On 3rd Miscarraige and having a bad day, looking for hope

[XXSOPHIEXX]

I suffered my 3rd miscarriage yesterday and I have now been to my GP and have been referred for testing, My first miscarriage was in 2010 with a different partner and was around 6 weeks and happened naturally (which I didn’t feel too upset about as I didn’t know and I wasn’t planning on a family with my partner at the time), I had been to a theme park when the bleeding started and I was on the pill so I don’t know if that contributed. My second pregnancy was January 2015 and I made it to around 10 weeks but only found out at my 3 month scan that I had lost it not long after we saw the heartbeat, I had tablets to help me with the process which I thought had worked so I went away on holiday to get away, when I came back and felt strong enough to be scanned again I was told that the baby was still in there and that what I had passed was a large piece of lining, so I then had surgery the following day.

I went on a lot of forums to see peoples discussions regarding falling pregnant again and there were a lot of success stories advising not to worry as a lot of people on there had fallen after a miscarriage and went on to have a normal pregnancy, so I felt ready to try again, maybe to replace the empty feeling to some degree but mainly because we desperately would love a baby. So we tried again and I fell pregnant straight away, I knew I was before the test even showed up positive. My main sign of pregnancy Is I get a lot of light headedness which I was experiencing for 2 weeks before my period was due.

I then got a positive last week the day after my period was due (the 10th) then on Sunday I started to bleed and I havnt stopped since, not a whole lot of pain but I know what has happened. I have now been referred.

I feel so angry that this is happening, my sister is 3 weeks ahead of where I would have been (with the 2nd miscarriage so I would have been 5ish months if I hadn’t lost it in april) and my partners ex (mother of his child) was 2 weeks behind me so we were all very close in timings and I struggle with my relationships with them (I am close to my partners ex, it’s strange but it works for us) I am struggling to see the stages they are at that I would have been, and I am finding that I distance myself, the guilt I feel that I cannot be close to my sister right now especially after she struggled to fall pregnant for 18 months (she had endometriosis) and I know her struggle and I want to share this time with her and she is so understanding that I know she will not discuss anything with me which makes it easier for me to be around her but also makes me feel very sad and guilty that she cannot share with me what she is going through and how she feels, I feel so selfish.

After the second one In April I felt angry and upset but this time I feel angry at my body, I hate it for doing this to me, I hate that my partner gets so excited each time and I let him down. I hate that I am now in a different bracket because it is now 3 and it means that I need testing. I hate what it is doing to my relationships with people and I hate what it is doing to my work life.

My worst fear is that the testing will come back and there will be problems with my eggs, I am also fearing how long this will take and how long I can stay feeling this way whilst waiting for the consultation and treatment, I am going through the NHS but will go private if it takes too long (we cannot afford it but we would work out a payment plan).

I was doing so well before, I havnt smoked since I found out in January, Iv been eating and drinking well, I was taking my pregnancy multi vitamin, after I lost the 2nd I then started taking a pre conception vitamin and carried on looking after myself, and I still lost it, so there is nothing I can do to make it stay! I have started smoking again today and I hate that I am but I just want anything that will help.

I am 26 and my partner is 29, he has a 7 year old and our situation is lovely, we all get on, we have a nice home and good jobs, were healthy and happy, but I feel if I cant have a baby then I cant be with him knowing that someone else has given him a child and I cant, and that someone calls him dad but I will never hear our child calling him dad, that is my worst fear. He would be so upset if he knew I felt that way.

I cannot say these things to people around me, they all tell me not to panic and that they are 100 % positive that this will happen for me (but how can they know that?) I just need someone to talk to who understands how this all feels.

I need some hope, can anyone who has been through this and has come out the otherside have any advise for me?

Thank you xx

Iv had an email to say someone has posted on this thread but i cannot see it as im new could someone advise how i view it please?xxx

Hi Sophie Xx if you go to your thread and refresh the page it should show a reply?

I actually did write a long reply as i couldnt read your post and not reply. Im on my phone and the battery died before i could send it and i lost my reply so i dont think the notification email was for my reply xx

I just wanted to say i havnt had 3 miscarriges and gone on to have a baby, but i did have an early miscarrige ( first pregnancy) last year at 5 weeks. Of course this dosnt compare to what you have been through.

