Over a year TTC and I've turned bitter, jealous and grumpy!

[Bovnydazzler]

Firstly I realise I am so, so lucky. I've got 1 DS (2), and if I was struggling to TTC #1, I wpuld be thinking anyone in my position should be grateful I've got 1. I realise the situations do not at all compare.

However... I've been baby bombed for the second time this week and I've turned into a grumpier, bitter version of my former self! All bar one other of my Nct friends have had/about to have their second, and school friends are popping out their second in droves. Instead of being happy for them (and of course I'm all smiles in company with them) I can't help the jealousy kick in.

I was on the conception busses, although I loved the jokiness and support, I was feeling irrationally annoyed at all the first month BFPs so ive had to step off them!

On 'active threads' whenever there is a pregnancy thread (bored waiting for baby, feeling heavy) I feel like posting they should just feel lucky (of course I never do, it can be such a tough journey for some and anyone is entitled to a bit of a moan sometimes!)

I've been trying TTC over a year now, due to my cycles (40-90 days) being annovulatory, I was prescribed clomid but I finish the course this month, it's got rid of any cervical mucus I did have which is taking away any chance of success. So I'm back after this month on trying naturally again, I guess I'm not very hopeful that I'll ovulate which is why I'm feeling so down.

Anyway, I feel like a grumpy shadow of my former self! Come and tell me that I'm not alone in this, or that I should at least buck my ideas up, stop whinging and enjoy the son I do have!!

I'll join you. I also have a DS of 2 yrs old and TTC for 9 months but turning 38 next month and feel like my biological clock is about to go kaput

It's SO. BLOODY. FRUSTRATING

So no advice to give I'm afraid but offering support x

Have you tried a lube for the dryness?

2 and a half years ttc dc2, three failed rounds of ivf.
Conceived dc1 very easily but something has obviously gone badly wrong since.
Totally fed up and bitter.

loopyla thanks for the solidarity and (well needed) wine! 9 months is plenty long enough to feel the stress and frustration kick in, good luck with your journey!

I just want to be a nicer, happier person again!

Preseed lube had been my friend (as well as grapefruit juice, EPO and even guifenelene cough mixture) but still dry, dry, dry. I'm hoping clomid has kick started my ovulation so a natural cycle works!

DS took almost 2 years to conceive, I'm pretty sure I can't be arsed to shag on to a timetable for another 15 months - and I was younger then. This time I'm not having any ov pains when I used to and periods used to be heavier & more painful. Just think they're not good signs all round.

Notmymuse, how utterly shit & unfair, I'm so sorry x

I also know of someone who accidentally became pregnant & since having the baby, neither her or her partner seem particularly fussed about being a parent or showing affection to their little baby. Makes me so at them.

shag on to a timetable?!! WTF? Shag to a timetable, obv.

Yep infertility will do that to you. We have been TTC #2 for nearly two years. Three miscarriages in that time, now 40 so likelihood of success is slim. I am a shell of a person nowadays.

firstly at baby bombed. I'll be stealing that one.

basically, I just wanted to say that there's nothing with feeling the way you do, at least you can be honest with yourself. but try not to let it become an all-consuming thing. I did this almost 2 years ago now and I hated myself in the end, because I was just such a miserable cow. I too had/have long cycles and my DD was a complete fluke. I would love another now and I seem to be surrounded by people who literally have sex once and get pregnant which sometimes gets me frustrated (it made me before DD) but I try and be upbeat about it now. life is too short! I'm not going to say be grateful for what you have because it is your right to feel shit, but just try not to let it take over your life. sending you a big

I'm on cycle 9 TTC #1 and I am indeed a grumpy cow! In fact, I think it's wine o'clock very soon.

**nothing wrong

gahhhh

Joining the grump bus. Ttc #2 for coming up to two years. Periods gone haywire. Have a bmi of 34 (working on that) so not been to a doctor as that will be the first thing I need to fix...

Try and keep grumping to one day a month. But getting lapped by people having their second when their first is younger than ours hurts.

//breathes... Am very lucky with what I've got//

I am on cycle 65 tr ttc no1 or somewhere close, its hard I understand.

Older sister has had four children in that time. Younger sister has had one plus an abortion

Oh this is a bus I can totally get on board with.

TTC#2 20 months - check

Long cycles (40 day) - check

Everyone around me happily popping out second children - check, check, check

Can I add a miscarriage to the misery as well?

