It is the goat jazz we seek, but the twee monitors have too much opinion on getting between the sheets, sexpests writing notes we may be, but at least the bins go out! We're all praying our uterus won

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

The link to Part 44 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2359579-Viroids-get-your-Miroid-to-stick-his-manjo-in-your-fanjo-and-the-jizz-bombs-will-go-off-Theyre-famous-for-their-super-support-and-butter-fannys-there-will-be-BFPS-its-JSing-44?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2356300-The-nice-weather-is-making-us-crave-burning-meat-on-an-outdoor-fire-maternity-leave-is-causing-headache-and-we-are-all-soldiering-on-as-the-heat-is-getting-to-us-here-is-JS-26?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="//www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

lil that clear out sounds excellent! Congratulations! Does wonders for the mind too.

Sky and Pickle it aint over til it's over. Have some and a to keep you going.

sorry to hear the witch arrived Sky :(

lil good news on the clear out. what did you have exactly? i've never bought anythign baby related for myself!

Oh my god. I can't believe I'm at work in a free period actually googling symptoms at 1DPO! Please ladies, I need the biggest hooya going. Ugh. What an idiot.

HOOYA Bod

(BUT SO AM I! - although my new fertility app - Ovia - is telling me TODAY is my ovulation day. I'm so confused and pretty sure I ovulated on Thursday, but I'm going to sneak a last shag in tonight whilst imagining I have implantation cramps and the rest)

boddess have a hooya you loon!!

lil hope you're ok, you're being so brave

I am off today luckily and I have a hot water bottle strapped to me. I can only assume today is ovulation but I don't know. I got the pains in my side at the weekend and thought it was happening but today and yesterday still cramping. Nothing is right since the mc. Ironically sex is the last thing I want! (As you know been active up until today). It's been so painful. I've been very upset today as a result as it just reminds me of the mc. The human body is bizarre, I might be ovulating and DH not coming near me...just cannot do it I can start late tomorrow so may get a bonus one in then (last day according to OVIA which am not relying on). Of course I could be wrong and not ovulating, who knows. I am losing hope I will ever be normal again.

I rang to book my smear which seems impossible too. It took hours to work up the nerve to ring up (phobic before and the mc has made that worse). Then there are hardly any days to do it! Period who knows when, have to be 7 days following the end of it, can't have sex on the day so don't want it during OV. GAH!

Hooya bodd

stoat I hope your body gets back to normal again soon. I can't even imagine what you are going through.

stoat why can't u have sex on the day?! I'd say as long as you do it after not before it would be fine and good access for the swimmers unless they've given you a medical reason, I'd book it. I imagine its just to make it easier/more pleasant for the nurses!

as for being strong hmmm. to be honest the most prevalent emotion was anger. I don't know why. I did say to my mum we can probably car boot all of it in 12months. she told me not to think like that. easy for her to say. I'm just glad its out of my house and I don't have to worry about it any more. its there if and when I need it.

Hello all.

sky that sucks, sorry love.

Have read back and can't remember who else said what so hooyas, and to distribute as necessary.

I'm at 9dpo and struggling to control the crazy. Feeling really teary and snappy. I'm not very fun to live with at the moment. I keep swinging between feeling really hopeful this cycle to deep doom that it never will! I'll just grab one of those hooyahs!

Came home from work early as feeling dizzy and exhausted. Need a nap.

Lil glad you are feeling cleansed. You will need it all soon I'm sure

Hi viroids! I'm baaack!
WOW, I’ve had a lot to catch up on! waves at newbies!
Been abroad (no internet) for the bank hol weekend and just spent the entire afternoon at work catching up on literally 20 pages!! …brace yourself for a long post!...

Well it seems like AF entered the building via a revolving door… spotting, …no spotting, …more spotting, …absolutely nothing,..then AF decided to stay. Nice and light though, and no leakage so that’s a bonus! And a good excuse for a glass of and lots of !
Not surprised it was AF rather than BFP, as only dtd 2x in fertile window, and even then with crotchless condoms. Gunno persuade DH to try it properly this cycle.

