Viroids get your Miroid to stick his manjo in your fanjo and the jizz-bombs will go off! They're famous for their super support (and butter fannys), there will be BFPS...it's JSing 44!!

[Hobbit19]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

The link to Part 42 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2349170-Our-new-greeting-cards-are-here-Were-making-vaginal-butter-and-baking-in-a-sneaky-shag-from-behind-Our-skittletits-cant-hold-us-back-its-JSing-43?pg=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2356300-The-nice-weather-is-making-us-crave-burning-meat-on-an-outdoor-fire-maternity-leave-is-causing-headache-and-we-are-all-soldiering-on-as-the-heat-is-getting-to-us-here-is-JS-26?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2323427-Just-Mumming-Along-Viroids-4?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="//www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found [www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies? HERE]]

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Hi everyone! Sorry I've been an awful Just Shagger (in every sense of the word unfortunately!)

I will catch up on the Fred. I need to read the whole lot from page two though so it'll take a while. Will do it this afternoon when I've gotten a few more reports written.

Nothing exciting to report from my perspective - just been super busy with work which is why I haven't been here.

I do have a weird brownish tinged discharge right now. Here's to hoping it's something to do with AF and she is finally going to put in an appearance!

Yes she is on grads and doing okay but quite sicky I think.

Glad to here she's ok (not glad she's pukey of course!)

Thanks pud you are lovely. Reassuring to hear your post-BC periods were light too.

Since stopping the pill I've had the spotting on and off before af so I'm 99.9% sure that's what it is, plus I think it would be too late for IB? As af is due today. Although it was only the tiniest amount and nothing since, even post-shag which tends to bring it on (thought we better get one in before I'm off limits for a few days with af ). It was the weirdest looking sporting too - tmi alert but it was almost like a teeny tiny ball of CM, but very light brown colour. Still not holding out hope though, off out for lunch with dh to cheer myself up! Happy Sunday all x

*spotting not Sporting!'

Hmmmm, I can picture exactly what you mean. Nice! Well, there is still hope for you then! Gx

Hah! nif I've had few friends in diplomatic posts give birth in off the chart places too! And a handful who are humanitarian folk like red crescent and doctors without borders who also stayed put.
But impressive that they're clear on getting you home for a birth. Guess that means heading out at around 32 weeks in case? Sorry realise we are taking hypothetical here but we do off course all know that this will be your bfp cycle anyways!

Ain! Spotting?! Hooorah!

Ethel re vitamins...I'm taking the seven seas ttc vits....have just checked them against the seven seas pregnancy vits (which i sadly dont need now) and the ttc seem to have the same/less of the vits in the preg ones. The preg ones to have a wider range of vits, but they are MUCH bigger so you might not like them.

Might be worth looking in boots for smaller preg vits, but it doesnt seem there's anything in the ttc ones which would be a problem

So the miroid has suggested stop TTC until I have a job. He thinks we are being reckless as no one will give me a job if I'm upduffed. I know he's being sensible but I'm gutted.

Sorry to hear that pickle, I've not got a job either but I already knew we were being reckless I suppose!

I still want to be reckless!

Those who have been here longer will always advise not stopping for anything. TTC happens, no matter what life planned. You can't put life on hold and you shouldn't put TTC on hold either. Unfortunately, it's a decision you need to make with DP.

Your right honey I don't want to stop and I will get another job. Hopefully I can get something to fill in time freelance and then it's no problem. I understand why he's worried but I don't wanna stop. It could take months from now anyway.

So sorry pickle must have been a blow for you.

No AF yet

pickle that's the thing I think you need to discuss with your miroid. That's also the massive kick in the nuts about ttcing. You just never know if it's going to take one cycle or 18 or more.

If you are in your twenties, then he might have a point as you would have plenty of time, but if you are older then really I think it's better to just go for it and see what happens. If it takes a year, then it's better to start now than in a years time, if you see what I mean!

I think I am coming down with a cold or something. My body feels heavy (although that could be down to the fact I started exercising again last week after a huge hiatus), and I feel like I have a temperature. It's not all the time, but I do feel hotter than usual (even though it's cold today), and it's a bit uncomfortable. Not feeling exhausted, but definitely tired (again, could well be the exercise), and yet can't sleep when I try and nap.

And yes, I have googled every single one of these with the words "early pregnancy symptom" attached . I'm trying to tell myself that AF will be getting here sometime between tomorrow and wednesday/thursday, but obviously I'll still be disappointed if it does.

Finally caught up!

I see I missed Ethel doing a kitten and some other newbies joining us. hello to all the newbies

Sock did you get any further with your tests? I was diagnosed with PCOS a few months ago now. I've had no periods since a withdrawal bleed from BC last August! I've had bloods and an ultrasound. Currently waiting for an appointment to come through to se the gynae specialists.

Whoever was confused about the dragon - I'm guessing it was for St. Georges Day.

I'm sorry I missed the property porn.

Ain, you are spotting?! I missed that post. Yey!! At least something is happening!!!

This fred really is a good representation of the ups and downs and many faces of ttc...some happy to see AF, some devastated, some super long cycles, some short, some crazy - quick bfps, some waiting far too many years months...

My personal highlight today...bleeding/spotting may actually be stopping!! Fingers crossed hcg is back to 'normal' by blood test on tues :)

In non-ttc news, have been potting on LOTS of toms and cus, and DH has been doing super work on new shed, gate n fences

I'm a horrible DW. I've been at work today, when I got home I found DH not very well. He had self diagnosed himself with appendicitis. My first though was not concern for his wellbeing but.... Shit it's my fertile week, if he needs his appendix removed we won't be able to shag

I've since undiagnosed appendicitis as where his pain is, is nowhere near where my scar from appendix removal is. He has now decided that we don't need to rush to A&E and he will just go to the doctors in the morning.

pud I think so. I'm all cramps, slightly queasy, and what was brown coloured discharge this morning is now more of a brighter red colour. Still very light though so not sure exactly...

This past few weeks I've been getting some symptoms of something happening - sensitive nips, odd cramps and aches here and there, erratic moods, I've had a few spots (normally I only have an odd one or two or something), but I've been putting pretty much all of that down to being extra busy lately... haven't even been thinking about ttc. What's the point if I'm not even ovulating? We've only did a couple of times this month.

tries not to fuel crazy by remembering the sensitive nips and some cramping and the worst moods occurred around the time I had a teeny bit of ewcm...

Hello ain and thanks for the welcome. Hope you're not waiting too long for your appointment to come through.

5hell keeping gx for you

Caught up on the whole fred today and you lot are comedy genius just so you know, you've had me laughing (and tearing up too over the sad times). Dunno if I can be as funny but I'll try and I'm excited to be along for the ride. Do you mind if I stick myself on the sexy spreadsheet?

dtd, not did. Autocorrect.

Ooh. .. pretzel you just reminded me...

Thank you for the spreadsheet La!!!

Argh no idea what my stupid body is doing! No more signs of af and no more spotting, but I feel utter sh*t, cramping pain STILL and the worst mood swings, feel like I hate my do this weekend when usually we get on so well, also so emotional which is unlike me as despite my anxiety I'm v unemotional and rarely cry. Wish I'd just bought a test then I could get it over with and know either way rather than running to the loo all the time.

Worst of all I've been having pelvic pain on both sides sporadically (but more so on the right) on the front and back, which has convinced me I must have PCOS...

Enough about me anyway, so self involved! 5hell I'm so glad it seems you e stopped spotting, sorry you had to go through it though.

Ain't that sounds promising. My af has been very light since stopping BC but always starts with the spotting which gradually gets heavier. Gx for you.