It is the goat jazz we seek, but the twee monitors have too much opinion on getting between the sheets, sexpests writing notes we may be, but at least the bins go out! We're all praying our uterus won

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

The link to Part 44 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2359579-Viroids-get-your-Miroid-to-stick-his-manjo-in-your-fanjo-and-the-jizz-bombs-will-go-off-Theyre-famous-for-their-super-support-and-butter-fannys-there-will-be-BFPS-its-JSing-44?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2356300-The-nice-weather-is-making-us-crave-burning-meat-on-an-outdoor-fire-maternity-leave-is-causing-headache-and-we-are-all-soldiering-on-as-the-heat-is-getting-to-us-here-is-JS-26?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="//www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Poor you Honey. Totally understandable you didn't want to be there. I agree with Pud's advice - a nice lunch will show her you want to get to know her better without the pressure of a babycentric environment.

Purchased some Superdrug brand tests on way home from pub. Sinus infection is back in overdrive. Feeling overwhelmed and very unhappy. Might need to skip next cycle if this isn't the one.

honey I'm sure SIL would like one to one time with you better than you tagging along to a shower where you barely know anyone.

Pub lunch with DC's I meant!

Thanks for the friendly welcome

I'm not finding this ttc lark as easy or as much fun as I was expecting. I joined another thread on another website but it was so negative that it made me feel even worse. I'm loving that this one has a lively banter even if I can't understand half of what you all say .

for you Sky. Are you going to test with FMU?

Janey, ttc is an emotional roller coaster, these ladies will give you the best support though. If you Google mumsnet abbreviations and have a read through we might start making some more sense (although, not always!).

janey I'm not either, I find this thread hilarious and so supportive.

sky hope your superdrugs give you a bfp. If it doesn't then a cycle off could be all you need to feel better. Hugs for you.

hi Janey, we don't know what we are on about half the time either! mist of our unique acronyms are in the op (opening post) and the generic mumsnet ones are here

don't be afraid to ask if we start sounding like we are speaking our own language though!

honey you are not a horrible person. I did far worse. my bff asked me if she should have a baby shower and I just said "If u do I'm not coming!" and I don't regret it at all. I cried getting all the baby stuff down from our loft today that we have accumulated. I said to dh I should be 4 months pregnant and the bastard comes back with "no you're not it wasn't meant to be" its a good job I was up the loft with no ladder at the entrance or I may have punched his lights out.

my next issue is wtf am I going to do with the tonne of baby stuff I have?! like literally, its filled my lounge! I don't want it in the new house, feels like a bad omen for which I'm told by DM and dh I'm silly to me.I have literally everything. might post a list in grads and see what they think I should keep/ditch.

Yes, to be fair, TTC is only fun if you conceive immediately. Otherwise it's a bit shit!

So, we need to be silly! The most fun I find is Mumsnet swears. Which is animal + profanity. Oliviamumsnet said "puffincunt" the other day which made me giggle.

Unicornsmeg?
Foxtwat?
Molecunt?

Lil perhaps box it in some cardboard boxes and squirrel them away in the loft so you don't have to stare at in every day???

Lil can you store it anywhere? Garage? Storage? Kind friend? But yes, your DH is a lucky man.

My sister rolled that line out on me too. It did not make me feel better. At all.

Molecunt

That's a tough one lil, you have to do what feels right for you I guess

Ok honey here goes. ..

Shitting dragontwat
Arsing titmonkey (mixing it up there)

lil that is a tricky one...if u think u should purge (for space reasons ) then if u can bear to go through things and keep the bits u really love but get rid of boringessentials or couldbeusefuls.

There's no such thing as bad omens or jinx or even law of sod in reality (sorry viroids!) So keep it all if it makes u happy, and none of it if it makes u sad

I should have said my plan is to put it all back in DMS loft but she needs to clear space for it first. I know its stupid to be superstitious about it but I can't help just being irrationally adamant that it can't go in the new house until maybe 2weeks before I'm actually about to pop out a baby

I do get you Lil, it's why I wouldn't have a baby shower pre baby. It's just asking for it, surely? I know it's not

DH is funny. Discussing a "drug free" allergy med advertised on TV, he suggested string a dead frog round a babies neck to cure teething. (My sister used those amber necklaces so he is taking the piss)

I love titmonkey!

oh god, my sil is into those amber things. dniece suddenly had one last week. all I can think is choking hazard DUH!! and dnephew had an anklet one that was ridiculously tight, I'm surprised he still has a foot tbh!

