anyone else TTC in a far from ideal relationship?

[hairbrushbedhair]

I'm really fed up today. My relationship (marriage) is down the pan and we are Seperated and in counselling. I don't think we'll resolve things to an ideal relationship.

I have fertility problems and a short window due to my age for conceiving. I have a 3 year old son. I don't want him to be an only child.

Why is everyone so against non ideal relationships conceiving when single people can perfectly acceptably use sperm donors or adopt if they wish? . Neither are options open to me unfortunately.

Unplanned pregnancies are still celebrated...

I'd be having a planned pregnancy, my child would have both parents in its life. It just would be bringing it into a not ideal relationship but once the goal of having another child is fulfilled we simply co parent. I feel like we're trying to put something back together for the sole purpose of having another child

I don't see why I should be forced to forgo any other children because the relationship is not in a great place....

Rant done. Comments welcome

The only opinions who matter here are yours and your husbands. If you both want a second child and you are committed to raising the children as co parents if you separate then I say good luck to you.

If you want to go through the stress of splitting uo while pregnamt or with a young child then that is your choice. If he is happy to co-parent then great, but unless you are under the same roof that will be impossible for quite a while so you will be doing it alone while resenting that he isn't there doing it with you and should be.
The fact that you have come on to an anonymous forum to try and justify your decision to complete strangers suggests you think you are making the wrong decision. Just my two cents.
Best wishes in whatever you decide x

It's not most people's ideal but then again people have ideals when they choose to have a child in a stable relationship that then fails so at least you are under no illusion and can properly discuss the situation.
My opinion is that if it's something that you and your husband both want to do and are realistic about the different problems that may arise and how you will deal with them then I don't see a problem.
I think you would really need to chat about the ins and outs of it to ensure that there was no resentment or negativity later as that could impact on the child.
If you work everything out properly then good luck to you.

There is no ideal and there is never really a right time, anything can go wrong at anytime… If you feel that you want another child, as long as you have the means to put a roof over their head and give them love then that is all they need. There are kids born everyday all over the world with far far less than someone like you could offer them and they get by and are happy. We have created all these ideals and realities but like my grandma said (who was an amazing mum to 4 incredible kids), a baby needs 3 things in life - love, a tit and a draw xxx (they couldn't afford a cot back then) xxx if you want it then grab the bull by the horns and go for it

you already know what it takes to bring up a child, the choice is yours and your husband's. But things will be hard with a tiny one and an older sibling, and you will no doubt feel torn in various directions... coparenting (IE you watch the older one, I've got a tiny on my boob) is hard when you're both fully committed, let alone when you've got heaps of adult baggage

I think the reason people might view a someone choosing to become a single parent differently to someone choosing to bring a child into an bad relationship has to do with the unhappiness. Someone who is single doesn’t by default have a home filled with stress and unhappiness all of which children can pick up on.

Is your plan with your DH to stay together after you have the baby or to split up and live separate lives?

We already live seperately so I'm very familiar being a single mum but co-parent pretty well, we can both spend days out as a family with DS, both share the finances, and both attend hospital appointments for Ds together etc and are good friends/company when not focusing on our own relationship, so it kind of works this way already with the child we do have

We both want another child and have been putting the relationship back together with that aim but everyone says don't do it till your relationship great again yet my fertility window is closing on me

I don't think it will ever be great again or if so it will take longer than I have if I wish to have another baby to get to that point of it being great again

So I guess we've chosen to do it backwards, hopefully have another child - before really trying to work out the relationship or closing the door on it for good.

I think it sounds very grown up, and if you can cope with the emotional fallout of pregnancy and all it entails (also, how do you dtd in this scenario???! I'm just intrigued, not at all judging!) then I applaud you. I appreciate it is difficult with your nearest and dearest all adding their ten penneth

We've been through infertility first time around tbh it's all very clinical after that when TTC

However we do actually like each other and if we stop trying to fix our relationship and work through the problems and just relax about that then a sex life is possible

It's when we try to fix things we seem to break them further iyswim

Also pregnancy, I don't know. I suffered badly in my last with antenatal depression and anxiety but in some ways im at an advantage now as he can look after DC elsewhere if it hits again but I also know the signs and would be monitored and closely supported by a psych team