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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

How on earth do you know?!

20 replies

Lookingforadvice123 · 16/02/2015 10:04

Hi all

I'm generally an anxious person and my new thing to get anxious about is - will I ever be ready to TTC?! I'm 27 and got married a year ago and DH and I are very happy. DH is a couple of years older, and would be ready to TTC now if I was but is generally relaxed about the whole thing.

If I fell pregnant accidentally now, I know we would be happy. But I just can't imagine ever actively decided to TTC, and say goodbye to our lives as we know it. I feel like the only way it will happen is if I fell pregnant accidentally and just had to deal with it.

How on earth did you all know that you were really ready?

OP posts:

frazzledtofun · 16/02/2015 10:12

For me it has always been the one thing i knew I wanted above all else. I was thinking about babies, dreaming about babies, worrying about babies literally almost 24/7 for years before we got married and then I was like FINALLY!!!!!!!

So for me, I was born ready! Just had to wait for circumstances to catch up with me. It was at a point when there was literally nothing I wouldn't have given up to have a baby of my own.

However I know not everyone has such certainty and sheer primal drive to be with child. I think you should try to relax and if you can not obsess about it then make the most of it. Perhaps wait a couple of years you have time and then see how you feel. I was 29 when I had my first and am now TTC number 2.

There is NEVER a perfect, right time to have a baby and you will, in many ways, never be fully prepared even if you are as desperate as I was. I know it's a cliche but you have to listen to your heart.

mrsfazruns · 16/02/2015 11:41

I felt like this!! I have one DS from a previous relationship who is due to turn 18 soon! I am only 32 and my DH is 25 and we both said when we got married we didn't want more children! He changed his mind last year and it came to a point in our relationship where we had to make the choice of kids or end our marriage as DH got so broody (and other outside factors that made him see he wanted one of his own)

ANYWAY - i really really felt like you - i didn't want to give up my life as I know it - i didn't want to make the sacrifices and I couldn't think go going back to nappies - so decided just to stop using contraception rather than "TTC" - i fell pregnant first month and I could not have been happier!! The feelings of not knowing and not wanting life to change were a distant memory!! Unfortunatly I miscarried just before christmas but it made me see what I want and how amazing a family is!! SO we are now "TTC" .... officially! Its such a big decision to make an only you can - its scary - but will be worth it when the time is right for you!

LuckyBlackKitty · 16/02/2015 11:46

I have felt like this but have recently turned a corner and now feel ready. I am a little older than you OP (34).
For me it has been seeing a lot of my friends and my DSis have children and seeing the joy they give.
I am still a little nervous but it is more excited nervousness. We are going to TTC after a big holiday in a few months. Eeek!
Give yourself time OP - it's a big decision.

Choccyhobnob · 16/02/2015 12:47

I was exactly the same when I was about 26 or 27, got married at 23 and DH was always quite anti kids and it didn't really bother me. Got to 28 and something just clicked, think it was the number of people around me having children and I just kept thinking of all the experiences I wanted to have with my own children. We tried for a year and nothing happened so took a break and booked a big holiday. You can guess what happened next! I'm 10 weeks today....lol

Original poster

Lookingforadvice123 · 16/02/2015 14:45

Yes I definitely think it would help if one of my friends had a baby! None of my close circle are anywhere near close to having one, and actually only one person I would class as a friend has one and she is a good few years older.

Tempted to start tampering with my friends' contraception so one of them will fall pregnant

OP posts:

KnitFastDieWarm · 16/02/2015 15:07

Hi OP, I'm the same age as you, also with a slightly older DH (He's 30) and like you I was all in a lather about whether there would ever be a 'right time'. We started trying in January and MY GOODNESS it's now all I can think about! So I am a tad biased but I'd say go for it if you are both keen.

Be warned that while it might happen first time you try (I have a friend who got pregnant with twins LITERALLY first shag after coming off the pill ) it doesn't always. I think the average time to conceive at our age is about 6 months - so you'd likely have that time, plus another 9 months to get used to the idea before you actually had to wrangle a baby! One of the great advantages of starting at this age is that if god forbid there are any fertility issues, it gives you more time to get them sorted out.

auroraboringalis · 16/02/2015 15:26

I didn't ever feel ready. Still don't even though I have one now.
Miss my old life a lot. Love my DC but god I miss my old life. Hate the drudgery, but utterly love seeing the development and trust. Lots of fun too at times. Not so much at others.
Old age caught up with us and the decision was to wait and see if we are ever ready in which case it might be too late and then we'd have to make another decision about ivf or adoption. Or just go off contraception and see what happens. DC happened. Wouldn't undo dc at all ( and the future dcs we are trying for now so as to have siblings for dc), but if I'd have to do it over I might choose to stay selfish and live my own life and not my dc's. Fwiw.
Remember

auroraboringalis · 16/02/2015 15:28

Damn posted too soon. Remember that it isn't wrong to not want kids. You don't have a responsibility to anyone or yourself. My guess is that you will know when you get there if you get there. Don't think about until you THINK about it iyswim.

Original poster

Lookingforadvice123 · 16/02/2015 16:44

Thank you for your reply aurora it's refreshing to hear someone to be so honest! I know I definitely want children. That is, I want a family with DH. But I have to admit I thought I would feel a lot more ready at 27! Maybe not ready to TTC but at least could picture myself feeling ready in the next year or so. Not so much!

