What age is too young or old?

[Wondererer]

I worry I'm too young to start trying for a baby.

I worry even more so that we won't be able to afford a child.

Background info I'm 21, have a long term partner, just moved into out first home. Disposable income of around 800 at the moment with us both working full time. Currently decorating our home so wouldn't want to start trying until summer 2016.

I worry that mat pay would leave us struggling.

Are you too young? No.

Would it be easier if you waited? Maybe. Depends whether you'll be earning more in a few years and whether you want to go back to work!

Finances are a bit part of it. Imagine losing your entire wage and having one extra mouth to feed. If you still think you can afford it, and you can factor in childcare, then why not.

I would strongly recommend you to wait a couple more years so you can get more established in your careers, get your home exactly the way you want it and enjoy life as a couple for a bit longer

I wouldn't say you're too young as you seem quite settled which is more important imho. And there's definitely advantages to having children younger.

But are you ready to give up nights out/lie ins and basically doing what you want? Because having a baby completely changes your life and it becomes much harder to do some things. Don't underestimate how difficult it can be to give up the freedom to do what you want whenever you want.

There's no age limit on being a parent OP nor do you have to be married like some twats people think it all comes down to if you feel ready and have a stable relationship and a stable home etc me and my partner are in the same situ as you we're 21 first home together good income lots of disposable income and we can't wait to settle down despite other people our own age been horrified and trying to talk us out of it

I had my first at 21, I wish I had waited and spent more time getting to know dh, I had my 2nd 2 years later. Dh and I didn't last , I wish I had spent a couple of years with dh, doing things together before deciding on having children. Of course it's different for everyone.

Cowbag we don't go out. I had my first night out the other day that I had in about 5 months. We both don't really do the drinking and going out thing. OH goes to football once a week and then comes straight back home. That's it. Not your typical couple of 21 year olds I know. My hobbies include visiting my nanna, art and cooking! At the moment I work 6 days a week and my day off I clean the house top to bottom so 0 lie ins here.

Warriors we are the same. Tbh we only have work friends mostly as we both work in offices and they are all older and not even in a situation to buy houses as they essentially all used to go out every weekend, all weekend, so couldn't afford it. Most are buying their first homes between 30- 35 or plan on renting forever so they were shocked to see we were in a position to buy. Maybe that's why they have a different view as they liked and still like to go out and drink lots whereas were both very family orientated and happy in eachothers company. Our treat is a takeaway maybe once a month!

Nevergoingtolearn sorry to hear about that. Were you together long before falling pregnant with first? Me and OH have been.together for years and have always been clear we wanted children especially OH always Said he wanted children young
Xx

In a similar position to you. We are 22 and 23, getting married end of next year. Was worried we were too young but really thought it through and discussed with parents etc... Realised it is fine. I think age has little to do with it really. We have been together almost ten years so the getting to know each other thing isn't really an issue. How long have you two been together?

Queen Wow 10 years! We have been together 3 years now. His parents constantly nag us saying hurry up and give us a grandchild! My family not so bothered as I have older siblings who already have kids so they've kind of been there and done that sort of thing.

Congrats on getting married next year. We wouldn't mind children prior to marriage really x

I was 22 when I conceived my first 23 when he was born I had been married five years. We actually had significant fertility issues and had started TTC when I was 19. I had my second at 26, only took 2 years to conceive her.
So no I definitely don't think you are too young. As for too old, I know it is an unpopular view both on mumsnet and in RL but 30 was my definite cut off and as much as I would have liked a third at 32 I don't feel I have the physical strength and energy reserves to go through pregnancy, birth and the newborn stage that I had doing it at 22/23.

Yep we got together in school! 3 years is good, especially if you are living together! It will be first grandchild on both sides for us so we are hoping everyone will be happy :)

Queen that is lovely and I'm sure both sides would be very supportive. My siblings generally waited till they were nearer 30 so don't think my family would be too over the moon but then once it is here I'm sure they'd treat it no different. His family would be ecstatic however.

Spider thank you for your input. I'm glad it was a happy ending for you. I'm hoping I don't have fertility issues but worried I will have. I was on contraception for 7 years without break. Just had implant take out well nearly 9 weeks ago and no period still which is worrying me (were using condoms currently), definitely not pregnant either as did a test. I've never wanted a period to come so bad before haha

sweetie, nobody can predict when the right time is...its different for everyone. I was 21 when i married, 22 when i had my first live birth...and here i am, aged 44, trying (and trying!!) for (live) child #6 (9 if you count angel babies!)

