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I'm scared for lots of different reasons (long sorry)

11 replies

Welshmum · 30/04/2004 13:13

I think it'll help even just to write this all down.
I have one daughter now 2 through IUI. It took the doctors ages to figure out what could be wrong with us, the pregnancy was difficult and by the time DD was born (by c section) I felt like I'd been poked and prodded way too much but life with her is a delight.
Then we turned our thoughts to trying for another one. We got pg again through IUI but I lost the baby at 3 months, the miscarriage wasn't straight forward and it was all pretty crap.
The consultant says I have about another 8 months to decide whether to try again - because of my age.
I just don't know what to do. Some days I want another baby, some days I can't face all the heartache again, some days I want a baby for my daughter's sake, or my husband's sake and not for mine, some days I reckon we're a happy family now and I should be satisfied.....and on it goes. It's just taking over my life and I feel perpetually restless. Can anyone offer any advice? been through any of the same stuff?

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gothicmama · 30/04/2004 13:29

Going through similar - have tried listing pro's and cons and talked and talked - Ido not wantanymore interventions like you fed up with being prodded - however I think because of the time element it will be important for you and dh to agree and stick to what you decide, but both of you should be happy with decision and it should be something you are happy with as it is how you feel which may affect teh otcome of it all (rambling now ) good luck with deciding


Welshmum · 30/04/2004 13:38

What have you decided to do gothicmama?

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malinki · 30/04/2004 13:54

Sorry to but in, my neighbour is going through the same thing, she is now 5 months pregnant and still tearing her hair out, she has a ds through IUI, lost a daughter at 4 months and tried 1 year later and is now pregnant expecting a daughter, all IUI babies, so in one way she is over the moon, but in another way very causious of what is going to / or maybe happen. She is 35 years old, and she told me about 14 months ago, she wasn't going to do it again. Good luck!!!!


bunny2 · 30/04/2004 19:46

Welshmum, after having ds I really wanted more children. I got pg again but miscarried @ 12 wks then spent 2 years trying to conceive again only to lose the baby again at 12 wks. The decision to try a third time was not easy. I desperately wanted another baby for me, for dh and for my son but I also knew the heartbreak of another miscarriage would almost destroy me. I decided that having another baby was one of the few things in life worth fighting for and I got pregnant 5 months after my last m/c. I am now 10 wks and it hasnt been an easy time. some days I feel like I am just waiting to miscarry again, I am scared to start making plans for my new baby and all the excitement is marred by fear. If I do get through the next 6 months of pregnancy I shall be ecstatic, if not I dont know what I would do. Only you can make the right decision for yourself, it is a hard one and I wish you luck in making the right choice.


gothicmama · 30/04/2004 20:04

Welshmum I am undecided if I knew that it would be ok then I would- however it is the if something happens and the emotional fall out that puts me off , It's the deciding if I can potentially go through all the bad stuff again taht I find hard but I have a few more years yet. Although I think once we make a definite decision then taht will be that


bunny2 · 30/04/2004 21:05

hi gothicmama, I wish you well in making such a huge decision. It is yours and your only, good luck.


Welshmum · 03/05/2004 08:13

Bunny2 I wish you all the very very best with your pregnancy, it's bloody scary - you must be a pretty strong character.
gothicmama, I envy you the time. I think that's what messing with my head. I just don't feel that there is any grace or gentleness about getting pregnant for me. It's so medical 'right let's get up the duff again, down the the hospital etc' (even if it works) i'd like it to just 'happen'.

Thanks for sharing your situations, it does help.

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bunny2 · 03/05/2004 21:03

Thanks Welshmum. I can understand what you mean by wanting it to just happen, once I was on fertility drugs and doing my temp charts it became so technical. I even woke dh at 4 am one morning to get another one in before I passed my fertile period! It put a big strain on both of us which will hopefully pay off. Good luck with your decision.


LadyMuck · 03/05/2004 21:14

It's a difficult decision. We knew we always wanted more than one child, but also we didn't want a huge age gap. Ds1 was the result of our third IVF after 4+ years of trying. We knew we would try again and did so as soon as was practical (given work and a house move). As it happens I became pg at the next attempt - it was quite odd as I hadn't felt at all broody in any way - this was just a decision that was being "executed" as it were. I am so glad we went through with it, but then that is from the perspective of having been successful.

After ds2 we considered what we would do again. We have felt that it is not right for us to go through treatment again. Our boys need us, and need us to be focused on them, not on treatments, they need our money as well. They have each other, and the relationship between them is so joyous to watch. That said there is still a part of me that would like to conceive naturally, just for the sheer experience of it. But when I think about I'm not sure that I actually want anoother baby, if that makes sense.

It's really difficult to advise on such a personal issue. If you had ever thought about having another child (which I guess you did), and if you are facing a "deadline", then I would go for it. It's difficult because you are possible still grieving for the baby you have lost, and ideally you should take time to recover. But if time is not available I would try again, and hopefully you will be successful and find some healing in that.

Good luck!


gothicmama · 04/05/2004 17:40

Thanks bunny 2
Welshmum have you decided yet we will all help and support whatever you decide if that helps


Welshmum · 09/05/2004 18:07

Thank you, it really is a help to chat here. I could go for it this next weekend....I could but pretty far from sure about it...maybe I never will be sure

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