going for a third - over 40?

[alondonmum]

Tormented by decision of whether to go for no 3. It doesn't help that I'd be 41. Just wonder if I'm mad even thinking about it - the chaos, pressure on finances, space, time, energy, less able to devote time and attention to first two.... The list of cons goes on and on, so I know I shouldn't even be thinking about it, but just can't seem to say "ok, let's put the baby stuff on ebay!". Anyone got any thoughts/advice?

I am 39 and 28 weeks pregnant with my 3rd.

I must say - I'm not doing it again! I have been really tired this time and all the aches and pains have really caught up with me.

However, I reckon if you're fit and healthy (I am healthy but not madly fit ) I don't suppose there's any reason not to - look at Cherie Blair - she had number 4 at 45 didn't she?!

I am ttc at the moment and am 39. I would be at least 40 when it was born. Don't see any reason not to go ahead

I am also an older mum wondering to try again and I would encourage you to take the bull by the horns as it were. Our grandmothers had babies until they literally couldn't take any more and no-one ever batted an eye-lid. Think of all the joy your children give you and then add on another third.

Not convinced myself. Have two under 3 and they're both fantastic kids but still the thought of all the potential complications does add up as the years go by. I was 39 when I had my 2nd - DD and I know it's horribly cold but ... I want to retire at some point! The longer you take to rear the kids the longer it takes to fill up that pension pot (unless of course you're loaded then go for it).

Of course they bring joy but will it always be a case of 'just one more'. I do know exactly how you feel LondonMum and can hardly see a newborn without pangs (Holly on Corrie tonight for example) but think how you'd feel if it was twins???? Also more likelihood of this over 40. If you go for it though all the best, it's such an amazing gift so who can tell you not to do it?

I am in the same decision zone, I would be 40 by the time the baby was born, I have two wonderful children age 2 and 3 and was convinced that was it. But suddenly I am questioning whether to go for it again. I always wanted 4 when I was younger, but now I am not so young and think this would be madness. How does anyone answer this question?

same decision but decided no I can't do it again

but its such a personal decision I don't know how anyone can help you decide

I still get pangs of broodiness .. youngest is 2.8 ..

i have ds 5 and am 37. i would desperately love another child. chances are very slim un less i finally meet someone. have been man and sex free since nite ds was conceived. god that sounds weird!!! but would like to meet someone just dont do anything about it. IYKWIM. good luck with whatever you decide.

I am in a similar boat and 42. Wavering and weighing up all the pros and cons has meant I have delayed trying again for a bit too long... so I have no idea if I will be able to have another. I know a few mums who have had a late No: 3 and they are all so happy and have very relaxed babies. But of course it is a lot of extra work, and a lot depends on how young your first two are. I have also seen mums with 3 very close together who are frazzled.

What does your heart say?

p.s. I also know a few people who tried for No: 3 and got twins!

hi

this is exactly me. Nearly 42 and have an 11 month old. Would love another and decided to just let nature take its course but not get obsessional about trying.

My worry is not so much tiredness but high risk of Downs syndrome etc, twins and also no room in the house.

But going to see how it goes.

Hi Mumfun yes there are all the health issues to worry about... I often manage to terrify myself and think should I stick with what I have got...

i had my third 8 months ago - she was 5 months on my 40th bday

no age related probs other than being knackered and feeling weird being pg with grey hair

I had my third when I'd just turned 41. I then had three under 4. It was a nightmare at times. Had enough energy but the stress levels are very high with three so close together.
Best decision I ever made though and can see the light at the end of the tunnel now. But it is much more work than 2 and much harder to go back to work, get sitters, crown control. The noise level in our house is outrageous and the youngest isn't even talking yet!
Sorry not much help but if you can live with 2, stick there it's much easier. If you think that feeling will always be there, go for it.

That should be crowd control.

had 3rd at 42 y old. Happy with my mad decision...

Go for it!

I was 41 when dd3 was born.

It took longer to conceive and apparently the risks are higher but I knew I hadn't finished after 2.

In my own experience the 3rd had to fit into the school routine as my other dds were 6 and 3 and tbh I didn't think it was that much harder work as you are already doing all the baby stuff.

I remember being really tired but definitely enjoyed the 3rd the most as I wasn't worried I wasn't doing things correctly and just did my own thing and dd3 was a really happy baby.

One thing, forget ever getting your figure back - over 40 your skin has lost the elasticity that helped you previously get back into shape - 9 years on I'm still a lumpy dumpling shape!

It has been great to hear others experience, I have talked it through with dh and he really wants to wait til Feb/Mar before seriously trying, but then that is only a short time away. In the meantime I am starting charting bbt and taking prenatal vitamins etc. So we will just see what happens. To be honest I always wanted 4 children, but I did not want to be pregnant after 40, so twins would be excellent! However I am concerned how the family would be affected if the baby had disabilities, but that is a worry for everyone ttc really. I don't feel old enough to be 40 yet, perhaps that is why I want to be ttc again!!!!!

mumfun at seeing you on this thread didn't know you were over 40 either, we are currently debating number 3 but I'm 32 this year but I feel kind of old as it is (one of my reasons for having number 3 so quick is that I feel I'm knocking on a bit )

I seem to hold the record here - I had my third baby last May, two months after I turned 43. It's not as I had planned it when I was younger - got married at 27 but didn't conceive with my first husband and then he died when he was 34 and I was 33. I would never have believed I would be here now, almost 10 years later, with a second husband and three children - born when I was 37, 40 and 43 . I have to say there are times when I wonder if I am finding it harder than younger mums, but friends in their early and mid thirties tell me they are exhausted and stressed too. There is always the worry that having a baby late in life carries greater risks, but I spent almost 7 years trying for a baby with dh1 and so each pregnancy with dh2 was a miracle to me and I wanted each baby no matter what. My 6 yr old is a great help with the baby and I am enjoying her soooooo much. Good luck with your attempts for number 3 - enjoy what you have and take anything else as a bonus

I had my baby at 41, it was fine.