Aaargh! He's changed his mind again!

[feedmenow]

Hello everyone! Sorry to see far too many of you still around, but glad in a way too cos I need some advice please....
OK, so 3 weeks ago dp changes his mind and we effectivelt stop ttc. However, we have done a fair amount of talking since then and he now says he does want No. 3 and that he wants us to keep trying. I just don't know what to think about this cos it is such a major decision for us to make and I don't know if I could cope if we start trying again and then he changes his mind again. Part of me thinks that we should wait a bit longer now to check that he won't change his mind again but I won't be good at wiaint cos stopping contraception and having periods is playing havoc with me emotionally and physically. If we're not going to try then I want my coil back!!
The thing is, I know that he would be thrilled if I was pg, and he'd love the baby but I just don't want it to start off worng, and I CERTAINLY don't ever want to run the risk of him saying further down the line that he wasn't keen on another baby anyway.
Do all men get like this? I don't even feel like I can look at all this rationally cos I'm so involved in it and cos my hormones are so panic!
PLEASE help me.....

I guess the fact that he has changed his mind means that he is thinking about it properly-unlike some men in that they will say whatever they think the woman wants to hear.

My dp took a bit of persuading as he wanted to wait longer to ttc but then he changed his mind and wanted to go for it. After mc he now seems even more determined to ttc and hasn't changed his mind.

I think ttc is one of those things where there is so much to weigh up that if any of us spent too much time trying to decide, than we would be changing our minds every few hours! Do you think he is the kind of person to say ''further down the line'' that he wasn't keen on another baby? Because that would be so unfair.

Think you have to be honest with him and tell him what you have told us in your post-you need to know that he has made his mind up as far as possible and won't turn it around when you get pg. Good luck xx

Hiya - just wanted to say that my dh has also done this to me. I came off the pill in May to get it out of my system and start ttc sometime around July. We have ds who was 2 in Sept. We have talked loads about baby no2 and I thought we were going for it! DH however seems to change his mind depending on how tired he is. Ds isn't a great sleeper and if we have a bad night then I know the morning after DH will be in a crappy mood and say he doesn't want another baby. A month or so ago we sat and talked again and he said he knew it wasn't fair what he was doing and said he definitely wanted another baby and we should start ttc straight away. Guess what then happened - a bad night a couple of weeks ago and I am back to square one. DH said he thinks we should wait until ds is nearer to 4 as it will be easier then!!! I don't want to wait that long so may need to be a bit more persuasive and hope ds starts sleeping better!!
Sorry not much help but I do know how you feel

Hi feedmenow big hug
This is a difficult one and I don't think there's an easy answer. These are my thoughts..
I think its good that he's had time to think about it and maybe was under pressure before and needed to think it through in his own time.
If its something you want which I think you really do then I say go for it.
Once you have a new addition to your family I am sure his paternal instincts will kick in like they did for the other 2.
Gently make it clear to him that you are happy he has changed his mind, it is something you both want and how unfair it would be for him to change his mind again.
Try romantic fun things to do without the kids like a meal out so he doesn't feel left out and this will remind him that he is an important part of your life too. Even if he said he changed his mind or regretted it in the future I expect this would just be something said in the heat of the moment he didn't mean and maybe he was just feeling stressed or under pressure.
Hope this helps...

Hi I've just joined and went straight to your discussion as my husband keeps changing his mind about having our first baby, I'm nearly 33 so it's really upsetting me as he intitially said lets go for it and was so excited, a couple of months later and he was showing no interest and sex had almost diminished which is very strange for him. I wanted to ignore it but eventually we talked and he told me he wanted to wait until the new year (only 3 months away) and I flipped as not only did I feel gutted that I had to stop trying but also that he still wasn't ready and why would he be anymore ready in 3 months.

Thanks all for the messages.

KPK - it seems like you are in a more confusing situation than me. I mean, at least I have 2 already. I think that the decision to have the first is a lot harder than subsequent babies cos it means a COMPLETE change to everything, but it should never taken lightly. The most ridiculous thing in my case though is that dp wants to get a dog!! Would this not also be a HUGE amount of responsibility and a HUGE expense?? At least with children we don't have to pay for vaccinations and other medical expenses Anyway, I'm going off track here! KPK - do you/your dh have close friends or family who have children? Perhaps he could have a chat with someone cos I know so many people who kept putting off a first cos they "didn't feel ready", but in the end realised that they might never feel ready and justhad to get on with it, so to speak

thanks feedmenow, I think it's because nearly all our friends do have kids, some with 2 and 3, that he is apprehensive as he sees how much it does change your life, plus it is so clear what a pressure it can put on the parents relationships. His brother and 2 of his closest friends all have kids under 2 and are all have problems with their wives so that's not really helping!