TTC Madness: That moment when you're...

[frazzledtofun]

... rifling through the bin just in case that BFN has changed into a BFP in the hour since you tested... at 6DPO

...examining the raw egg you're about to scramble with something akin to wonder as you stretch it between forefinger and thumb. Wow 4 inches!

...desperately deleting your iPad search history ("cervical mucous at implantation. photos") before your DH borrows it

...wondering if the new pack of 50 IC HPTs is going to be enough to get you through

...marking time by CD and DPO - "oh yes we saw them on 3DPO, so I can cook the salmon on 5DPO when I will also start POAS"

...knocking an elderly aunt to the floor as you race to get to the bathroom to remove the pot of wee / OPK / HPT languishing on the side of the sink

Or is it just me?

Lol! It is definitely not just u! (Maybe not the aunty bit )

...happily publishing details of your gassiness on the internet with breakdown by dpo.

...block booking a whole week around ovulation for dtd (and wriggling out of any social occasion for this)

...checking the colour of every "wipe" from around 3dpo onwards

So glad this isn't just me!!!

...listening to someone who is pregnant telling you how a supplement of ground up bull penis/ only eating raw beetroots/ having one's eyebrows scratched miraculously brought on pregnancy and taking a mental note to try this wonder recipe next cycle.

Lol! YES Reni

Also add:

... Surreptitiously prodding your boobs every now and then from 5DPO
... Noting every twinge and ache or pain and googling "pregnancy symptom: sore left big toe / itchy shoulder / not fancying second helping at dinner"

turning every little thing into a possible pregnancy symptom, and googling said symptom and only reading the pages that say it is a symptom and ignoring the rest
Glad it's not just me

marking dates on your pissed on OPK sticks to compare....

Yes, Frazzled and Mrsc, the dreaded symptom spotting , I do that.

...calculating EDD immediately after +opk

...waking in the middle of the night and sticking a thermometer in your gob (and then realising it's actually 4am and pondering do you ignore that temp and try again at 6?) But it says 3 hours unbroken sleep! Argh!

Brilliant thread - keep them coming!

Logging onto Fertility Friend/Ovia (or other app) for the millionth time that day, on the off chance that you have miraculously progressed from 7dpo to 13dpo (and can therefore legitimately poas) in the space of a couple of hours.

Googling variations of 'pregnancy test how early positive' just in case there IS a website out there that tells you it's ok ( and indeed possible) to poas and get a bfp at just 5dpo.

Ah I love these. I feel so mental when I do these! My favourite thing to google now is 'detailed pregnancy test calculator'

... Wondering if DM is a superhero with the special power to detect pregnancy because she asked 'are you pregnant' even tho she doesn't know I'm ttc. Surely it is possible with all that mothers intuition stuff - even if it is only 2dpo! Maybe I ready the opk wrong and I'm actual 10 dpo. Maybe I have a bean with telepathy powers linked only to my DM. Or maybe I'm going crazy.

Mary I love that one, I do that... feeling saner reading these!

... Narky at dh for throwing out the (negative) early pregnancy test because it might get more positive given a few more minutes and then it would be the first evidence of a new life

And that's without realising and acknowledging that I was actually the one who chucked it - oops

You can read and understand the following:

TTC #1 1st cycle since stopping bc. Af arrived so it's cd1, will dtd eod after AF goes, will look for a ewcm and a + opk around cd12, will then dtd ed, cue manic sx spotting in the tww, will poas (ic hpt) at 10dpo, feel then af will be late, so will poas again (FRer) and get a bfp. Yay!

Doing an extra opk each day just in case the LH surge is happening NOW and wasn't when you last poas.

Yes, Mary! The 40+ thread just reminded me of another:

...lying in bed, bum raised after dtd pondering: stay here for half an hour, swimmers are in, bladder infection; go to the loo now, bladder fine, swimmers gone.

All of the above great thread, thank you for making me feel sane!

All of the above, plus:

-Switching to decaf coffee on 2DPO, just in case.
-Playing around with settings on FertilityFriend to force the red cross onto your chart...
-Thinking about when you'd go on maternity leave on 3DPO.

It's utter madness.

... eating things you'd never thought of as food before. Pineapple core or uncooked yams, anyone?

The big 'O' no longer means what it used to!

imposing a wank ban on DH as to not waste any precious sperm!