Jelly think I missed all the wedding theme talk – here’s my tuppence: a pastel peach / coral orange would look lovely together with a mint/sea/forest green. And tree names for table names! Maybe even a shrub in the church/hall with fairy lights all over it! And tree stationery/invites all the way! Sounds lovely – am picturing it now! Have fun planning it all :)

Aux (or whatever your name is now!) I’m trying the vitamin B complex in the hope of lengthening my LP. Am averaging 9 or 10 days at the mo, so just hoping to lengthen it a tad. #EveryLittleHelps

Feathered I too use Ovia, and am not convinced it knows when I ice! Last couple of times it's gotten it wrong, so this time I pretended I’d had a positive opk and entered that on the day that I’m pretty sure I iced, and it overided overrod?? overrode?? its old predictions, so hopefully that’ll be more accurate.

Pretzel megalolz at “fertile myrtle” !

Lil let’s hope that offloading all the baby stuff to your parents will invoke law of sod!
Also, Lil for Prime Minister!! Prime Ministress?? waves pompoms

mae I think it's still Prime minister even if it's a lady :) I'm excited about the wedding now though although there's so much to do!! Sorry the witch got you but you need to ditch the condoms. Just get loads of lube.

la when in the cycle can I start taking b6 complex and when should I stop?

Sky sorry about the witch, she's a tease sometimes. .

Stoat sorry it's taking while to get back to normal. It's not fair .

I need a and a nap.

To those struggling with timing, I've got to say I'm a convert to temping. The apps suck. When I got pg in feb (non-sticky) DH and I were on different sides of the world during fertile window according to Ovia. I realised I must ice late and had been stopping too bloody early for months.

Temping this month confirmed it - ice cd 17, normal cycle length 27 days. So I think the apps can hinder rather than help. Esp if like us you work long hours, travel lots, and struggle to dtd during the wee, and therefore have to manage your timing carefully...

Oh Sky, that's rubbish, I really thought you were in with a good chance this month. . for you.

Well done Lil on getting the clear out done. for you.

Just had a lovely nap, woken up with terrible skittletits, hot tingly bastards they are. Normally get sore before af but not like this, they are so warm it's totally bizarre!

Think I need a hooyah, or at least a kick up the bum to stop holding my boobs and get dinner ready!

Found some bolognese on the freezer so going to make lasagne, dp can't joke about the shape of that! What's everyone else having? I'm going to eat LOADS of Ben and jerrys once dp goes to work!

Sorry af got you mae def get loads of lube/get him closer to coming before you start this time.

Wow just that sounds like a great sign. Before my mc my first sign was fire-nips! Haha. My mum and sister had the same with theirs. I am only 1dpo and I swear I've got fire-nips already! Hahaha. Hooyas for both of us!! Xxx

just and bodd hooyah, skittletits aren't a sign of being pg, they are a sign of increased progesterone which happens after icing. They can be an indication of pregnancy but for instance I get skittletits every month post icing. Never been pg. Stop symptom spotting and go shag.

just I've got chilli for dinner though I'm off to join slimming world (finally) so might make it a healthy one. Time to get in shape for my wedding lol.

I sneezed earlier and my boobs hurt, which then made me laugh and everyone stared at me like I'm mad.

Thanks jelly. Needed that. God knows how I'm gonna get through two weeks. I wish u could just do a quick brain transplant or something to avoid all obsession.

Urgh, the witch looks like she's arriving today (two days early and 8/9dpo). Anyone any experience of short cycles? Think I'm under the 10 okay thing. Just booked GP for Monday, I'm six cycles but only fifth month trying.

Black quite a few of us suffer short LP's on here. Mine is 9/10 days. 10 + is seen as normal and the necessary time for implantation to happen because it normally happens around day 7-10. However people have conceived on LP's as short as 7 days because implantation can happen as early as 5DPO.

Deffo go and talk to your doctor but if I were you I would lie and say you have been TTC for a year at least. Most GP's will just tell you that it takes a healthy couple up to a year to conceive. I'm seeing my GP this Thursday to discuss TTC issues and I'll be telling them I've been trying a lot longer than I have.

There are things you can do to help lengthen your LP, one of which is taking vitamin b6, which I've not tried but a few people have including our b6 guru la :)

bodd there's no way to not obsess in the TWOT but the more you do
Obsess the harder it will be. I find the few days before AF torture, I'm on constant pants watch and analysing every twinge. However what will be will be and stressing over it is only going to do more harm unfortunately.

Ha ha I know jelly! That sounds hilarious, I would have laughed too!

So wise jelly!

black sorry lovely

Thanks Jelly and Just. I'm 36 and messed up booking appointment and said six cycles not months. Already taking B6 but only in a multi vitamin, what sort of dose should you take? Hit me last couple of days how hard this might be...