Just that really. Previously regular as clockwork cycles have now gone haywire . This cycle is the 2nd cycle in a row where i had spotting and thought it to be implantation bleeding only for it to be AF arriving early or reasons unexplained.
Im finding each month off the pill more painfull than the last and struggling on in the hopes of a bfp every month , only to be hit with dissapointment of Af arriving as well as dealing with the pain and genraly feeling crap. I find my mood really suffers and i get very Depressed/emotional which does not help me deal with the dissapointment of not being pregnant every month while on my period . I used to feel much better on the pill while on af both painwise , pysically and emotionally .
I really appriciate there are others that have been struggling on much longer and with alot worse than myself 
Just wanted to post on here in hopes some people might know how i feel? Only one of my friends is whithout children and not in a position of ttc and dosnt understand my frustration. Those that i feel understand and comfortable enough to explain it too, i dont like to complain about ttc as dont want to sound begruding in any way and bang on about it every month.
I also dont want to keep getting told to relax and it will happen when it happens or how so and so had been trying for xamount of time decided to stop and got pregnant.
I really appriciate the sentiment but it dosnt help my feelings every month when i get AF
With my first pregnancy ( which ended in miscarriage) I Conceived after 3 cycles which was a shock as i had expected with the endo to take longer.
Dp dosnt understand he sees me upset and asks whats wrong and when he works out its to do with Af arriving, just says i set myself up for dissapointment everymonth by hoping for a bfp. Dont bother telling him whats up now, just say nothing.
This month has been so draining with first spotting and cramping ( at that point not due AF for over another week) for two days , pressure in tummy untill this weekend, bloatedness , sickness and very tender boobs, aswell as diffuculty sleeping . Coming up to this week being due AF and AF like symptoms seemed to have dissapeared so allowed myself to get hopeful for a few days ( if im being honest was hopeful from spotting ). Af seems to have arrived today, just after ripping open the packaging on a FRER. Went ahead with test .BFN.
So fed up and sad of being in this cycle of feeling optimistic and hopefull for the first two weeks of my cycle then dissapointment and a feeling of despair for around a week and trying to forget it by the next week to feel hopeful and muster up the heart and energy for dtd for the next cycle (get so tired).
Sorry for the self pitying post Xxx