Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)
- Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
- Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
- Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
- Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
- Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.
JSing lingo
ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'
Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!
Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.
Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).
POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?
ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.
JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.
Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.
Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!
Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.
Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!
Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP
SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP
TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!
Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'
Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!
Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid
Cat - Compulsory
Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples
The link to Part 44 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2359579-Viroids-get-your-Miroid-to-stick-his-manjo-in-your-fanjo-and-the-jizz-bombs-will-go-off-Theyre-famous-for-their-super-support-and-butter-fannys-there-will-be-BFPS-its-JSing-44?" target="_blank">HERE</a>
The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2356300-The-nice-weather-is-making-us-crave-burning-meat-on-an-outdoor-fire-maternity-leave-is-causing-headache-and-we-are-all-soldiering-on-as-the-heat-is-getting-to-us-here-is-JS-26?" target="_blank">HERE</a>
The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>
The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="//www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>
The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>
Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>
We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.