Feeling on the verge of madness.

[bshorty]

I haven't joined the conception boards before. I have been on the miscarriage ones occasionally. Didnt want to join as felt it might tip me over the edge in to obsessive madness. I Was desperately wanting to keep a grip on reality and the fact that having another baby is not the only important thing in my life. But i know that you kind people are the ones who might understand how im feeling. Quick background mmc feb 2012, DS born june 2013, mc oct 2014 and mc jan 2015. Trying to concieve since. Feel like i can only be happy when i get pregnant but then keep telling myself i have a beautiful clever 2 year old a lovely sexy hubby and so i should be happy with what ive got and if anyone else comes along its a bonus. But this aft im just thinking about buying baby clothes and pretending just to myself that im pregnant just cos i miss it so much. What a loon. Just wanting some support and to know someone else is going through this.

Hi shorty. Sounds like you've had a really tough run. Really sorry about the recurrent miscarriages. Whilst yes one feels one should be happy with what you've got especially if other men and women are struggling to manage having a child at all, it is worth remembering that every situation is different and everybody's life is different. You shouldn't feel guilty for wanting another child and I think it is possibly too early to try and make peace with it as it obviously really upsets you. It is tiring trying as we all know and the obsession becomes quite real. Tbh for those of us with insanely obsessive personalities MN is not the most relaxing environment regardless of the awesome support and tips, so you're probably wise to not get too engaged!
About the clothes buying stuff. Uhm not totally loony, but might I suggest the cheaper and somewhat less disruptive alternative of posting on the baby names boards? It's like investing in baby clothes only more transient and you can sarcastically muse on why on earth people would want to call their child Baylor or Vibrana!