Should we go for it?

[Charlie52]

Hi All,

DP and I have talked about having kids and we both agreed there were things we wanted to do beforehand - things like learn to drive, move to a bigger house, get married, holiday abroad, DP get a better job. Most of the things we said we wanted to do, we have or will have done in the next few months. We're getting married soon and will be going abroad for our honeymoon so that's two things in one. We're moving in July and I've just passed my driving test and bought a car. DP's also just about to start a better job. We're wondering now if, in the next few months, we should start trying. We're both quite young (25 & 26) but we feel like by waiting, we'd just be waiting for the sake of it because other people think we should. The one thing holding us back is I'm in my first year of a four year PhD but my research council is great for funding and gives 6 months full paid maternity leave with the option of an additional 6 months unpaid. With the job market the way it is and the joys of postdoc positions (not to mention the hrs being just as bad at post doc), we've no idea when we'll next have the guarantee of such a good maternity pay.

I seriously can't think of a reason to wait except because other people think we should. DP has a 5 year old from his previous relationship and DP's ex had a baby last year which DSS loves to bits so I think he'd be just fine with us having one. I'm soo broody and so is DP. The thought of being responsibly for this tiny human being is both terrifying and exciting at the same time. I'm not sure what I want people to say I'm just trying to work things out in my head.

Totally go for it. Don't worry about other people's expectations.

I briefly worried about how some of the old dears I work with with might react to DP and I having a baby with no intention of getting married but then thought- sod them. And in the event they were absolutely lovely- genuinely happy for us, lots of knitting for the baby etc. So people can surprise you. But really, it's a decision for you and your DP. If it feels right then why on earth wait?!

I'm glad people were really happy for you!

We had a bit of a oopsy over the bank holiday weekend and decided not to get the morning after pill and just let nature take its course. According to my cycles (not tracking anything else as not actually trying yet), it was roughly around 3 days before ovulation. It's too early to test but I'm booked in for a cervical screening scan this week. Do you (or anyone else) know if it's okay for me to have it if on the tiny chance I am pregnant? It'd only be 10 days after we dtd and roughly a week after ovulation (but potentially longer).

Re: the cervical screening, just ring up the surgery and ask if it's OK to proceed. They won't mind changing the appointment for you and it's better than wasting your and their time on the day if they can't do it.

Regarding conception, only you and your OH really know if it's the right time for you as a couple. There are advantages to waiting a couple of years (enjoying married life just as a couple for a bit, chance to do a bit more travelling, get that bigger house etc) and you're young enough to have the luxury of the choice. That being said, most of those other things can still be done with kids, you just plan differently. If you both want to, go for it! Good luck!

Thanks orange I'll call them Monday.

I'm supposed to be seeing GP in two weeks about getting an implant. I don't know if it's worth it now though. I think waiting a year or so and reassessing would help a lot financially, giving us time to save more now DP's starting his new job. But then can I get an implant just for a year or would they rather we use something else?

You can have an implant removed at any time. Gp often recommended using non hormonal method of contraception for 3 months before ttc but this is just to make dating easier and there is non medical reson to do. 6 months full pay for maternity leave is very generous.

Hmm in that case is it really worth getting for the sake of say 9 months. Perhaps we're better off sticking with our current method (assuming of course nothing has happened this month).

6 months full pay is so good and I can't think of a job with such good benefits. My other issue though is whilst in theory there's the option of going part time (but still a minimum of 75% hrs) how on earth does one work it out in practice. It's not a 9-5 job so I've no idea how I'd say I want to cut my hours. Though I guess 4 full days would just mean I get 4/5ths pay. Working it out using my current stipend amount and the university's day care centre, I'm only £6 a day better off working (we'd not be entitled to childcare tax credits) and so I'd rather be at home with baby for 1 of the weekdays and just lose the £24 a month. I'm overthinking things aren't i?