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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Does anyone regret waiting?

28 replies

howeasyisthat · 09/05/2015 12:01

My husband and I are 29 - we have recently both become very broody, though there is something holding us back. We both have full-on careers which we enjoy and we are in a good financial position. However it seems babies is something we could keep putting off for whatever reason - to develop careers further/travel more/save more etc.

I actually don't feel like I want to wait, and I think that it's almost societal pressure that women are having babies older these days that makes me think I should too.

Does anyone actually regret waiting until around mid-30's to have a baby, thinking your circumstances would really change and there would be a better time?

Thanks!

OP posts:

Hayleyt931 · 09/05/2015 14:50

Me me me me

Blue2014 · 09/05/2015 15:07

I regret it, started trying in my early 30s and im still not pregnant 3 years later. I'm sure that won't be the case for you, turns out we have fertility issues but I do wish I had known sooner

alittleegglayonaleaf · 09/05/2015 15:09

29 isn't that early either and it might take you a year or two

Indiedog · 09/05/2015 15:17

I had my first at 25, planned and very happy. I am now 32, and we have been trying for a second for two years, and in that time I have had 4 miscarriages. I wish we had started trying sooner for a second, as I never imagined coming up against theses issues.

You are not old, nor am I, but you never can tell what will happen. We kept putting off the second, we wanted to do more to the house, I wanted to study and get a new job.
You have to do what's right for you both, and if you feel its right might be the time to start talking about things.

FlatWhiteToGo · 09/05/2015 16:27

Definitely. DH and I are both 30, so not 'old', but it is taking much longer to get pregnant than we had imagined. Like you, we're both in full-on careers and decided to wait as I didn't want to be going on maternity leave when I was so junior career-wise. We naively thought we'd get pregnant fairly quickly as we're not that old, don't smoke, aren't overweight, are super sporty, eat healthily etc etc, blah blah. This hasn't been the case. Only you can decide what's right for you both, but I would say that the upset of having fertility issues and not knowing if/when you'll conceive (not to mention the worry of MCs) is worse than regretting stepping out of your career for a short while/worrying you don't have enough money/feeling like you've missed out on travelling . If you're serious about travelling, why don't you just go crazy and book it now and go ...it'll be one less thing to factor in to your decision! ha ha!

marshmallowpies · 09/05/2015 17:28

I had no 1 at 36 and no 2 at 38, with a MC in between. Very glad I didn't wait longer and would have started perhaps a year or two earlier if I'd met DH sooner. We had to do our young & carefree stuff together very quickly in 18 months, knowing time wasn't on our side to start a family.

Of course we'd both done travelling and other life experiences independently before we met each other, but would be nice to have done a bit more together before family life kicked in.

Mind you, there's always the chance to travel with your kids before school age, or even take them out of school for a term or two - I know someone doing that right now, round the Far East. Fine if you have the money and confidence to do it with kids, though...I'm not sure I would!

sizethree · 09/05/2015 17:47

I do massively.
Although I've been in a serious relationship for many years that I knew would end in marriage, we held off as we wanted to have the perfect jobs / home / wedding / honeymoon first and naively assumed we would be able to have babies as soon as we decided to try. Fast forward to our 2 year wedding anniversary and three miscarriages later, I look back to the time in my late 20s when I knew our relationship would last and we first discussed a family and wish we'd just gone ahead then. We may have still have had these struggles in started a family but we'd be a good few years ahead in the process and of be younger with more time on my side.
But hindsight is a wonderful thing! I have been massively unlucky and I have many friends who everything falls into place for. It's just tricky that you never know what issues you will face until you try.

honeysucklejasmine · 09/05/2015 17:48

I'm 28 and still wishing I'd started sooner!

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 09/05/2015 17:55

We were in a very similar position at 28 OP and in the end decided to just go for it. Had my first at 29 (and due my second now at 30 ) and don't regret it all. My career has had to slow down a little but hopefully I'm young enough to pick it back up again when the baby years are over.

Banana79 · 09/05/2015 19:57

I had my first at 34 which felt like the right time for us. We were very lucky and fell pregnant after 3 months and now have a beautiful 10 month old boy. I'll be 36 in August and an chomping at the bit to try for #2 but am worried about affording it/surviving the sleep deprivation etc. Some days I think sod it just do it, time is running out and other days I worry if I'm rushing it. Could do with a crystal ball!

Catsahoy · 09/05/2015 20:01

Yes but I don't regret all we did in the time we had before DS. All the travel etc was just fantastic. But we had 3 losses before DS and now I'm pushed for time if we want a second.

Springtimemama · 09/05/2015 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 09/05/2015 20:08

I think it depends how many you want ideally and age gaps too. I had my first at 33 due to money and similar to you wanting to travel etc. I had some complications which increase with age so decided to go for DC2 sooner than perhaps I'd have chosen otherwise - we'll have a 13 month age gap!
For some reason I'd never thought about beyond the first one (seems obvious now) so if you're thinking of being 35 with your first, think about 38 with your second and 41 with your third. Obviously this depends on if you can conceive, how many you want etc - so many variables!
I think if I'd been a bit younger it would have been easier physically, but that being said my friend has just had her first at 43 and has loads more energy than me, everyone is different.
And lastly, I don't think anyone is ever completely ready! Good luck

Ouchie · 09/05/2015 21:14

I regret it.

I was too overwhelmed and scared of what having a family would entail (career, body, etc). Finally, eventually, plucked up the courage aged 38 (I know...) and fuck all is happening.

