ttc first baby - 18 months, 1 mc and struggling

[Mrsm14]

I'm not really sure where to post this but I am just feeling really teary and low and hoping I'm not the only one in this situation. Started ttc 18 months ago and got pregnant after about 6 months - this time last year exactly. We were over the moon but I went on to have a really traumatic mc and surgical treatment while abroad and then became very low and anxious afterwards. Dragged myself out of that with a bit of help and we've now been ttc again for about 5 months. I've just found that now I am in the 'this time last year I was pregnant' phase and am approaching the anniversary of the awful experience of losing it, I just feel so sad again. I was 3 days late this month and totally convinced myself this was my time, but then started bleeding. Been crying again loads since and I just wasn't expecting this at all - I'm finding it hard to feel positive about ever having a baby now. A colleague at work announced her (third) baby is due recently and is walking around with a massive bump and so work is feeling really tough too. All my friends seem to be getting pregnant and I feel like it is never going to happen for me. I had some counselling after losing the baby but I still feel so sad - about losing my baby and about being 18 months into this. Sorry for the outpouring but if anyone has ever felt similar or can hand hold I would really appreciate it x

I'm sorry for your loss OP and that you're feeling so low at the moment. My story was similar to yours (apart from the fact I already have one DC): started ttc in July '13, got pregnant after six months then had a mmc and ERPC in Feb '14. I didn't feel too bad emotionally straight after, as I naively assumed that having got pregnant twice before quite easily it wouldn't take long to conceive again. But as the months went past I started to get very low, and when it was clear I wasn't going to be pregnant again on my due date, or indeed a year after we last conceived, I was close to giving up.

However, I eventually fell pregnant on cycle 11 and over a year after the mmc (I have long cycles), so don't give up hope! I'm nearly 11 weeks now and have had two early scans with everything looking fine. I still don't quite believe that it's going to be alright, but there is always hope. (And dont feel bad about still being sad, mc is very hard and I think it's totally normal to be up and down for a long time).

Good luck, and I hope you get a sticky BFP soon.

Thank you for posting. I have just had one of those weeks where I feel like I am on the edge of tears at work constantly and I feel like I'm letting people down and I should be coping better. But yeah miscarriage and ttc is so tough and it's not even something you can really be open about. I hope everything continues to go well for you x

mrsm sending you hugs, totally understand how you are feeling. I had a mc back in 2009 after getting pregnant without trying at all. Found out at our 3 month scan that the baby had stopped growing early on and I have never felt so crushed, friends didn't really understand and dh and I (DP at the time) decided to try again, a year passed and nothing so we were referred to a fertility specialist who prescribed clomid, after long discussions we decided to wait and that maybe we were trying for a baby just because of how awful we felt about our MC. We've now been trying again for just over two years and in the meantime have seen numerous friends have babies, many of which are now having their second and it makes me feel so down. I have to pretend we aren't trying for a baby because if my friends knew I wouldn't hear the end of it, and none of them are good at keeping things to themselves. We have now started the fertility tests again and dh is fine, so I can only assume the problem lies with me, but who knows. I have recently seen a hypnotherapist and I actually have found it helped a lot and I do feel calmer. Time is a healer, and 18 months isn't long, don't be hard on yourself. I am trying my best to focus on he positives in my life and believe that we will have our family one day. You will too x