Losing Hope

[custardcreamdream]

Firstly, apologies for being so negative, given that it's the season of goodwill, and all. But I feel really shit and I'm pretty sure this is the only place I'll find people who understand.

I've been ttc for about 2.5 years now. I'll be 38 in a few months, which apparently is the next age bracket which brings terrible portents of infertility doom according to doctors. I'm in the middle of a bunch of fertility tests (just my ultrasound to go), and nothing appears to be wrong. I'm just Not. Getting. Pregnant. I'd somehow feel better if there was an actual problem, which implies there would be a solution.

I've gone through all sorts of stages over the last few years. Elation. Disappointment. Sending myself a bit loopy testing all the time. Symptom checking. Eating incredibly well and not drinking anything. Trying to stay positive because you know, that matters, right?

But now I've just completely run out of positivity. I just don't think it's going to happen any more. I'm back to drinking wine and whatever throughout the month, because being good made no difference. Oh, and Every Single Woman I know appears to be pregnant, damn them!

I don't really know what the point of this message is! I just wanted to say...BLEURGH! Infertility sucks.

Thanks for listening :)

I feel your pain!

Im 31 and my partner is 28, we have been ttc for about 18 months. We haven't been strict with regards to calculating days until recently but i have been finding it such an emotional roller-coaster.

Im having my bloods taken this week to make sure i am actually ovulating so i guess that's our first step to trying a little bit harder. I am also taking a multi vitamin with folic acid (seven seas - trying for a baby) and our next thing is taking ginseng (especially good for the men apparently) However i honestly though that with us both being healthy, young(ish) individuals we wouldnt have any problems. How wrong am i....

Last month i was 12 days late - this is it i though... im going to be a momma but NO.... mother nature showed up!

It can be very hard to remain positive and also just as hard to not allow it to consume your every thought... you arent alone though. I heard a little birdy say that sometimes when you stop trying to conceive it actually happens... maybe just have lots of sex... especially the 3 days before you are due to ovulate and know in your heart that it will happen when the time is right. Thats what im trying to do.

I hope this perks you up a little xx

I feel your pain too!! Have a dd just turned 5 who was conceived very easily. In February we will have been trying for 4 years for another with not even a hint of a pregnancy! Have identified my dh now has a low sperm count, and I have no other identified problems except my age.. Nearly 42.
Have kind of given up hope!

Keep at it. Hopefully in a way they will find a problem you can treat and you may well get lucky!

Thanks for taking the time to reply, both - it is strangely rewarding to put your problems out there and have complete strangers sympathise!

liltoni83, that sucks. You never think infertility will happen to you, do you, and it comes as a massive shock when you realise things aren't just going to fall into place. I've only ever been a day or so late, and I know how much I got my hopes up and how badly disappointed I was afterwards - 12 days must have really got you going, so sorry for that :( It's good that you're getting your bloods done though - you'll be in the system now and if anything turns out to be not quite right, steps can be taken to fix it. Onward and upwards!

Mouldypineapple, it must be really difficult when you already have a child, and then still get hit with infertility. Surely after you've had one, your fertility is proven, right?! It must be a bit of a shock when that doesn't work out. And I'd bet my month's salary you get tons of people saying 'helpful' things like 'oh well, you've got one child so you should be happy with that...'. I definitely have a dream of having two children and I would find it very hard if I could only have one (ha! I even feel bad just writing that. But it's true!).

I'd like to try to be more positive because I feel like being negative and stressed reduces my chances. But I'm not really a touchy feely 'positive mantra' kinda person. Perhaps I need to make a list of things that make me happy and relaxed (e.g. walks in the peaks) and try and fill my life with those in the next few months...

Good luck to both of you, and thanks for perking me up just by sympathising :)

custardcream have you tried acupuncture? I'm only 1.5 cycles in so I can't tell you its been our magic bullet sadly but I hear such good things about it online in relation to fertility.

I am 40 in Feb and taking a shed load of supplements daily in the hope of improving egg quality. I've had two miscarriages this year so I know we can get pregnant, im just struggling to stay pregnant.

Wishing you loads and loads of luck xx

Thanks NewEra - it's funny you mention acupuncture...I've been thinking about it a lot in the last few weeks. Even if it didn't directly affect my fertility, I'd be less stressed, right?

It would also be good to find something positive to do. How did you find your acupuncturist?

So sorry to hear about your mcs - I really hope everything works out for you. x

Whereabouts are you? I found my acu lady my just googling my area with fertility acupuncturist and a few came up but I really liked the sound of her.

She works in hospitals and has qualifications galore including through Zita West. I think ZW has a bit on her website where she links to approved fertility acupuncturists.

I really want up come back and say that it worked for me, but at the moment I can only say that it can't hurt and seems to be doing wonders for an unrelated condition I can notice on a daily basis, well actually she has sorted out both a shoulder issue and positively affected my rosacea symptoms too.