. That's the most important thing at the moment x

CwtchMeQuick · 25/11/2015 20:50

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I had a miscarriage back in April, and while I wouldn't say I've gotten over it, the overwhelming and devastating grief has subsided. I'm still sad, but it's not as much of an all consuming sadness as it was. I've found myself starting to struggle again now as I'm preparing for christmas as my due date would've been Boxing Day, but I'm sure once that's passed it'll become easier again.

My friend lost a baby around the same time as me, and she's now expecting again and seems to have found much more peace with her loss than I have done.

I have a charm for my baby, and will buy a special something to go on the Christmas tree. And whilst I'm not overly religious, I'll be taking DS to church over Christmas to say a prayer for my baby girl that I'll never get to hold.

Be kind to yourself

FrancesOldhamKelsey · 25/11/2015 20:54

I do remember that pain so well - I'd never felt anything like it before. But I only remember it, I no longer feel it.

In my case I was pregnant again within six months, so if I hadn't had that MC my DD wouldn't be here - that makes a huge difference of course.

Very best wishes OP and I'm so sorry for your loss

bristollady · 26/11/2015 14:31

I was trying to be really rational about it and go to work and stay busy, but people with babies are everywhere. Every time someone walks past me with their beautiful child I just feel so angry and upset that mine is gone. I'm still bleeding all the time and it's like a constant reminder that I wasn't able to hang onto it. I know medically there isn't anything I could have done but it doesn't stop me feeling awful about it.

RiverTam · 26/11/2015 14:35

Yes, you can. Like others on this thread, I have had seven. At the time you wonder how you can put yourself through it again. Right now you need to look after yourself and take it at your own pace. Sometimes I left months before feeing ready to try again, other times I was back on track straight away. And my beautiful girl in nearly 6 now.

and for you, OP.

QforCucumber · 26/11/2015 14:44

You can and do,

my mmc was 2.5 years ago now, found out at an early 9 week scan that the embryo hadn't grown past 7 weeks. I took a month off work sick as had suffered really bad bleeds and ended up admitted to hospital for a week after a transfusion, I definitely needed that time to get my head around what had happened.

I take great solace in knowing that so early there is nothing I or anyone could have done to stop it happening and that it really wasn't my fault.
Currently 25 weeks pregnant now, and though this pregnancy has been slightly tainted with the fear of another loss, especially in the early days, once you feel the movements and start to realise it can happen for you then the fear and pain really does subside.

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