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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

29 and desperate to be a mum :-(

10 replies

samily236 · 23/02/2015 11:22

Hi. I am 29 years old and have a wonderful boyfriend of two years.

I don't really know where to start as writing things down and telling strangers how I feel seems a bit silly but I feel it's something I need to try to try and make sense of everything.

Bit of background is that I got pregnant when I was very young, was with someone I had no intention of being with plus I wasnt in a position to provide for a child as I was still a child myself so made the decision to have a termination. As much as I know I did the right thing for the babies sake it's still something that haunts me every single day and will forever be my biggest regret.

Since then I have never caught again. My partner and I have been trying for a year and nothing has happened. We are both fit and healthy. He was pregnant with an ex partner that unfortunately ended in miscarriage a few years back.

The fact that it's just not happening for us is slowly starting to kill me. I'm at the point where I can't even hold my baby nephew without breaking down.

I am aware that I am suffering with depression due to this which is in the process of being dealt with as is tests at a fertility clinic.

I just can't stop thinking about it and thinking how I'm 29 and it may very well never ever happen for us. The thought consumes me everyday :-(

OP posts:
Showy · 23/02/2015 11:31

It is so very difficult I know. Try to remember that it is normal for it to take 12 months to conceive. When the world and her sister are seemingly falling pregnant just by brushing up against a fertile man in the street, it can seem like you're truly never going to have a baby. Realistically, your chances of conceiving if you do everything right, have sex at exactly the right moment and you are both in peak physical fitness, are never more than 25%. That is why you can expect it to take 12 months to fall pregnant. Chances are that having both experienced normal fertility in the past, you have normal fertility now. If there is something happening then it is also likely to be something which they can treat. That's if there's a problem in the first place.

Take good care of your mental health. You deserve to be in a tip top condition and excited about your future together. Starting pregnancy when mentally well will benefit you in the long term.

It took me 14 months and two miscarriages to have my first. There was nothing 'wrong'. At 12 months in, I threw myself into learning a new skill (slr photography and developing my own photographs) as I recognised I needed to channel my yearning into something with a positive and achievable outcome as I was driving myself potty. It's fucking annoying when somebody tells you to concentrate on something else or try and relax as you can't and won't but having been there, I do know that for my own wellbeing, I had to do something beyond the hellish cyclical nature of trying and failing to conceive. It's worth considering.

And finally, I promise you. I absolutely, completely promise you that you did not cause this by having a termination. You are not being punished. I know it crosses your mind. You did NOTHING wrong.

hopelessjobseeker · 23/02/2015 11:36

If you've been having regular 2/3 times a week piv and nothing's happened for over 12 months then that warrants going to your GP.

Are you eating a healthy diet?

Are you overweight?

Are either of you smokers?

Does he wear tight shorts?

There are so many things that can effect fertility.

Get an ovulation tester and try to see if you are ovulating. Keep track of your cycle. Do your temperature every day. Monitor your cervical mucus. All these things will help you become more aware of your body.

Good luck!

Original poster
samily236 · 23/02/2015 11:39

Thank you so much for your kind words. Everyone is telling me to relax and not worry and saying "it'll happen" and I just want to scream as I can't relax or believe it will happen right now. It's so bloody difficult when everyone around me pregnant or getting pregnant and I have to put on a brave face and not cry in jealousy.
And yes your right I do believe I'm being punished for the termination, I've been googling loads of things to see If it can reduce your fertility but as far as I can see there isn't any solid proof that it effects anything.
I just want it to happen as we are both so desperate :-(

OP posts:
Original poster
samily236 · 23/02/2015 11:43

Hi hopelessjobseeker
Thanks for the advice. I am currently waiting for an appointment with the fertility clinic to be tested. My boyfriend has had a sperm sample tested and that was fine.
We are both physically fit and athletic
Neither of us smoke
We both eat healthy most of the time, my partner is a physical training instructor in the army so fitness is very prominent in our lifestyle.
I'm probably way too emotional over it and thinking far too deeply, it's just so hard

OP posts:
Trickytricky · 23/02/2015 11:56

Hi OP. I can't imagine how you feel and wanted to post (rather than read and run). I've had a few friends who have said it's taken them a while to conceive and when I ask how regularly they're DTD I'm shocked at how infrequently they're doing it.

Without prying how often are you and your DP DTD? My DH and I were trying for 3 months and on the fourth month we decided to DTD every other day for the whole month. That's the thing that did it for us. I know it's hard to DTD that often when you're so fixated on wanting to get pregnant but try and enjoy just DTD. I wish you all the best of luck.

Original poster
samily236 · 23/02/2015 12:01

...Sorry this site is brand new to me so I don't know what all the abbreviations mean??

OP posts:
Trickytricky · 23/02/2015 12:05

Sorry!

OP - opening poster
DP - darling partner
DTD - doing the deed (ie sex!).

cymonsarah · 23/02/2015 12:50

Samily236 - I really feel for you. Do you check when you are ovulating? I'm going to try yoga to relax and take my mind off of it.

Can anyone reccommended an app/website/ techniques for charting your temperature? Been trying for a few months, Bfn yesterday :/ Would just like to start researching this.

Thanks everyone x

Original poster
samily236 · 23/02/2015 15:55

Oh ok thank you for explaining the abbreviations for me.
Without being too open lol my partner was away with the army for three Months at the beginning of last year and when he came home in June we had alot to catch up on lol and we were DTD almost every day for about 3-4 weeks, I'm not saying we are like that all the time cos ya know we have lives and that lol but now when he's based close to home so we see eachother a few times a week either at home or we meet at hotels in the middle like we always have done since we got together we probably DTD 3-4 times a week and still nothing. So annoying!!
I Blame the depo injection. I was on it for 4 years with no breaks as it wasn't suggested by my doctors and I've been if it for two years now. Is it natural to not conceive for this long after or has it messed me up??

OP posts:
cymonsarah · 23/02/2015 21:30

From what I've read and heard it is totally normal for it to take this long. x

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