30 - babies or Masters?

[Almondbiscotti]

I have recently turned 30 and have been broody for the past year. OH and I have been trying to decide plan for trying to have baby but I have been offered opportunity to study a masters part time whilst working a fairly stressful job already (long hours etc). Masters would be part funded by my employer. I am interested in the subject that I would be studying and my OH thinks it would give me a competitive edge when returning back to work and may enable me to become self-employed as a consultant in the long term which would assist with work life balance especially with young family.

I have always thought that by 30 I should be cracking on with starting a family and I worry about leaving starting too late as I would like to have 2 or 3. Although I appreciate that 32-33 may not be too late? Might the chances of conceiving reduce?

I am a bit torn between wanting a family soon - that's what my heart says; or delaying by 2 years or so to study - this is what my head thinks (albeit it's not guaranteed that the masters would advance my career and I am concerned about having to cope with additional stress of studying again whilst working full time).

What do you think I should do?
Thanks!

Personally at 30 I would do the masters first. At 33 I would not.

I would do the masters, a couple of years at 30 shouldn't make a massive difference and I speak from bitter experience when I say that studying with a small child is HARD!

I would do that masters. Maybe you could start trying for a baby when you are part way through the course (obviously late enough so you wouldn't actually be having the baby whilst doing the masters), though I appreciate being pregnant, studying and having a full time job would be a lot!

Do the Masters now, whilst you have the time, opportunity, funding and peace and quiet to study.

33 is still young to be cracking on with babies.

Baby - we started ttc when I was 31 and 27 months later we are no closer to our goal. We put off trying until we were financially secure which is a massive regret now. You just never know how long it will take.

Pick up the masters. If you decide to have a baby you may not fall PG until or give birth until after you finish your masters anyway. And there's nothing stopping you from TTC whilst studying, is there?

Just FYI - I fell PG by accident ten years ago whilst using BC. Been TTC now for six months and nada - age and fertility definitely go hand in hand for me! I wouldn't wait unless you had to.

If you want three I wouldn't put it off. If you wait and it takes you a while to conceive, will you be happy to have the masters but forego a third? 30 is young, but if you feel ready and you're in a secure relationship/financial situation, you have to decide if that's worth gambling on.

It's a gamble, as others have said 30 is still young and waiting 2 years will make little difference but at 30 you are already past peak fertility. If you are planning a big family bare in mind that it is considered perfectly normal to be trying for a year to conceive.

you should sit down with your OH and discuss what is important. Do you really want the masters or is it just that it's been offered and you feel you should accept? If you delay and then find you dtruggle to conceive would you regret that more than you would regret foregoing the degree?

Also, consider that if you are broody now but choose to do the degree you may find yourself resenting it as something preventing you from achieving what your heart desires.

All that being said, plenty of women continue to have children into their early 40s with no trouble at all and you may be one of them.

I had the baby midway through my masters, as did another woman. Start studying and ttc

BOTH! While for me I got pg sooner than expected and masters took longer and was tricky to complete once I had dd, I cant imagine it any other way! Good luck , exciting times ahead!

I was in the exact same position as you. I did the masters- my reasoning was a) it would help my career, b) I'd wanted to do it for a while but could only just afford it, c) the next opportunity would be once the kids were in school for financial reasons, d) I really wanted it and e) we agreed to ttc once it was done. I finished it last September. We got married in December and started trying in April. I'm now 30weeks pregnant!

In hindsight I would say masters first.
You absolutely have time for 3 dc assuming normal fertility after that.

As I understand it it is after 35 that fertility declines faster especially if you are childless.

As someone who failed to complete her PhD through 3 pregnancies and is struggling to do anything now with 4 dc, the sensible money is on doing it first!
(I also had dc at 31 34 36 and 40)

Fertility experts would say you shouldn't wait. Personally I think you could get away with studying the first year for Masters and then TTC in your second year. Studying whilst pregnant/with a baby is doable. Trying to study with a toddler is near on impossible.

Good luck!!

Is there ever a good time to have a baby?

Thanks everyone. I do feel like it's now or never when it comes to the masters!

I had my first DC when I was 30 and I wish we had started sooner.

You have many, many, many years ahead of you to do your Masters but if you want 2-3 children then perhaps now is the time to focus on that.

Babies are way, way, way more important than any career. You will only get this when you have one. Babies, though, are becoming more and more tricky to come by for women in their thirties (men's sperm is declining in quality at rapid rates).

Start trying now, is my advice.

It really depends what's more important to you, fertility actually starts to decline after 25 not 35. There is a sharper dip after 35 so if you want 3 children you might struggle. We're ttc #1 just now however I appreciate we're probably in a better position that most couples our age, sure I could progress my career more if I wanted however to me having a family is more important, so it's really your decision. You might not struggle to conceive at all but there's a risk you might and then you will have to wait a year to see a doctor. We want 2 or 3 as well with about 3 years in between and I was concerned as I'm 28 xx

Hi there, interesting thread because I have been there, done all that!

I started my masters while childfree and an anal-retentive, type A perfectionist at age 37 and had two babies while doing it. Then I had two more babies.

Yes, four babies, plus masters degree in six and a half years, starting age 37. I'll let you do the math on my fertility. Doing graduate school while pregnant twice in one calendar year was hell. I would not recommend that to my worst enemy... however, it was doable... it's all doable.

I will tell you what, going on this adventure has given me a huge sense of accomplishment. Huge. I feel there is nothing I can't do and nothing my daughters can't do with the right support. I learned more from this experience outside school than in. I had to let go of everything: fear, perfectionism, the concept of the "right" time, and being in control.

The masters has paid off in pay, opportunity, prestige, but most importantly, flexibility for my family. However, I would put family before education. Having children changes perspective and you may find work not as fulfilling once you meet your own baby and realise how challenging motherhood can be.

If I were you, I would accept the paid masters, get a yr of study done, then try for a baby. My university had to hold my spot legally while I went on maternity leave for a year. Look into this.

At the end of the day, however, university will still be open when you're 60, fertility is fickle.

Best wishes!

I must add, doing my masters and having children was very difficult in an unexpected way: when you are advancing your career with such a major step as graduate school, it can be very difficult to switch between being a student and mother. I found graduation tough... I was so consumed by my studies (and the dogma) that I was very idealistic and felt ready to tackle the world... but I had two young babies at home. Trying to focus on them and school, it was very attention splitting.

Doing a masters is very intense. Having a baby is very intense Having two babies and doing a masters was much too intense!

I would have preferred to do one major project at a time. Like chapters. To be honest, once I got my masters, I was so gung ho about work and worried about using my masters that I didn't enjoy my children's babyhoods. I would do my masters later and enjoy my children FULLY when they were young. For example, I took my first post masters job when my third was 8 months and it impacted breastfeeding, despite pumping. I can't get that time with her back and it didn't matter to my career, in retrospect.

I also would have had children much younger. I had no issues with conception at all, but waiting two konths panicked me every time. The clock was really ticking post 36 and I put myself under tremendous pressure.

I had this choice a year ago, although not my first masters as I had got that out of the way in my mid twenties whilst I was responsibility free. For my job I needed to do a specific masters and it was a really tough decision.

In the end I decided that I would start the course, and wait to TTC until I had got part way through it. I only need the PGCert part of the masters for my job so I waited until I was 6 months into it so any baby would be born after. I'm nearly finished the course and still not pregnant. I'm now torn over whether to start a PhD and worrying about promotion at work - there is never a good time career wise!

Have you checked out whether you can take breaks, and what the maximum time is you have to complete?