Hi all.
I had a contraceptive implant removed in December at the suggestion of my GP to see whether birth control was causing me to gain weight. Sadly it hasn't made too much of a difference, but what it has done is made me and DH realise how much we would like to start TTC. 
The difficult thing is, I have a back condition which means I can't get around much, so I am overweight. I've battled with it for a long time, and bizarrely I find that having a specific 'need' or goal to lose weight for, like my wedding day, or a holiday, has a negative effect rather than a motivating one because I feel under intense pressure to slim down for it. (I have sought advice about this in the form of some food relationship counselling, but I'm on a waiting list so probably won't be seen for a while.)
I feel ready to TTC now and can't imagine waiting the year it would take me to lose the weight, but on the other hand I am scared to fall pregnant whilst very overweight due to the obvious health concerns for bigger women having babies, and how uncomfortable I imagine I would feel.
My period is very very late at the moment (tests are showing as negative though) and everytime I go to the bathroom I feel such a weird mixture of emotions when I find that AF still hasn't arrived... Sigh. I don't know why I'm posting really, I'm fully aware that all anyone can say is that I need to the lose the weight first - But I'm scared that I never will, and that I will therefore never be ready to start a family. I'm so angry with myself, and on DH's behalf, that I can't just start TTC right now when everything feels right and we are ready. Instead the issue is fraught with worry and stress which probably isn't conducive to baby-making anyway. 
Has anyone out there been in a similar situation?