stressed out and anxious
i love kids and my dp loves kids. for the last year or 2 we been putting on ferttilly treatmeant on hold since my dp wasnt well. Im sick of people all around having kids or thinking of trying. Im sick of hearing about couples less than a year together and finding out that they pregnant or expecting twins. im sorry if im upsetting people. Im sick of people asking me do you really want to have a child just because we are not married does not make it any easier. you dont ask the junkies in the street when they were begging is that the sort of life you want your children to grow up in.
i want to be a mum but im in my mid 30s and dp is in his mid 40s and i feel time is running out now and i have other problem to add to my other problems but its ok just something that they are aware of. with poor sperm and my crap problems im worried very worried
my dp family is not very nice at all. I think if im being honest have some sort of family undiagnosed mental problem. If im allowed to be honest. And all of the people in his family thru the genatic lines one is adopted and other sister is a bit odd and his mother is crazy and is father is normal. The only one is normal can you imagine how i felt when i met his good friend of the family one nite out and we were drinking and chatting and she told me a story a long time ago that my dp dad isnt his dad and it clicked how the rest of his family have his dad looks a bit and he doesnt. knowone from his side knows we along the road to this route to have a child in this manner. .
well it hit me like a ton of bricks i about to go in about 6 months time have 3 months of drugs pumped into me. and i dont know anything 5o per cent of me will come from me to the baby and 50 per cent of him also but there also a whole 25 of him
i dont know anything about his family history dieases of his 'dad' know and it scares me and i cant help feeling anxious about the whole thing im terrfied or bring an autstim kid or a special needs kid to this world like this. Especially with his family they are crazy im terrifed of having something wrong with the unborn child and have to make some very harsh decisions. in the last year i have started to do other things and i have the freedom to do what i want when i want. and ok if i have kids that is another story for which i a lot of love to give. but with a special needs kid im wont be able to cope and i dont want to rare one if i being honest
i have a friend who has a child with special needs. and its very frightening. she has to fight for everything fight for him to attend the best schools, she hasnt got a life. she cant leave him with anyone she cant even go away she had a carer to come in a few hours a week so she can get her shopping done, or stuff like that she couldnt bring him to the shops no more. as he is a handful she hasnt got a life. she worries when he is older which is odd as she thought it would get easier when they get older. but its worse she worries if she dies before him or get sick. she told how hard it is and honestly i dont know i cant be able to do it i much prefer to go down the donor sperm route i think his family is mad but the clinic we are attached to dont offer that service. Today i just feel overwhelmed you can go for some test but they dont tell you that your child has spd until its about a year old a what cost do i really want a child the risks of having a autsim kid is higher through ivf. i dont know anyone just so afraid
he knows how i feel about it and he no f support he thinks that we should go ahead but it me doing the hard work and honestly he cant even wannk in a cup as he has performance anxiety