TTC after a miscarriage. 5 months no luck. Anyone in same boat?

[waitingforarainbow]

Hi Everyone,

In January I found out I was pregnant for the first time after only two months of trying (and not even trying particularly hard - we were very lucky). My husband and I were elated. But at our 'reassurance' (oh, the irony) scan at 8 weeks, baby had a heartbeat but was only measuring 6 weeks 3 days. I was sure of my dates and knew it wasn't going to end well. Sure enough, a week later there was no heartbeat and a week after that I had an ERPC.

The miscarriage has been the hardest thing I've ever had to go through, and the only thing keeping me going through all of this was that everyone told me I would be more fertile after a MC, and that I would be bound to get pregnant super quickly, especially as it only took 2 months the first time. Well now I'm five months down the line and no luck. I was desperate to get a BFP this month as I will be turning 30 and had always hoped for kids (plural!!!) before I was 30. I'm now feeling really down about the whole thing, and when I look online I just find tons of women who have conceived right after a MC. Is anyone else in the same boat as me? I'm trying so hard to stay positive but it's really getting me down. It's my birthday in two weeks and I just wish I didn't feel this way.

I'm not really able to share my worries or sadness with anyone else, as my husband is super laidback and just 'going with the flow', and my friends and family just can't relate. Would just be so nice to have some support from others going through the same thing.

Thanks in advance,

x

Hi,

I'm in exactly the same boat as you. I too found out I was pregnant in January after "not trying not to get pregnant" for a couple of months (couldn't believe how quickly it happened). At my 12 week scan they told me I had a missed m/c (no h/b and slow growth) which eventually resulted in an ERPC. Like you it was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through, and I still get sad about it now.

We have also been trying since the ERPC to no avail. Have tried everything! It is really disheartening every month when it's a BFN. I turned 30 last November and also had hoped for at least one child before I was classed as "in my 30s"! :) I've been really down about it the last couple of weeks too. I was convinced last month was my month - had done everything right and got the timings "perfect". Sadly not. I have irregular and long(ish) cycles too which doesn't help as makes the waiting game even longer.

On the positive side, I have a friend who had a m/c around the same time as me and she just found out last week she is expecting again. Sometimes it takes a few months I think, but I'm sure it will happen for both of us.

Take care xx

Hi Bornfreekp29,

Thanks for your response. It's nice to hear someone else is in the same boat, although I'm so sorry you're having to go through this crappy experience too. Our stories do sound really similar!

Did they give you any explanation for the slow growth? As I've had luteal phase spotting for the past year I've asked for my progesterone levels to be tested this month but I've been told that the miscarriage was 'just one of those things' and probably genetic. Hopefully a one-off.

My cycles are quite long and irregular too. I use OPKs to find out when I'm going to ovulate, as I would have absolutely no idea otherwise! They're a godsend really. I would recommend them if you're not already using them. But like you, we got the timings 'perfect' the last two months and still nothing.

But fingers crossed for both of us. Really hope you get your BFP soon!

x

Hi rainbow I am in a very similar situation to you. Got pg first try in Jan and had a healthy scan at 10 weeks, then an MMC at 12 weeks. It's now been 5 months since my mc and I really expected to be pg and even past the 12 week point by now. I had some health probs caused by the mc, so I'm only on my second cycle of trying again but it is hard waiting when it happened so easily the first time. I should have had my baby at 29 but I will be 30 before I give birth now. 36 is my scary age though, 30 doesn't bother me too much. It is still so young, I know a lot of women having babies in their 40s. Try to stay positive, I know it's hard but we will get there one way or another. MN is good for balance because there are some girls who have it easy ttc and others who have been through far worse than I have. Why not come and join us on the ttc after MC forum? We are a friendly bunch and there's a real mixture of girls who have a very short journey to their next bfp and those who are around for longer.

Hi fruitlovingmonkey,

Thanks for your message. Sorry to hear you're in the same boat. I really hope you get a BFP soon. It must have been frustrating to have to wait before TTC and I hope you're feeling better now.

The age thing is silly. I know being over 30 isn't an issue and shouldn't make me worry. I think you just always have an age in your head. Mine used to be 27 and then I hastily changed it to 30 when I turned 27! Although my husband (who is nearly 33) had always pictured being married with kids by the age of 25 so I think we missed the boat a bit there! Haha. Going to shift my 'scary age' forward a few years now.