But you are many years from late thirties. Abbey's point about timing of subsequent children is extremely valid though. I'm going to be lucky to get one, time has run out.

Vijac · 09/05/2015 21:36

I sometimes wonder if it might be worth some people buying a thermometer to track ovulation for a couple of months-are you ovulating and is the cycle regular. And even maybe paying for a sperm quality test. At least then you'd have an educated guess as to whether your like to struggle to conceive or not. If both checks are fine then you may feel more comfortable waiting a couple of years. Of course, doesn't rule out other problems.

imip · 09/05/2015 21:37

It's a tricky one, because you just don't know when you'll conceive. I started ttc at 31. Infertility got in the way and I didn't get a BFP till I was 34. Very very tragically, my first dd was still born. In a sense it made the infertility insignificant, the grief was much more painful. Miraculously, I fell pregnant straight after losing our lovely girl, despite warnings that I may have to wait years to fall pregnant again, and that I may never carry a full-term baby. They were terrible times.

I managed to fall pregnant again quickly, with an average 20 month age gap. I did have to stop bf dc 1 and 2 at 10 and 11 months to get my period back. That was sad, but I didn't regret it. I bf dc3 til 16 months and dc4 til 3 years. I had my surviving dc at 35, 37, 38 and 40.

I don't regret the ages that they were born. I only regret losing my eldest daughter. I don't worry about being an older Mum, because I'm not unusual. I know I was lucky to fall pregnant in my late 30s easily, despite infertility in my early 30s. But I don't wish I'd tried earlier, I tried the time that I was ready. So my story is different to those above, but I guess it's always rolling a dice as you never know how lucky you'll bein the fertility stakes.

Lamaitresse · 09/05/2015 21:58

I wish in a way that we'd started earlier, but then we wouldn't have the dc that we have now and I wouldn't change them for the world.
I was 31 when ds was born and even then wished we'd started a bit earlier. We started ttc number two just after ds's first birthday, and she was born six years later... We had a nightmare of a time - mc after mc, we lost a little boy in the second trimester, and then I couldn't get pg again so it took 5 rounds of IVF to have our precious dd. I am so thankful that she's here, but my goodness me I wish I had more time ahead of me with her. I'm 39 now, and she's 15 months old. Maybe it's thinking about turning 40 later this year, I don't know, but I am very conscious that I'll probably be pretty old by the time she's hopefully having children of her own and it makes me sad to think I might not be around to share as much of my dc as possible. My mum died at 60 so I suppose that has a lot to do with me thinking that way...
If I were you I wouldn't hang around. If you're ready to ttc then go for it as you never know what the future might hold. If you get pg straight away then you'll get longer to enjoy your dc

mrschatty · 09/05/2015 23:02

Hiya
IMHO if you have decided that you want children - start trying. I started ttc when I got married at 23- 19m later just had my first BFP. Never EVER thought it would take 19m I was 23 for goodness sake!!!!

LaraNotCroft22 · 10/05/2015 02:31

I got pregnant at 29 with my first with my husband unplanned. Best thing that we ever did. Go for it if you feel ready

nooka · 10/05/2015 02:46

We didn't wait until our 30s, but dh got broody at a very similar age (we were 27) and we thought why not, and a few weeks later I was pregnant!

We went from not yet to pregnancy very quick - the conversation about maybe having a baby started why I decided to enter a trial of a new contraceptive and the patient info talked about accepting the risks of pregnancy. Instead of going on the trial we had a baby

Late twenties turned out to be a good time for us although we weren't particularly financially settled. For me it was better to be at a good place in my career when my children were a bit older so I could more easily work flexibly (I went back to work full time when they were babies).

Original poster

howeasyisthat · 10/05/2015 08:53

I really appreciate all your perspectives - I think it can be such a gamble and hindsight, as many of you say, is a great thing! I think the point about how many children we may want and the age gaps is a very valid one - I definitely envisage 2 or 3, with around 2.5-3 years between at least the first two, so I guess that puts me at about 33 for a second if I were to get pregnant immediately.
Nooka I like the sound of the idea of being able to work flexibly when the children are older - how did it work in practice/feel to go back full time when yours were babies?

OP posts:

LittleTulip · 10/05/2015 09:48

If you want kids then I say go for it.

We started TTC at 28, took almost 18 months to get my precious bfp only to have a stillbirth at 25 weeks. TTC continued, and after multiple tests found out I have a blocked tube. I am fortunately pregnant again at the age of 32, I am hoping I will have a baby that I can take home this time but it has been a very long 4.5 years.

Of course you will probably get pregnant straight away but sometimes it doesn't always go to plan.

nooka · 10/05/2015 17:35

I'm afraid I don't really like babies, so absolutely fine! We were very lucky to be able to hire a live out nanny when they were tiny so neither dh or I had any concerns about leaving them and it was a low stress option too. Much more complicated when they started at school. At that point too they wanted us more as well in a way that wasn't really an issue when they were babies.

FennyBridges · 10/05/2015 17:40

No I'm glad I waited. We did loads of exciting things before my son came along. Basically we decided to have a baby, had sex and then three weeks later I thought I was pregnant, and I was. I suddenly realised there was a purpose to contraception! Although some people have said conception has taken a while for them, it might not you. I would think why not try now, however, seeing as you say you don't want to wait any longer. But if it's a quick conception then you miss out on more lovely one to one with your husband.

Springtimemama · 10/05/2015 17:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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