Welcome Janey!

Sky sorry you're feeling so rough, hope you sinuses clear up soon. Are you going to POASuperDrug tomorrow then?

lil it's not stupid, we can all be irrational about certain things now and again. Can you get someone else to keep it all while your DM clears the space?

Sky I'm joining your club. This is the second day in a row I'm being a moody cow. Normally would mean AF is due in a couple days, except it would be a bit early. I think she's due Wed the earliest. But maybe I'm wrong.

Getting very worked up about this month being The One. I've even looked up when I would be having a 12w scan. This is so stupid. If AF arrives I will be in floods of tears again. Why am I doing this to myself??

lil is there anyone else who can help you with storage? I don't blame you for feeling a bit superstitious. I'm shit at quelling anxiety!

I'm also feeling it today and in definite need of a hooyah. I can't stop thinking about what my friend said about conceiving. What if she's jinxed me and she's right?!

I totally have an amber anklet, if it meant the slimmest chance of getting some sleep I'd pay £100 for donkey shit

problem with those bed things wine is that they are rarely pure amber!

no can't think of anyone we could ask to store it really other than dm. could get a storage unit I suppose but would probably end up cheaper to ditch and rebuy!

What's this Amber stuff? I have never heard speak of it. I have always wanted a nice Amber necklace. With a prehistoric bug in it preferably...

TTC does suck ass. When I started I just thought you shagged a bit then a baby popped out a while later. So not true. But the problem is the only people who ever talk about it openly are actually the ones who get pregnant by looking at a boy with intent.

It's one reason why I try to be relatively open. I think it would generally be better if we all were a bit more honest. It's a personal decision, but were delaying it til a) we're in well-established relationships so past the tearing-clothes-off-every-5-mins stage;b) in stable, well paid, stressful long hours jobs where we barely see our partners for long enough mon-fri to have sex; c) older.

This is not a recipe for immaculate conceptions. Or maybe that's the answer!

Sorry, it's a personal decision to talk openly about it, but we're delaying it...

Typing fail.

Those amber things are meant to be teething aids, they are necklaces and anklet's that are meant to sooth teething. My godson wears one 24/7. I have no idea if it works or not.

Lil i'm surprised your hubby got away with that, i'd had killed DP if he came out with that one.

He had a bit of a mope today. He thinks because he got hit in the balls a few times when he was younger he's the reason we aren't upduffed yet. I told him it's as likely to be me as it is him, but he's still getting down about it. What can i do to help?

honey I don't blame you at all! Sometimes we have to know our limits. I skipped a pub trip tonight as I'm feeling so fed up that I should be at the same stage lil should be at too. Wouldn't have been baby themed, I just couldn't be bothered.

Welcome janey

Just donned my cape. So that makes it CD 8, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14. Ovia says three days of the fertile period left but as you can tell I'm taking that with a pinch of salt. However I think I've peaked early as not sure I can contemplate sex even EOD to the end of the week. I just got terrible cramps after DTD then and am really worried about that. Hoping it's too much action/ovulation and nothing more sinister. I think if not this month, I'm going to scale things back to EOD which is what we did the month we did conceive or maybe take a bit of a break, as my head is in a bit of a mess.

niff i think its so important to talk honestly.

stoat thats some effort, hope it brings you luck.

jelly no advice other than give him a cuddle and a hooyah. Its normal to worry but won't change anything. Sounds like he needs some reassurance and you could get him to read this to reassure him, i found it on google.

Testicular trauma, if severe, can rupture the testicle and cause impairment of sperm production but this is very rare. If a man has just had typical playground testicle injuries, it's unlikely to explain fertility problems

Would a chat with his dr reassure him?