3 yr old with separated parents. Considering TTC and worried...

[AKP79]

Hi

I have a 3yo, I'm separated from his father who is engaged to someone else and he lives with her and her 3 children aged 7, 8 and 10.

I've recently remarried and we are talking about trying for a baby. My husband has always wanted a large family and I had always seen myself having two or three children.

My 3yo adores my husband and has a very special relationship with him, he sees his dad on alternate weekends and has half of the holidays there too.

We would like to start TTC, but I am wracked with worry on so many levels and wanted some mumsnet words of wisdom. My ex left me when my DS was only a few weeks old and cited my pre and post natal depression as the reason (the real reason was he was an alcoholic who was having an affair with another woman and while I was depressed the grass was definitely greener). I can think rationally about it now, but it scares me and I'm scared of being pregnant and being depressed.

Coupled with that I am mostly worried about the impact a new baby will have on my DS. My DS is my world and I have worked very hard at making him the happy content boy he is, but he does struggle with adjusting between two homes and acts up a lot when he returns. I'm worried DS will feel rejected if there's a new baby and that he will feel even worse when he has to go off to stay with his dad and the baby stays with us.

On the flip side I'm worried he'll hate the new baby and as he is the 'baby' in his dad's family set up will gravitate towards there and will feel happier at his dad's.

At the moment, my DS is my priority and getting it right for him comes first. Has anyone else got good and bad experiences they'd be happy to share?

Perhaps being the big brother will make a nice change, and add to his sense of self, iyswim.

I can understand your being worried about PNT again, but you will be so much more aware this time, and are presumably in a loving and supportive marriage, which will help no matter what.

There's always a chance that he'll get a little bit jealous or put out at first, but it will only be a phase.

There are so many books around aimed at children of your DS's age. Perhaps you could start by reading some of these before you even mention the idea of a baby to him.

And if you/DH have younger siblings (and get on) you could talk to him about how special those relationships are,and happy things that you did together, growing up.

You might get more traffic from people with experience if you post in step families.