Struggling to concieve....

[MrsHFoster25]

Hello!!
I'm completely new to this! So sorry if this is at all long - winded! I'll try and keep things short and sweet!
Myself and my husband have been trying for a baby since our daughter was born - At first, not so much trying, but we weren't being careful either - nor did/do we want to be. We want more children!
However, this was just over two years ago and still... nothing... Not even a pregnancy scare!!
I found out a year ago that I had endometriosis. I underwent laparoscopic keyhole surgery and had it removed - and they did also explain to me that it can come back at any time; two weeks, ten months, 20 years...
I haven't been experiencing any pain whatsoever like I did before my op but I have still got the pregnant - looking - bloated - belly! To me, I look like I did when I was two months pregnant! I've even been mistaken for being so!
I've attempted taking folic acid each day as recommended by a friend as apparently it can help. So fingers crossed!
BUT what I am writing on here is because I tend to get quite down in the dumps about it. Everywhere I look there's a pregnant woman - tv/when im out/someone announcing a pregnancy or a birth on social media! Everywhere! And I beat myself up about it because I wonder why can I not conceive another child?? We are both from equally as large families and would like a large one of our own. Please if there are any suggestions on getting pregnant or what Im doing wrong or just somebody to talk to then please do reply! It would mean a lot xxx

As I read your post about it taking over your life, I just feel for you so much as I know the feeling all too well. It completely took over mine. It was all that was on my mind every minute of the day for 4 years straight, and because I turned 38 during my last IVF cycle, the last couple of years with infertility were really the worst because I had been through repeated failures and so it really seemed like IVF would not work and I was close to turning 40 and thought I would be living in that deep dark depressed state the rest of my life. So I really feel for you as I know how awful it is.

That sounds like an excellent plan to tell them not only the physical things of what has been happening (or not happening) with your cycles, but also the fact that the longer it goes on, the worse emotional effect it is having on you need treatment to help with your depression about the situation. Surely they will be understanding. You've done amazing with your weight loss and I am sure that will show them how much this means to you. I wish the people we have to deal with at the infertility clinics had been through it themselves as then they would truly understand!

I had the appointment on Wednesday. The consultant won't budge, BMI has to be 30 for treatment. There must be guidelines to follow in my area, as I know other women with much higher BMIs are given treatment. I was gutted at one point during the appointment, but there is a positive, which is that she wants me to lose one more stone, then go back in 6 weeks when she has promised to prescribe Clomid, no questions asked! She was impressed with how much weight I'd lost and I left the appointment feeling positive that I'm getting there. It does feel like progress. Bit gutted I won't be able to take the Clomid til January due to AF being due the week before i get the prescription in Dec, so will have to wait for the following AF. I'm glad I'm getting there though :)

I felt heartbroken for you when I read your first sentence and just imagined how hard it would be to be positive and hence, keep up all the hard work you've done so far when you'd waited so long for that appointment to provide you with the next step and it didn't happen.

But as I kept reading, at least there was a silver lining. You have a definite count down date until when you now know you will be taking Clomid that cycle... but typical murphy's law that your period will have arrived a week before you get the Clomid. I hope that you have a few things planned over the Christmas period to make time go a bit quicker (not that anything ever made it quicker when I was counting down to an IVF cycle!)

Glad you left the appointment feeling positive as that makes it easier to keep soldiering forward. After each of my IVF cycle failures, I was always depressed and my healthy eating went out the window. So I'm happy for you that at least she was impressed with your efforts and left you feeling like you're almost there.

It is typical about AF being the week before I get Clomid, I kept bringing it up as I was keen to take it before Christmas and finally get things moving, but she wouldn't budge. It does give me a couple more weeks to get the weight off though, so I can't complain too much.

I have had a couple of depressed moments when I've thought about eating something unhealthy but I just picture a baby and the desire for that is much stronger than for a burger etc! Just hoping the Clomid will be it. Feels like I've been trying forever already and will be gutted if it doesn't work but I'll just have to wait and see, which is always the worst part isn't it.

That's so true. It feels like such a long build up to get to the point of Clomid for you/IVF cycle for me, that it is all the more gut wrenching when it doesn't work. Will you be monitored by the clinic during your Clomid cycle with bloods and / or ultrasound to see that you do actually ovulate?

Yes, it does give you a couple more weeks to get the weight off, but I can so understand wanting to get a roll on and do it one cycle earlier because every day feels like a week when you're counting down.

I on the other hand, am naughtily putting on weight. I usually weigh between 72kg when I'm being good and 74 after being naughty. They say you should put on around 14kg during pregnancy and most of that happens in the second and third trimester. Well I'm only half way at 20 weeks and I already weight 83kg. I was so restrictive during my long IVF battle that I have just enjoyed chocolate, chips and ice cream that I have deprived myself of for so long. I am still healthy most of the time, eating lots of fruit, veg, good fats like nuts and avocados, but I seem to have this evil night time eating monster that comes out after about 7pm when I just want to pick at something naughty. So I'm certain that while some of it is pregnancy weight, the rest of it is me rebelling after being so strict on myself for so long.

Nothing has been mentioned about how I'll be monitored whilst on Clomid. She'll go through all the details at the next appointment, but of course um hoping to have scans and bloods, not just bloods.