I just think it's such a shame you can't look into the future. If I knew I would definitely have a healthy full-term pregnancy one day (no matter how long it took) I could relax a bit. Think I must be a bit of a control freak!

This is going to sound like the most stupid question ever, but where is the TTC after MC forum? I had a look but couldn't find it and thought this was the most appropriate forum to post in. Oops!

x

Hi waitingforarainbow,

I know, I really feel your pain as know what you're going through. But hope that helps in some way that you're not alone.

Nope, they didn't give me any reason for the slow growth, like you, just one of those things. At first they even thought my dates were just really off (I knew they weren't though) which resulted in me having to go back to the hospital every week for a scan for 3 weeks....was a horrific time (but that's another story!). I do not want to go through that again so while I'm eager for my BFP, I'm also a bit apprehensive (I'm sure you're the same). However, I have read lots of things to say that one m/c does not increase chances of another, and many women go on to have successful pregnancies after.

I use the OPKs too - you are right about them being a godsend! One month I ovulated on day 23 and the next month 34, so would have no idea otherwise! It's a bit controversial, but I have also started taking Agnus Castus to try and shorten my cycles a bit as it's the wait I find most difficult. I don't know if it's going to be effective yet, but I will let you know if you want. I'm also taking liquid vitamins and iron and (obvs) folic acid.....quite a routine I've got in the mornings and evenings! ha! I'm hoping it will all help though.

I really hope you get your BFP soon. I know the waiting is so hard, but I'm sure it will happen for us soon. I used to find this annoying when people said this to me when I was going through the m/c, but at least we know we CAN get pregnant, which is something I guess.

xx

bornfree sounds like you've had a tough time. I hope your cycles start behaving soon so you know what to expect and fx for that bfp. Acupuncture can also help regulate your cycles, I used it for my post MC ovarian cyst and it seemed to speed up the process.
rainbow definitely time to move your scary age, 30 is the new 20! The current thread is called 'TTC after MC (#7) - fx for better times ahead' you'll find it on the conception board too.
Know what you mean about the control thing, I am so laid back about other things but I have such stressy moments about ttc, I think because it affects so many other parts of life. Last month I was a nightmare, this month I'm trying to be much more relaxed.

Thanks fruitlovingmonkey. I had heard acupuncture was good - may give that a go in the next few months if nothing has happened. Also very glad to hear 30 is the new 20! Haha! :) Hope you get your bfp soon x

You poor thing Bornfree - that sounds like an awful ordeal. At my reassurance scan the sonographer thought I'd got my dates wrong and was quite happy with everything (as there was a heartbeat), so heartbreakingly my husband was really happy and upbeat. He was convinced everything was great and I just couldn't get him to understand that the baby was measuring too small and it didn't look good. Waiting to find out for sure is just the worst thing ever.

I've actually got some Angus castus but I'm in two minds about taking it. I think if I don't get a BFP in a few months I might try it.

You're right about knowing you can get pregnant - it should be reassuring. I wish I could feel a bit reassured and not so anxious about the whole thing. FX we'll both be on here posting some good news soon.

Monkey - ooh, thanks for pointing out that thread - I'll definitely be lurking there from now on! Glad to hear you're being a bit more relaxed this month. FX for a BFP for you! I go from super angsty/negative one minute to relaxed and positive the next. My lucky, lucky husband!

X

waitingforarainbow your post made me laugh, 27 was always my scary age, then I switched it to 30. I think 34 is my new scary age now, but don't ask me why!

MummyBex1985 - sounds like it's not just me then! I've now got an age in my head for when I want to be pregnant with my SECOND baby, but I'll drive myself mad if I think that far ahead!

I mc with my first baby 10 years ago at just over ten weeks and was devastated. I had no one to talk to for support. I remember soon after it happened I saw babies everywhere and it really got me down. I found alot of support on babycentre.co.uk and they have a ttc group which was great.
I tried the ovulation strips too for a few cycles but it put alot of strain on both of us.Oh just felt like a sperm robot! Plus there is a large window of time you can get pregnant so don't just rely on the strips. So I stopped those. I remember drinking grapefruit juice in the mornings as I had heard it thins the mucus down there and makes it sperm friendly. Noted down my temperature each morning...Lots of other weird things too. I think I became obsessed with getting pregnant and with each passing month I felt it was never going to happen, the stress was not helping. And then when I had decided it was all too much and we would have a 6 month break to just ease the pressure and stress, it happened - I couldn't believe it.
I am sorry I haven't got much advice, just to check out babycentre. I had massages to ease stress which I found helped but really, it will happen. Try to de-stress if you can and try not to get as obsessed as me.once I stopped trying it happened.

