Late 30s and wondering what to do?

[Terabithia]

Hi everyone, I hope I'm posting in the right section.

I'm a mum-of-one, my daughter is eight. I split up with her father six years ago, and am now engaged to my partner of four years. I'm in my late 30s, he's in his early 40s.

I would value your opinions. He says he really wants to be a dad, and I've no reason to doubt what he says - he seems very sincere, and he's great with my daughter. We've been talking about it for more than a year, but he wants to hold off until he has more money. I am fortunate enough to earn very good money and have around £20,000 in savings. My partner's earnings are much lower than mine. That's never bothered me - I want to have enough money to live on and have a few small treats now and again (e.g. meals out), but it doesn't fuss me if we're never rich.

As much as he wants a child, he wants to wait until his earnings are higher. I admire his wish to make sure he can provide for us, but I can't see him changing jobs or earning significantly more within the next few years. Meanwhile, my biological clock is ticking more and more loudly! Pretty much all the time nowadays I'm thinking about having a baby, and every month I think about another egg being wasted.

I've tried to explain how I feel, he knows the clock is ticking, but he doesn't have the same feeling of urgency as I do. My question is - should I let the matter drop now I've explained my feelings, or should I bring it up again? I don't want to be unreasonable, but I don't want to be looking back in a few years' time and feeling sad that we left it too late!

I know that whatever happens, I'm very lucky to already have a daughter, but I'd love a second child if possible.

Any advice/opinions will be welcomed, thank you.

I think you need to sit him down and explain that it's not just about your feelings, that if he wants a child it may well need to be now or never.

Go online and get the figures for fertility, miscarriage and complications when your plus 35. It can make for some scary reading. If he still doesn't understand the urgency then I don't know what else you can do other than perhaps look at your finances and prove that you can afford it now.

Thank you so much, that's very good advice. I've looked up some stats from sites such as the NHS, and thought about what I will say. I want to make it clear that I'll stay with him whether or not he wants to be a father, but that if it is something he wants to do, we can't wait any longer before trying to conceive.

Thanks again. :)

That's fine Hun, I had to have a similar "I'm not getting any younger" chat with mine. I think because men don't have the same biological expiry date they don't really think about it in the same way we do.

Good luck, I hope it works out for you :-)