OP posts:

lildottie · 16/02/2015 17:18

I started ttc at 28 when I was "ready" and "financially secure" over 2 years later I've just got a bfp from our first ivf only to find out today I've had a cp so we are vmback to square one. at 27 you think you have so much time ahead of you, but with fertility you don't. so my advice wouldn't be to see if you can picture yourself with children or being ready. but can you picture yourself without. if you could live with finding out you left it too late, then by all means wait a bit, but if the thought of never having your own child terrifies you as it did me then what have you got to lose. fwiw I have high fertility and got 11 eggs from ivf with dhs sperm back in normal range at fertilisation and we're still in this position. unless you have a crystal ball you just don't know how lucky you'll be.

ginghambingham · 16/02/2015 17:43

Slightly different perspective - I was never ready, or my partner wasn't. Not totally against parenthood - but kept putting it off. Parents would be disappointed if I did it too soon (waste of an education)... House not big enough... job too exhausting... Relationship maybe not stable enough - and in the flash of an eye (it seems) I'm in my 40s and still no kids. Trying - but honestly, I so wish I'd tried earlier and thought "to hell with all the doubts". Don't know if that helps - but that's where needing to be 100% sure has got me.

adora1985 · 16/02/2015 18:03

Up until being 25 I wasn't ready. I wasn't adamant I didn't want children, and my husband was happy with this. Then one day I woke up and desperately wanted a family with children in it. It really dos happen like that for me, something just clicked into place. We started ttc soon after and I had two mcs. Four years later we're still trying-I needed a break after the 2nd mc, and then my husband didn't want to start ttc again until he was closer to 30, so we've been trying again for the last 6 months, and unfortunately in that time it looks like I've developed issues relating to PCOS, which is making matters much more difficult for us.
It really was something that hair clicked one day. I had times before-such as when my DH was diagnosed with cancer early in our relationship-where it did concern me that we wouldn't be able to have our own children, but it wasn't the same feeling as I have now,which is a desperate,urgent, consuming need. It's hard to explain if you've not experienced it, but it's all consuming, and much different than considering having a baby as a concept, it really becomes a need.
I wouldn't advise anyone to rush into something they know they're not ready for, but I'd encourage anyone who's on the cusp to get on with ttc. I naively thought it would happen straight away, and the emotional and mental impact when it doesn't is huge, and maybe could have been lessened if we'd just kept on with it the first time at 25.

auroraboringalis · 16/02/2015 19:52

lil !!!

lildottie · 16/02/2015 20:10

I know. can't believe we're here aurora after everything but life's a bitch!

MyBlackCat · 16/02/2015 20:59

I was never really bothered about children, in fact most people who know me would prob be shocked if they knew we are ttc. I'm 33 and 15 months ago we decided we wanted to start our own family. It's was Christmas time and Christmas just seemed to be so boring as adults! I fell pg after 4 months and was petrified about what we had done and how life would change. Unfortunately I had a mc at 10 weeks, we have been trying since but have not been lucky. It now scares me that this may not happen for us when just a couple of years ago I was a bit take it or leave it. I wish we had started earlier, I worry now that if we are lucky it may only be one that we have as I'm not sure I would want to go through this again. My advice is that if you picture yourself with kids in your future to get started and be prepared for an emotional roller coaster x

Hobbit19 · 16/02/2015 21:06

Just seen this lil ??

Hobbit19 · 16/02/2015 21:07

Original poster

Lookingforadvice123 · 16/02/2015 21:36

Lildottie im sorry to hear what you and your DP have been through it's positive to hear that your ivf round was successful but I wish it had worked out differently, fingers and toes crossed that you have a successful second round, if you try again.

Thanks to everyone else for their replies. Tbh I was expecting the consensus to be "you're young, you have plenty of time" etc etc, which is what I tend to get told in RL (probs down to the fact that my friends also aren't at the stage where they're ready to TTC, as well as the fact I'm the youngest of my colleagues). However I've been feeling myself that 27 is not that young, my Adam seems to think I should get a move on as it took her a while to conceive.

Praying that within the next year I'll get the biological urge!!!

OP posts:

scatterbrainedlass · 17/02/2015 09:30

Yeah, I married at 23, DH is 4 months older than me. I think we always talked about having children, but in the future, we had no desire at the time. I slowly started coming around to the idea, thinking that maybe when I was 25 we should start trying, but nothing happened. Over the past 6-12 months I had been thinking more and more about it, if I had accidentally fallen pregnant I would have been over the moon, but taking the step to purposely start TTC was a huge one for me. We have finally decided that we should just go ahead and do it, we can't keep waiting for the 'right time' cos that'll never happen. I've literally just turned 28 and we're on cycle 1 this month.

It was something that happened gradually for me, from a 'yeah, one day, I'd quite like children', to over the last few months constantly imagining what it would be like to have a baby, wanting to be a family, and I'm happy to say, OH is reasonably happy about the idea!! In his words 'I'd not be too bothered if it never happened' but I think deep down he'd be chuffed to become a dad.

I think it'll happen, but probably not like someone flicked a switch. If you think you should start TTC due to your age then I'd say go ahead, it most likely won't happen straight away, so like someone else has already said, you'll have a few months to get used to the idea, and once you start TTC, you get a bit hooked!!

jellypi3 · 17/02/2015 13:39

I have to echo what everyone else has said OP. There's never a "right" time. You just decide if it's what you want.

I'm a bit younger than you (24 verging on 25) and my DP and I are getting married next year, and should probably be waiting until the wedding before TTC. But we know we want a family more than anything right now, and it helps that I have friends who are having babies. We both just knew it was what we wanted, so we just started and haven't stopped since August last year (without success yet).

I can say this much though, don't get stressed. I am far too much of a worryer and I analyse every little thing, which causes stress to shoot up and has an impact on your life. I am taking a much more relaxed approach this month (sort of) and hoping that helps.

Good luck to you both x

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