It's natural to ease off when you have been restrictive, but if you're still eating healthily a lot of the time, you're still better off than a lot of pregnant women. My DH's cousin put on 4 stone! She just ate everything and anything she wanted and is just starting to think about losing it all, plus a few stone she already needed to, 8 months after having her baby. Personally, when I'm lucky enough to be pg, I'll aim not to put much on for health reasons and to make the pg easier, but also so I don't have much to lose after. Doesn't hurt to have a few treats though!

Yes, that way my theory too that I aimed not to put too much on during pregnancy, but the theory has not been put into practice! If I just ate normally prior to this, I would probably get all excited and go into extreme healthy mode for the 40 weeks, but because I spent 4 years living my life that way, it's exactly as you say that I have enjoyed easing off after 4 years of restrictiveness. Wow, 4 stone is a lot for your cousin to put on, and it must seem even more of an enormous task when also needs to lose a few extra stone she already had on before hand. But perhaps I shouldn't speak too soon... there's still 20 more weeks for my weight to increase by 4 stone.

But still, I shouldn't complain to you who is just dreaming of being in the position of being pregnant and needing to watch your weight, as opposed to me having been fortunate enough to have IVF success and now concerned about my weight. So I shall stop complaining about me and focus on you.

Right, so nearly one week down since your last appointment, and 5 more to go before you go back for review and get your Clomid! Interesting that your periods are quite regular that you are able know that one is due a week before your next appointment. Does that at least indicate something positive with your weight loss, because I thought women who didn't ovulate had periods all over the place. The fact that you have regular cycles must at least mean your body is going through a regular routine?

Complain away! I'm sure I'll be the same lol That's the thing, I've always had a period, it's just long. Can guess roughly based on the average of previous cycles though. Am hoping the weight loss has helped though, as signs as home through temping and opks etc show I have ovulated the last 2 cycles. I didn't temp or use opks before that so annoyingly I'll never know whether it's the weight loss that has helped or reinstated ov. Still no pg though so hooray for Clomid!

I used to enjoy doing the OPK's and tracking my cycle in a website called Fertility Friend - it at least felt like something practical I was doing in amongst all the waiting and worrying. So now that you know you've ovulated the last two cycles, is it the actual lead up to ovulation that is long, or after ovulation that is making your cycles longer? Whichever it is, I hope Clomid fixes it!!

FYI, I spent the first year of my infertility battle working on myself. I had the opposite problem with short cycles. Also, I'd had low milk supply with my son and so I spent the first year of my infertility battle assuming the problem was with me and trying all sorts of supplements to lengthen my cycle and increase my non existent fertile CM. It then turned out hubby had abnormal sperm to add to my low fertility and it felt like I'd wasted a year working on only me. Does the clinic have your hubby do any investiagtions, or do they mention this as a plan B for after Clomid.

In one way, I feel like you are all elated about trying Clomid and I am bringing you down implying that Clomid might not work and best to think of a plan B, but it's just that I was really annoyed that I was going back and forth to fertility specialists and it took one year for them to do a suggest a simple semen analysis instead of wasting a year of my time and emotions, so I like to share my story.

I like doing the OPK's and temping too (I also use FF) as it feels like I'm doing something productive. Although of course I wish I didn't even have to think about it all, but I am where I am. It's the lead up to ovulation that's really long for me, I'm CD24 today and ov on CD 31 last cycle. The lp after ov is on the shorter side.

I find it useful to hear your story so thankyou for sharing and your advice. The focus is all on me and rightly so for this, as hubby has had 2 SA a few months apart and they are normal. My main focus is Clomid, as I need to try to see if I'm one of the lucky ones it works for. If not, I know I'll be looking at further options like IVF, and have read up a little on it, but I always tend to get ahead of myself so am trying to just concentrate on Clomid first and see how it goes. I find it crazy that it took them so long to suggest testing a SA for your hubby, it was one of the early things suggested to me, along with my bloods. It does make me feel like it's my 'fault' that we haven't had children yet as he's fine and would most likely have a few by now if he wasn't with me, but I know I'm being down thinking that way. Trying to stay positive and just get to the next step.

Glad you find it useful hearing my story. I know I found other pregnancies really difficult to cope with when I was struggling, and a part of me now feels guilty being that pregnant woman in your face.

I can understand you feeling guilty that it's your fault for DH and you not having the family you want, although I am sure your DH doesn't feel that way and just sees your pain and feels badly for you. Trying to put a positive spin on it, I guess the positive side of him having two normal SA's is that it ups your odds of you being one of the lucky ones that Clomid works for.

Well, you're two weeks down and four more weeks to go until your appointment. You are doing absolutely amazing to be so determined and stick to your healthy eating for so long. I guess it's good your next appointment will be mid December when you will be prescribed Clomid and just have to wait until the new year for your period - at least knowing that you are going to start Clomid with your next cycle will help you stay healthy over Christmas with all the decadent food that will probably surround you!

You shouldn't at all. It's funny, I'm always happy to hear of a lady falling pg on here. It's much worse when it's someone I know in RL, such as my cousin and a work colleague who've both just announced their pregnancies (naturally, first time trying!)

I'm happy that his SA is normal too, as it will help as you say. Haven't been on here for a while, so it's only 2 weeks tomorrow til our appointment! Weight loss has slowed down now I'm smaller but just going to keep going, especially as hospital thought losing weight would make me ov but this cycle has been anovulatory. It just confirms that I'll likely need help no matter how much weight I lose, so it's all about losing enough to get the Clomid to start with.