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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Ttc dc2- are we just not having enough sex?!

12 replies

Missushb · 10/04/2015 10:38

Trying to conceive second child for the last year now. Signs are that AF is on her way, again. I had a section with ds1, and am slightly paranoid that's damaged me! I get twinges where wound is, doctor says everything seems normal though when I asked about the pains, and if anything had happened Id have had more pain at the time. I'm 34. When I think now, we weren't actively trying to conceive ds1, but weren't using any birth control, for over a year, so I suppose it did take as long with ds1. With having a toddler and us both being tired we are not exactly at it like Game of Thrones characters, could we simply just not be having enough sex?! We probably only do it around 3 times per month, when I'm proabably fertile, from time of month and cm. the month we conceived ds1 we only done it once! I think that's lulled me in to false sense of fertility!! Overweight just now and just don't feel sexy!

OP posts:

Guyropes · 10/04/2015 10:53

The more sex you have, the more you feel like doing it though, sometimes you just have to have faith that you will enjoy it once you get started. Do you enjoy it when you have sex?

Original poster

Missushb · 10/04/2015 11:29

That's true, definitely. The more you do it the more you want to! Just so bloody tired! Been trying to eat better but I'm a really bad sleeper- vicious circle!

OP posts:

sebsmummy1 · 10/04/2015 11:31

Are you tracking ovulation through other means too? If not it might be worth getting some opks.

Geneticsbunny · 10/04/2015 11:36

I think that every 2-3 days throughout the month is meant to be the best bet

MalibuDaisy · 10/04/2015 11:46

I've wondered this, DH and I have only managed twice a month and even though it's at the right sort of time I don't really feel it's enough. I struggle from body dysmorphia and before TTC we weren't doing it at all (I had several months of counselling to get me to the point where I could stand the intimacy) so it's taken a lot for me to get to this point, and the thought of trying to do it 2-3 times a week makes me feel incredibly anxious! DH has been incredibly understanding and is very laid back about it all, but I'm just not sure that twice a month gives us great odds.

I'm hoping that from next month (not much point this month as he's away for practically my whole fertile period) we can up it a bit more, I'm also going to start using OPKs and temping from next week so that we can increase the accuracy of when we DTD as well.

BikeRunSki · 10/04/2015 12:03

3 times a month isn't really maximising your chances though.

Original poster

Missushb · 10/04/2015 19:58

So are we thinking every two to three days? All month round or during the first half of the cycle? God when I think how much we were at it years ago and were paranoid about getting pregnant! The irony!!

OP posts:

Figster · 10/04/2015 20:02

Id definitely be having more sex at peak fertility times every couple of days as a minimum.

Oysterbabe · 10/04/2015 22:22

Every other day during your fertile window at least I think.

Guyropes · 11/04/2015 09:51

I think it can be hard to have plenty of sex if you are doing it to ttc, not just for the fun/ bonding of it. I think there are 2 main approaches... Either monitor for ovulation and time it, or just have plenty of sex trying to ignore the timing of it so it's more fun and less stressful.

I don't know which is the more successful approach... Think you have to decide based on how you as a couple feel about sex.

Charlie52 · 11/04/2015 15:59

Following this with interest. DP and I are looking to maybe start ttc in the next few months but struggle to dtd more than 3-4 times a month atm. I'm in counselling at the moment as been left with many issues after an abusive relationship in my teens and it is helping but like malibudaisy the idea of specifically having sex 2-3 times a week is quite daunting.

lemon101 · 12/04/2015 08:52

Hi missushb,
Me and my dh were only having sex maybe once a week pre TTC. When we tried to get pregnant we upped it specifically in the fertile time and while for the first 3 months that was really fun, it did start to feel like a burden. We actually both completely went off sex for a month or two because it killed the intimacy of it and the genuine fun you have together. I think I realized that we didn't want to jeopardize that sense of fun and TTC sex needed to be rethought.
Long story short - you probably do need to up the frequency - but it sounds like you have issues still around body image. Maybe consider some old fashioned fumbling in the dark if that will make things easier ;-)? Either way make sure that you remain comfortable with it and don't force yourself into something that will make you uncomfortable just to conceive. Sex needs to remain fun and special for both of you. Also sometimes (minor) miracles do happen - we got our bfp after a spectacularly rubbish month where we only DTD twice.

Good luck!

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