Hey everyone
Last time I posted, it was in the 'pregnancy' bit on this forum, but looking back I think my post is more suited to this thread! I can't tell you all how grateful I am to have somewhere to share my thoughts with others (who hopefully) understand.
My AF is as regular as clockwork (every 27 days), so when I recently missed it I thought there was a high chance I could be pregnant. I'm now 11 days late and 4 BFN's later (2 from Waitrose & 2 from the chemist) I'm thinking maybe not? I bet loads of you are going through this or have been through it before, but when you're trying to get pregnant it's the most frustrating thing ever!
I don't want to talk to anyone about this (except my fiancé), but it's made things hard. For example I've just taken up running with a friend who is pushing me hard, but if I was pregnant I'm sure I'm not meant to take up running, especially in the 1st trimester. What on earth do I do? It seems absolutely crazy to stop doing it 'just incase'. But then if I did suddenly get a BFP I would feel terribly guilty and worried for the baby. It's the same with eating - do you eat like you're pregnant 'just incase', or is that just being ridiculous? I honestly feel like such an idiot, because I swore I would never get like this over trying to get pregnant. I had a 'if it happens, it happens attitude'. Mainly because I've seen friends become totally destroyed when they can't get pregnant, and I didn't want to become that way. (One in particular fell out with everyone over it because she became so jealous of their babies - poor girl).
Before it even occurred to me that I could be pregnant I had a bit of a faintly episode (feeling queasy etc), but really didn't think anything of it. Then at work, about a week later, I felt queasy again. I only remember these episodes because they were at specific, memorable times. Right when I didn't need it! My boobs were unusually sore for at least 3 weeks, but over the past two days this has nearly disappeared. The one thing that I still have is these crazy AF type cramps. Some really take my breath away, and I get them everyday! Again - I would normally take pain killers and get on with it, but what if I am pregnant? I feel like I'm suffering in silence here.
I've had loads of other strange feelings too. Before I suspected, there was a weird twinge episode, like a pulsing in my tummy. I've never had anything like that before! I felt ridiculously hot all over, when normally I'm freezing cold all the time. I still feel hot, but not as hot as I did. Then last week sometime it felt like my insides were falling out at one point.
It's all a bit odd really. I'm totally emotional, and there's been a bit of crying! As, I said previously - I really do feel like an idiot! Yesterday, when I took test number 3, I didn't read the instructions (thinking it was the same as the Waitrose ones), and I got mega excited when I saw two lines. Then I read the pack, and realised a cross means a BFP. I felt gutted. (But it's funny in a way!).
I've kinda had to have a word with myself today, and have decided that I'm just going to behave normally from now on. Like I'm not pregnant (because I'm probably not). So I'll eat what I want, go running, and even to the spa day I have planned (apparently if you're pregnant you can't go in the jacuzzi, you can't get a massage etc etc). I'm not going to take another test unless I missed a 2nd period.
I guess I just wanted to share these final thoughts, and check if you guys think I'm doing the right thing? Or should I be careful just incase? What approach do you all take in this situation? Sorry for this essay type post, but I feel a hell of a lot better after writing it!!!! 
One last thing - I was pregnant about 10 years ago and the tests didn't show positive until 8 weeks, so although I feel like I'm being a bit ridiculous right now, it's not totally unfounded......