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Original poster

Do you lose your identity after you have kids?

9 replies

Bebebuttons94 · 21/01/2015 23:04

Thinking of ttc with #1 was just wandering, do you lose your identity after you have kids, is that it for finding/creating yourself? Opinions please:)

OP posts:
mustbemad71 · 21/01/2015 23:11

It is completely life-changing without a doubt! My girls are teenagers now and I've got time for myself again but you do have to be selfless pretty much 24/7 and that takes some getting used to! However being a mum is my greatest achievement and here I am going for it again! Just make sure you find some like-minded NCT/antenatal chums who want to chat about topics other than their DCs and put your relationship with your OH first - that's where I went wrong. Good lucks and I hope I haven't put you off! Smile

HollyBdenum · 21/01/2015 23:12

I don't think that I lost my identity, but having children changed me, so my identity isn't the same as it was. I also had far less time and money do some of the things that I thought were vital to my identity turned out to be things that I was able other rosin without regrets. My youngest child is now five, so I'm starting to have time to do more things, and I'm finding that the person I am deep down has stayed the same,with similar tastes and values and interests and desires, but pared down quite a lot. So I suppose, in a way, I actually have a stronger sf of who I am because I've had to make more choices about how to allocate my time/resources.

HollyBdenum · 21/01/2015 23:14

Gah! Sorry about the fat fingers. The other rosin thing was meant to say "that I was able to jettison" and "stronger sf" should have been stronger sense".

gallicgirl · 21/01/2015 23:17

Sure as hell felt like it for a while. It's taken a few years to find myself again and get used to new facets of my personality.
Perhaps doesn't help that I was an older first time mum and quite self-assured. All of a sudden I wasn't in control and didn't have a clue what I was doing.

LucidCamel · 21/01/2015 23:20

Lose? No. Change? Thoroughly.

allchatnicknamesgone · 22/01/2015 13:34

No, you don't lose your identity, you gain another one.

Be warned, you will never be able to be sick again and lie in bed looking after yourself.

suboptimal · 22/01/2015 13:37

Not at all, but it changes. For the better.

mrsmugoo · 22/01/2015 16:08

If I'm honest I did sort of lose my identity in the early months as I EBF and co-slept so I was with my DS 24/7, had absolutely no social life and no sex drive so my only "pleasure" in life (other than my gorgeous son) was eating!

He's 10 months now and I've finished BF and he sleeps at least 11 hours continuously at night so I am starting to be able to do more things as he is now "independent" from me - BUT my identity has 100% changed. I'm not the person I was was. It's taken me a while to accept the new me, but now I have, I know I'm a zillion times the woman I once was. I'm even desperately broody for no2 because I just love being a Mother so much.

Original poster
Bebebuttons94 · 22/01/2015 21:06

Thanks everyone, your comments have given me some insight really looking forward to becoming a mother

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