Ive been with my o/h since i was 14, and in january will celebrate 30 years as an item, and in may we will have been married 24 years.

We have had some very tough times in those 30 years and come out of the other side of each and every one of them....bizarrely, every single friend who was in a couple at the time of our wedding, have divorced/separated from the one they were with at our wedding, except us.

You will always imagine there may/could be a better time, but in truth, there could always be a worse time too....my advice is...if it feels right for both of you, then go for it.....nobody can predict what will happen in the future if you wait, but equally, if it doesnt feel right for either one of you, then dont do it, and wait until it does feel right for you both.

And as for money/career etc...when a baby comes along you just manage...you adjust and it all seems to come together...maybe not in the way you envisaged in pre baby days or when you were younger, but when does life follow plans anyways) but you always cope and adjust (often without even noticing) and it all seems to come together!.

Fishwife your words literally bought a tear to my eye. (I'm so emotional tonight!)

That is so lovely that you have been together so long and have 5 babies wow! Baby dust for the 6th and I'm sorry to hear about the angels.

I think you've just gave me the biggest wake up call ever. Your words are so right and true. We both would love one now. OH has wanted to start trying for the last year. I think we're going to start trying summer 2016 and see how it goes. The house should be finished by then I hope and our big holidays will all be finished by then. X

I don't think 21 is too young. My mum was 20 when she had her first and 22 when she had me and I love having a young mum. I always thought I would have kids young, not 20 but 26ish always felt the right age.

I'm 35 now and been trying for #1 almost a year. I don't regret any of my choices - university, travel, master's etc. And then a break-up aged 30 meant that I only met the partner I'll now spend my life with when I was 32.

So I would say it's not about money but about where you are in your life and you seem in a secure relationship. No-one knows what will happen in the future so you have to make the decision that feels right now.

Incidentally, my mum was 40 when she had her last! She regrets nothing but has always said it was hard being a mum so young. Though I suspect it is always hard, whatever age you start.

Thanks star. Good luck with the baby making!

I've always wanted to be a young mum like you around 25 I thought I'd want to start trying, me and OH plan was always start driving, save to buy a house, buy a house, do it up to our taste, have holidays etc in between and then children and marriage or marriage then children! We didn't think we'd be able to get a house as fast as we did I guess.

My mum also-ran me at 40 and my oldest sibling at 22! A sibling of mine had her first at 21/22 and my parents were disappointed to say the least. Although she hadn't been with her oh for long and still lived at home and was in Debt.. Completely different situation. Other sibling had his at 30 was married had a home etc. They were much happier for him.

I think next year we will start trying once the house is complete.

I don't think age is the only factor to be honest. Like you said, living situation, relationship, money etc all factor in. I would say it's more important to be 'settled' than the perfect age.

Queen I feel we are more than settled and our days of partying have been Kong gone for a while. Tbh when we both met we weren't really into going into town and drinking lots and lots. Were like a little old couple!

I guess I worry of being judged for our ages but I shouldn't. I do worry about money even though we are very comfortable money wise. I guess it's the unknown of all the money side of things which worry me too. Maternity leave etc

I think you should look up all the maternity leave info etc. It made me feel better when I did. Of course it sounds like you're on a comfortable wage in which case it might be a bit of a drop to live on mat pay. But you could always put extra money aside.

I was worried about what people would think but after talking about it with DP and DM I don't care any more :) you can't please everyone!

Hi wanderer

I don't think you are too young at all. As the other lovely ladies have already said, I think it depends on where you are in your life and your situation.

I was married at 21 (met hubby at uni) and although there was a few raised eyebrows, I was always quite mature and it was the best decision for me. 3 months after our wedding, I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and underwent major surgery. I am only just feeling more like my normal self now (I will be 26 tomorrow). It's been just over 4 years since the surgery.

Had I not got ill, we would've gone for a family after a couple of years. The illness just makes me realise even more that we never know what is ahead. Had I been diagnosed before the wedding I think I would have called it off as we had no idea whether I would make it through or not etc.

Wish us luck as we have just started trying to conceive! About time we had a bit of positive news to focus on :)

Wish you all the best when you decide to go for it.