Didn't think I wanted to get pregnant but sudden change of heart = bonkers

[CrispKindle]

I hope my name change works for this!

I really want to get this out and see if anyone can relate / offer sage advice. I have a 19 month old DD. We are not going to try for No 2 until June next year because of finances / nursery factors / exhaustion (she is rubbish at sleeping).

BUT we DTD weekend before last. I thought I was close to the end of my period so didn't use our normal barrier contraception. Then when I checked I realised I was on CD9, which as my cycle is 26 days means there is a vague (very vague) possibility of being pregnant.

I was initially 'oh shit' about my mistake but then suddenly, like a switch flicked, I really really wanted to be pregnant. And in the days since I have gone completely bonkers - obsessively reading about fertility windows, ovulation, chances etc. Has been a big learning curve for me because it happened first time with DD. The chances are very slim because of the timing, the fact we only did it once and I am still BFing.

But emotionally I feel a bit deranged. it is too early to test but I tested anyway this morning in the vague chance of at least ending the craziness. It was negative (still 8 days til missed period - I knew if was silly to do it, but couldn't help myself). DH is not sure what to make of me, he is very worried it is possible and says we will be fine, but is not ideal. I am symptom spotting all the time and feel sick but it is very likely psychosomatic.

Can anyone relate to this dramatic change of heart? Before this I wasn't even 100% sure wanted another baby. Now I feel like I can't function for dreaming about a BFP.

And sorry if this offends anyone who has a real reason to be getting emotional and upset (like has been trying for ages). I have been lurking a lot here the past week and I really feel for people who have a struggle to conceive. Also my sister went through it for years, and I am fully aware I have no right to be feeling so emotional.

Sorry not my area of sage advice but as noone else answered here's a stab at it... I reckon this episode be telling you that you don't really want to wait until next june. BTW I tried for ages TTC and not offended in the slightest.

Obviously you know you want another baby (given that you have already planned the very specific date of june 2016 to conceive it!) so i don't reckon it is so surprising that you are full of hope at the possibility that it might happen sooner. When i was TTC, each try, i told myself I was going to be really casual and the chances were small, but at the slightest sniff of a pregnancy i instantly became a baby-crazed beast. So sounds like normal behaviour to me, even for someone not actively trying.

From my own experience (four years TTC starting in my 20s and no real reason why it took so long), I'd advise anyone who wants a baby to get on with it while the going is good. You just don't know what will happen. Do the finances definitely definitely rule a baby out sooner? I don't want to encourage anyone to starve, and while i know nursery is expensive, it's not half as expensive as fertility treatment. I have a friend who was keen to get going but whose husband wanted to wait until they finances were in a better place. After hearing how much our fertility treatment cost, he reassessed their financial situation pretty quickly and they were preg in no time. Turns out they could afford it after all... I can totally see why you don't want to be preg again with no sleep but I reckon this episode is telling you that in your heart of hearts you don't want to wait so long as next june. LO should be sleeping soon. Maybe, with the eating of some economy beans on toast, the june date could flex a little?

Hi Agile, thanks for your reply. I really really appreciate a voice of sense at a very difficult and weird time.

I have since found out I am indeed pregnant and have subsequently freaked out massively on the finances. However, I think you are right about priorities and not assuming things can wait. My family have early menopause sometimes (from 40, I am 33) so I shouldn't be hanging around. Also, yes we can make changes to our spending. It will be hard but we can do it I think. I think I need to sort of allow myself to be happy about it.

I hope your own fertility battles turned out ok? I wasn't sure from your message. But thanks again so much for being understanding.