Long term abuse effecting the possibiltys of having children

[JessicaEmilyy45]

* Sorry for the length and may be triggering to some*

Hello,

I am very much new to this and am not currently wanting children but do in the future. This may be a strange one for many people but i am in need of advice or to know of someone who has gone through something similar.

From approx 10 months old to the age of 15 i suffered severe abuse within my family. This includes emotional, physical, and sexual abuse and also two assaults. I have been in therapy most of my life as you can probably imagine and on once discussing things with my doctor mentioned children in the future for myself as it was the main reason i fought through what i did and was determined to keep going. I was told by the doctor that because i had been so frightened all my life and other issues my body may reject pregnancy due to my stress levels. It was not an issue at the time as i was only young and i was planning to tackle my issues before getting pregnant and also these were much further in the future goals anyway.

A few years ago i fell pregnant. Here comes the controversial bit
I decided to have the pregnancy terminated early as i felt it would be easier on myself and my partner instead of loosing the baby later on.
All through the beginning of my pregnancy i was in excruciating pain and had a lot of bleeding which led me to believe i had already lost the baby.

At my appointment i mentioned this to the nurse and we did a pregnancy test that came back positive so she suggested i go ahead with the termination.

It is now around 3 years later and though i am not ready for a baby just yet i still have those dreams of my own family and theres not a day that goes by when i don't think of just that. My health both mental and physical is doing really well and i am working every day to improve things and only have a small amount of OCD to work on leaving me to feel id like it to happen in the next couple of years.

I spoke to my therapist about everything and she completely understood (and also mentioned that my termination was not handled correctly as the pregnancy test can still show positive even though i may have lost the baby,which is what i thought.) I am very keen on Buddhism,yoga and meditation and currently do it twice a day to get my stress levels down to a good place. Saying that, I am now terrified that when i want to become pregnant again i will loose the baby or if i don't straight away i will just be frightened through the whole pregnancy and will be waiting for something to happen.

The basics and how i had it explained is that my body just couldn't cope with anymore due to my abuse and i guess when i fell pregnant it just rejected the pregnancy which is like my doctor suggested.

Has anyone had any experience like this at all as i cannot find anything online? I understand nobody will be able to give me an answer in doctors terms but i just wondered if anyone had been through something similar as i am in such a confusing time.

Thank you
and
Happy New year!!

xox

Hi, I don't claim to have all the answers but understanding the abuser/s can help. Knowing their reasons for the ill treatment (often Narcissistic Personality Disorder - see Sam Vaknin on Youtube for great pointers and info) can help you recover too. I too had a lot of abuse and although not recovered totally I am much better regarding understanding it. It dissolves a lot of tension to know. Good luck with your future life

Thank you for your message!

I am recovering well from the abuse and fully understand why my abusers did what they did. I also only have very minimal problems now in the form of OCD.

Thank you for the well wishes

Hi Jessica, didn't want to read & run and don't have all the answers but hoping a bit of experience could help with something; my mum suffered the same childhood as yourself with abuse lasting well into her adult years at the hands of her husband. She has 5 grown up children conceived during this time of mental & physical abuse.

I would say the mental block unhelpfully given to you by your therapist has put fear & doubt in your ability to conceive & carry full term. You are a strong woman, evident by the fact you came on here & laid your history out to a group of strangers & it is this strength that you need to believe in. The mind can be a powerful thing, don't let it pull you down a road of negativity & doubt. Had the therapist not said that, I imagine you would never have thought it.

If you still have difficulty changing your mindset, I've heard homeopathy is great for treating you holistically (spiritually & physically) and She Oak is a great remedy for helping the body overcome mental barriers where a woman believes she can't complete a pregnancy (I took this as I too feared my body's ability, but due to an illness in my teens not abuse).

It may be a long road but it will sure as hell be worth it. Good luck x

Hello,

Thank you for your kind message.

It wasn't actually my therapist that told me but my doctor. Also a couple of different people in different professions also understood why my doctor had said that. My wellbeing was in a bit of a mess because I was so frightened all the time and couldn't let up. I can sort of understand it too especially when my fears were confirmed with the miscarriage.

I will definitely look into that remedy, thank you!

I have never heard of childhood abuse affecting someone's ability to conceive or carry a baby due to mental trauma, and I am a survivor of childhood abuse who also works as a healthcare professional

I suspect your doctor gave you a personal opinion rather than an actual medical diagnosis.

Hello,

Hello,

It is hard to explain.

It's not really the mental health side of it or the 'after effects' of abuse. It was because I was so frightened all the time and was constantly shaking and in a mess. It's hard to explain without actually picturing the state I was in at the time. It was more the stress my body was under I think.

It may help you to get the gp to refer you than obstetrician/gynaecologist just to talk to. I am concerned that one dr saying you may lose a baby due to stres is what is making you be concerned for pregnancy. Talking this through with an expert will give you real facts and evidence. Bearing in mind many people suffer miscarriages with no trauma - it is not unusual - and many people bleed in pregnancy and have healthy babies.

Due to physical issues I met with a consultant to talk throug concerns which helped. Had to wait a long time as obviously not urgent but it helped.

Hello,

Thank you. That may be the best idea. I didn't think I should as I am not planning on pregnancy just yet but it might be best so I can stop constantly thinking about all this

It can take up to 18 weeks to see a consultant so by time made a gp apt to ask could be 4-5 months. Just because you are not planning to currently the correct, specialist aid de about whether fear/stress/anxiety can cause miscarriage and what causes miscarriages and how common they are/not for the population your age may help you in your family planning.