Hi lotsoffunandgames. Sorry to hear what you went through and that you had nobody to talk to about it. Forums really are a godsend, as it's great to find other people who can relate. My friends were supportive at first but I think they feel I should be 'over it' by now.

I think it's SO easy to get obsessive about TTC. There are huge lists of foods, drinks, supplements etc that you 'should' be taking (according to various websites and forums) and things you should be cutting down on or cutting out altogether. I try to avoid all that because I don't want it to take over my whole life. I'm just trying to stay generally healthy and hoping for the best. You've got to think of all the people with super unhealthy lifestyles who get pregnant by mistake! Unfair but just goes to show that it's a very random thing and there's not much you can do to help.

I do think OPKs would add too much pressure for a lot of people, and I'm really conscious not to make my husband feel like a sperm donor! We had that issue to begin with but we've remedied it by making sure we're BDing every two or three days now, from when my period ends. OPKs just mean that I know when we should step up our efforts even more (I try to encourage this without telling my husband about the OPKs), and that I know when my period is due.

So glad it happened for you eventually, and that it was stress-free for you in the end. I'm going to try and do the same - stay positive and not stress too much! x

Oh and I bought a BBT thermometer last year but I've never used it. I knew it would turn into a real obsession. OPKs and taking folic acid are as obsessive as I plan to get!

Hi girls

I'm in the same position and really glad you all posted! I had a mc at 6 weeks ago at the end of Feb. This is our 6 try post mc and finding it v hard not to get obsessed and depressed about it all! I used to chart my temp but found my mood would be up or down depending on the temp so am sticking to opks and more sex this month!

Was also told endlessly that you're more fertile post mc and assumed it would happen easily as was only our 2nd try when I fell pregnant the first time. I also saw on forums so many girls getting pregnant first month post mc.

To make u feel better, I'm 33 - my scary age is now 35!

Really glad I'm not the only one but so sorry hearing your stories. You've all had such a tough time xx

Hi Emu123. So sorry to hear your story, but at least you've come to the right place, where we're all in the same boat!

I think you've got the right idea with the temping. I feel like if anything like that is impacting negatively on you day-to-day then it's probably not worth it. I got pregnant the first time round by simply using OPKs and BDing twice during my fertile period. So this time round I'm keeping it simple again, and just trying to make sure we BD even more regularly to increase our chances.

I think people tell you that you are more fertile straight after a miscarriage because it's a way to reassure you or keep you thinking positively after going through something so awful. But I (obsessively!) read quite a few studies after the miscarriage and they actually suggested that there isn't any proof of this. I think it's completely hit and miss, just like all TTC.

I have so many ups and downs (and it was definitely a down day yesterday when I posted this thread) but there is one thing that has helped me recently. I realised that even though I'm longing for a baby, the life I have at the moment is pretty great. I have an amazing husband, great friends and family and a nice, easy lifestyle with nobody to answer to. I know that not everybody is lucky enough to say that, and I really don't want to waste this period of my life completely ignoring how lucky and happy I am in other aspects of my life. I don't want to look back and think 'I was so obsessive about having a baby that I didn't enjoy how great my life was back then'. So even though I sometimes find it hard to be positive about the future, I CAN be positive about the present and try to enjoy that.

So that's what I'm going to try to do from now on... try my best to get pregnant, but also try to live in the moment and enjoy what I have right now. x

Hey rainbow you're completely right re temping. It was causing too much stress and a bit unnecessary now given that I know I consistently ovulate around the same time anyway.

So true about switching attitude - I was at a child's birthday the other Sunday and me and DH were quite tired so was so nice to go home after and put a DVD on! Would just be nice to know it will happen in X months and then we could relax a lot more!!! X

Hi all, I was thinking about this post today and wondered how you are all doing? I'm not 5 weeks pregnant, and things going well so far. Hope this gives you hope if you're not pregnant yet - it will happen! When I replied to this around 5/6 weeks ago, I thought it was never going to happen, but just goes to show. I hope you are all well xxx

*now 5 weeks