Ah, I have found my home. I am mightily grumpy after 2 years 3 months of The no. 3. I am horribly jealous of everyone.

Stupidly short cycles check. Miscarriage check.

Yep MC back in November for me too. It's all such bollucks isn't it?

Not to encourage the grumpiness but whoop whoop to not being the only one!

notmymuse so sorry for the failed IVFs, that's awful. How long did you TTC for before choosing that option? I don't know how long I will try naturally for again before going down that root, it will obviously be privately paid as I've got one already.

Sorry for everyone in similarly sad circumstances, especially those who have experienced miscarriages.

pontygirl that's really good advice, and I really was trying to stop it being so all consuming (another reason for stepping of the busses...) and just keep my moping for the arrival of AF. But all the unexpected announcements of others feel like a physical blow each time! I do think that regardless of whether I end having a second, my biggest regret in this time would be not enjoying DS1s childhood due to TTC, so I am trying to not let it consume me.

awww sweets, i can totally sympathise...im 44 and TTC #6 (i know...please dont be mad with me!!) all my others took around 3 months, but here I am 18 months later.
Two close friends (sisters) announced their pregnancies within 2 months of each other....they are young, newly married (within the last 2 years) and these are the first fr both of them.

with the first announcement on FB i sobbed for the whole day, and when the 2nd announcement cake, i felt sick and so depressed.

Im usually suck a kind, happy person, with a smile/hug/special baby gift for anyone, but this time, i havent even been able to go see the babies, not even for a little coo over the pram.....im not feeling well, i have a headache, im a bit busy..... SO not like me, but I cant help it.

I think, to me, anyways, it just highlights my failings to do what has always come easy to me, and it stings, not to mention highlights my advancing years too.

I know what you mean about having a break from pregnancy forums tho, cos it can drive you demented with such a high concentration of BFP'ers all in one place, instead of diluted throughout your friends list on FB, or your wider circle or real life family and friends.

((hugs)) to you xxx

Hey - I'm on board with this bus and I can totally empathise with the grumpiness and jealousy.

I'm 44 and been ttc #2 for about 22 months. My ds is about to turn 3 and I desperately want a sibling for him before he gets too old. Pretty much all the mums that I met when I had ds now have second children, and people who had children after I had mine are having their second too. It's so frustrating and I don't know why it's not happening for us. I've had all the usual tests, and nothing has come back.

So yes, uuurrgh - I know how you all feel.

Can I join this one as I totally get how you all feel.
Ttc #2 - have a gorgeous ds and would love a sibling for him. Been ttc since June last year so will soon up to the 1 year mark. Pissed off, frustrated, fed up, down, angry - you name it I've felt it.
Surrounded by pregnancy announcements and comments like 'you should have another one' or 'why haven't you had another?' - feel like shouting 'because it's not happening!!'
Sit opposite a girl at work who is pregnant because she was sick one day and her pill didn't work - one day!!! So when I am feeling fed up and miserable because AF has arrived I have to hear about her pregnancy all day long.
Oh and I'm 38 soon which doesn't help the stress and worry it won't happen.....

I love a good moan. Thank you for being honest and putting it out there. There are always people that are worse off, but that doesn't take away at all from how you are entitled to feel.
I'm still trying for baby 1. Ivd had 3 MCs and currently very cautiously pregnant again.
But I hate to say it... I can't stand pregnant women. With their smug scan photos, round bumps and general crippling superiority.
And the second the fall pregnant/reach a milestone scan, the journey and tears and stress of getting to that point is completely forgotten.
I have unfollowed/ unfriended pretty much anyone of child baring age in Facebook and have been much happier for it.
Here's to be cautious and respectful and not turning into those baby bombing bitches.

Well, AF is late, I've only got a little spotting if that isn't TMI, but on the experience of the art 30 odd cycles it means naff all. Why is it still so hard not to get my hopes up even with so much disappointment before?

Sweep, I'm exactly the same - have that hope every month despite telling myself not to. How late is AF? Do you normally get any spotting?

Often get spotting in the run up, and about every 4 or 5 months the I am a day or two late, just to mess with my head

Fingers crossed for you though sweep, let us know how you get on. I've still got AF for another couple of days then I always feel positive that this will be the month,but it never turns out to be,then start all over again....... I really hope this is your month though