I am so sorry for all 3 of your losses and that you are in this sad place.

I can relate to the feelings with your partner in regards to feeling like you have let him down ( you honestly havnt but i know what you mean ) the feelings of no matter what you try and do right it still goes wrong and of the relationships with other people being affected that are also pregnant.

I think the worst part of miscarriage for me , apart from the utter sadness and dissapointment of losing your baby, is the lonelyness.

I felt i couldnt talk to anyone who truly understood how i felt. Everyone wants to be so positive now im on to month 10 of trying to conceive. There all so sure next time will be fine. As you say how can they really know? I worry there is something underlying as to why i miscarried and now am having difficulty falling ( fell pregnant after 3 months of trying last time).

I have endo also and waited 10 months after my intial laprascopy which diagnosed the Endo, to have further sugery as that was what i was advised so i could start trying safely . Then i lost my baby anyway. I feel worried the surgerys on my adominal area play a part in everything.

For me the miscarriage was very heartbreaking and hard.

I hope someone comes along soon with a positive story. I just wanted you to know your not alone Xxxx

sophie I'm so sorry for your losses. You are not alone. I too have had three losses and no baby.

There is an excellent thread on the miscarriage board about recurrent miscarriage and trying again. The ladies there are very knowledgable, very supportive and they understand how we feel.

Just to add there have been many success stories in there to give you hope. Last time I checked one of them was actually in labour!

Take care of yourself x

Hi Sophie. It's so unfair. I have to be quick but hope it helps; my m/cs were March 12, Dec 12 and May 14. Little one due 4 Aug. It's hard but not the end for you.

Thank you for all your messages. I will check out the other threads for sure so thank you for telling me. Congratulations on your baby due in august thats fantastic and does give me hope. I have decided to go private and get answers quicker i feel like i just need to know if there is a problem or anything i can do to prevent this happening again before we try a 4th time.xxx

Hi Again Sophie
I was on my way out earlier. I also meant to say to look on the miscarriage talk forum, i was on there during and after my mc and on dates like first scan and anniversary of. everyone has been so supportive and lovely i really would recommend it.

I have also called the miscarriage association helpline on a few occasions and found it really helped me to hear someones voice on the other end of the phone that has been throught what you have. The lady i spoke to sufferd 4 miscarriages and now has a grown up dear daughter.

You dont have to give your name or personal details they are just there to listen, offer support and advice.

I wish you all the luck in getting your tests done and moving forward towards your future Baby .

Xxxx

Hi,

Thank you again for getting back to me, it really is nice to talk to someone who understands! I looked on other threads last night and I found it really positive and I have woken up today with a lot more hope so thank you! I especially liked the thread where people posted photos of their babies having had re current miscarriage! I have also spoke to the miscarriage association but I did make the mistake of requesting to join the facebook page but there was so much pain on there, from what I gathered I don’t think the people on there are ready to hear success stories as it pains them too much so there is not a lot of it on there, I am in a different place to that, I realllllly want to hear that people come out the other side of this! I hope you don’t mind but I would like to ask your advice, I spoke with a private hospital yesterday and they told me that they can see me within a week or so to start my testing but as you can imagine this is very pricey, but I feel if I wait to go down the NHS route it could take some time and I don’t know If I can wait months for any answers, I want to start this process so I can try again either having had treatment or to hear that there is no problem just ‘bad luck’. But I can sense my family are not keen on the idea and it is hard to see clearly when its you, what would you do? I am waiting on them to phone me back today to tell me if I need to wait a certain amount of time to have any tests because I have just miscarried, I have read on various sites you can have to wait up to 3 months, but as this last one was so early (3 weeks) I am hoping it is not such a long wait. xxx

If you can afford it, I'd go private. What you're going through CAN (not necessarily WILL) be so draining that it becomes all consuming and unhealthy. The quicker you get answers, the better. Good luck!

Hi thank you for the advise i have an appointment tomorrow so will go from there. Did you ever have any tests or treatment?x

Yes and yes - had very basic tests but cause I had had a child (in 2011) before problems arose, some potential issues were discounted. This pregnancy is an IVF one; a month after m/c 3, hubby was diagnosed with cancer and needed chemo. Had to freeze his sperm and go for IVF as 'traditional' route unlikely to work/was not safe.