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How do you decide to go for No2????
branstonpickle · 05/05/2004 12:58
New to MN - hello all, but have been lurking for AGES. Wish I'd discovered you 2 years ago as you may have saved my sanity (DD now 2)!
My q. is - how do you EVER decide to go for another. I love my daughter (obviously) but I found it a complete shock to my system and only started coming out of my blue funk when she was about 12 months. I think I have blocked out the first year as a very bad memory - but looking back thru my diary it wasn't ALL bad!! She only started sleeping properly at 18mths and I still freeze at the slightest sound from down the corridor in the night.
DH is 11 yrs older, never really wanted to be a dad, but ended up as SAHD while I worked 4 days (more earning potential) & found himself close to the edge at times (one previous breakdown) - he does a fab job BTW although I probably don't tell him this enough.
I have always said she would be an only child from the off - hormones however are saying otherwise. Do I just yearn to be pregnant again as my body can't accept that DD was my one & only time? Or is this v. common?? Part of me wants to to prove I can do it without falling apart as I know what to expect this time, instead of wishing time away as I did with DD, which was very sad in retrospect.
Very long & rambly - apologies. I am amazed at the number of mums with 4+ - where do you get your reserves???
Smurfs · 05/05/2004 13:07
BranstonPickle, in similar situation with the age gap DH also 11 years older than me and he doesn't want to be very old dad however just starting to see old thighs again and rediscovering waist - DS is now 11 months old I don't think there is a perfect time as enjying having body back and didn't enjoy being pregnant. DH is keen to get on with number 2. Sorry this doesn't give answer I don't know it myself ??!
collision · 05/05/2004 13:12
BP, I was the eldest of 5 and then a Nanny from the age of 17-32 and so I knew what I was letting myself in for! However I didnt as I couldnt believe how tiring it was to be a parent! I still cant. I love ds who's 2, to bits but it is exhausting and there is less time for me and DH and more washing etc etc
However, now that I have ds, I thought that it wasnt fair for him to be an only one (This is no criticism of those who only have one BTW) and that he would benefit from having a sibling. DH wasnt as sure but I pointed out to him that his childhood would have been very lonely if he hadnt had a brother.
So, we took the plunge and the baby is due in November. I am scared of coping with 2 but I will do it and in the long run, after the sleepless nights, I know we will have made the right decision.
webmum · 05/05/2004 13:19
mya dvice is only do it if it feels right for you, don't do it for your dd or your dh or anyone else, if you feel broody you propably want another one, but do not feel that you HAVE to.
Our second one was not exactly planned, but I had being campaigning with dh for ages, as I just knew I wanted at least another!
phatcat · 05/05/2004 13:29
I'm just leaving it to fate, if I get pg (kind of trying) we have another, if not then ds (now 12 months) will be an only child. At the moment I can see the advantages of either outcome.
bp - I can relate to your description of the first year as a bad memory - at 10 weeks I was looking up adoption websites and the cost of a one-way ticket to Oz! Fortunately I managed to ride it and came out the other side about 6 months and wouldn't change a thing now. I try and not think of it as time wasted, more just coming to terms with the big shock that is being a new mum.
What does your DH think about the prospect of another and would he be a SAHD next time?
Dreams · 05/05/2004 13:32
I am in the same situation feel extremly broody my dp says he would like another one then says no!
I am very scared as i did not enjoy being pregnant and sometimes find it very very tiring with just my ds (19 months). I suffer with my sleep anyone !
Have come off my pill though but still in two minds of what to do!
I am still young but would like to have 2 kids and think it would be nice to have not to much of a big gap between them then i thought maybe i could have my own life with dp as we get older and kids have grown up!
Oh i don't know what i want at the moment is it easier with 2 kids? i would have thought 2 would have entertained each other? the hardest part must be the first year? anyone know?
branstonpickle · 05/05/2004 13:35
iI don't think of it as time wasted - just a very long and steep learning curve.
I too can see the benefits both ways as can DH - we are both one of 3 siblings. He would go along with it if we won the lottery, etc. We have no family nearby therefore it is all down to us. I can't see how he could be a SAHD with two and I can't see a way around it either!!
Browbeaten · 05/05/2004 13:36
I knew I was ready for no 2 because I looked longingly at pregnant women and tiny babies even when dd was only weeks old. After no 2 I no longer do this and so conclude we won't have more (planned ones anyway). DH feels 2 is enough for him also as he is an older father too.
Dreams · 05/05/2004 13:38
we only have my family here and they all work so very rare that they have my ds my dp's parents live nearly 4 hrs away so hardly ever see them. I am one of 4 and my dp is 1 0f 3 so we both have brothers and sisters.
My dp has another ds from previous times so he already has 2 kids!
busybee123 · 05/05/2004 13:39
The way I always saw it is that things can change in the space of 9 months anyway so its impossible to predict how things will be by the time baby arrives. God, I've got 3 kids under 4 and a half and although its difficult at times, me and DH get through it. I had bad PND after the first and second, but 3rd time was different, especially as DH knew what to look out for, he could help me sooner. (we have had a real rough patch lately cos of it, but getting though it thank goodness!!) I'd say go for it...things can change so quickly, and this time you probably won't find it so much of a shock....all first time mums find it a shock to adapt at some point!!
Posey · 05/05/2004 22:18
I too found it a huge shock to the system when I had dd and thought for a long time we wouldn't have another. But when she was 3 we both decided out of the blue that we would like another child. Unfortunately it was a molar pregnancy and meant that I wasn't allowed to get pregnant again for some time. So suddenly the decision was taken from us.
Eventually, after a lot of discussion (mainly the chances of me having another mole) we decided to try again. Ds is now 16months old and 5.5 years younger than his sister.
2nd time round, despite the distant memory of babyhood, it has been a completely different experience. I have found the whole thing for more pleasurable and agree when people say doesn't time rush by. With dd, time dragged. Now it flies by.
What I'm trying to say is, it doesn't have to be the same 2nd time around. I don't plan to have anymore, but have to keep my head or could get carried away if I start getting broody. I like being pregnant and sometimes feel sad I won't be doing that again, but our family is now complete.
Not sure if that is any help to you at all.
bootsmonkey · 06/05/2004 08:28
Posey - I loved being pregnant and even the birth was a very positive experience. My worry is that I just want to be pregnant again, not that I want another baby IFSWIM??
Dreams - my thoughts exactly. Up until a month ago I was adamant that she was the one and only, now I veer from one point of view to another, completely irrationally and totally overwhelmingly.
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