Dear Santa, we've been a bit naughty in all the right ways, & given our husbands plenty of lays, we don't need presents under our tree's, we'd all be happy to get BFPs!! Love the Viroids....JSing 34!!

[lildottie]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 33 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2237187-The-home-of-sporn-lovers-and-cunthawks-make-sure-the-ewcm-is-coming-from-the-right-hole-and-don-your-capes-but-dont-put-parsley-up-your-chuff-for-JUST-SHAGGING-Part-33?" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2243337-Hop-aboard-the-good-ship-JS-Grads-for-its-sweet-16th-pregnancy-party-Don-your-party-hats-grab-a-bouncy-ball-and-quaff-copious-amounts-of-raspberry-leaf-to-celebrate-our-coming-of-age" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="//www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Only on phone with crap signal but HURRAY Indigo!! Please rub your preggo vibes on me!! Chuffed for you

Indigo you better be the first in a long line of Christmas bfps!

Also, guess you now need to invent that stool for preggo hoof trimmers!

Hi lovely ladies, please may I join you? Mahoosive congrats Indigo, exciting stuff! I've never posted on MN before and this is my first time TTC so bit nervous all round.

Aww guys I'm overwhelmed by all your lovely messages

Just had a catch up from yesterday!

lemon sorry to hear you think the witch is there. Brown isn't always bad as can be IB, what's the situation now?

mustbe that's shit for you too. I know it must feel lovely having a couple of kids already "in the bag" so to speak, but there's no harm in wanting one more with your DP! Plenty of folk much older than you get upduffed and there's no reason why not, it's so common to have later babies these days.

candy hope you are bearing up. Glad to hear things are getting a bit easier as time goes on

kez keeping GX for you this month too, what cd are you on?

tink - wow! Was not expecting that! Before you explained I too was going to ask re Cushing's but see it's something else. How crazy that that may have been the problem with not getting your BFP all along. It would be so cool if you and lil get your BFP's together! Bet you just want to get the cape going now you can start the medication for pituitary?! GX the swimmers are ok and then sounds like you are good to go

lil you definitely need the credit for this one!! Everyone get lil to analyse your chart and let the BFP's roll in!

noniks consider yourself dusted with BFP powder, you might want to Hoover some off actually as I put quite a lot on...

Just hope it sticks. I've seen all too often that it doesn't, and it's kinda preventing me from feeling all that real about it in a way. But that's probably my own way of keeping myself safe incase it's not a sticky one. GX it is!

Ha ha honey! I'm gonna need that for sure!

This Fred is turning out a bit better than the last one in terms of BFP's I reckon, lil has done a good job in encouraging the Christmas BFP's to come shyly out the cupboard

Hi Muddy! Welcome!

So, sad times here! I have finished oitnb. and dh came home early from work with his cold. I don't think there will be any cape action tonight. We did DTD yesterday, and hoping to tomorrow... I really hope we aren't out this month because of no DTD tonight. I'm a bit crampy now I think of it.

So I'm watching the finale of BSG to feel better... But I forgot about the feels! So many feels!

I'm cd25 indigo. I don't really think this is my month - no idea why. Thank you for the gx though....!

Don't even know if I ovulated and I'm not using charts, temping or contraband because I don't want to get worked up and stress out. I'm JS' ING and that's how I'll stay for the foreseeable future she says now, will probably change once i hit the ttc for 6 months

No signs of the witch arriving just yet though!

indigo you little beauty! Many congratulations!

Welcome muddy lots of luck on.your ttc journey x

i've spent all day watching season 1 of OITNB!! it's great!

welcome muddy :)

gonna restart temping again in light of the BFN, and just wait till the tide appears!!

It's taken me so long to catch up on the last few days of posts you chatty viroids!

Massive congratulations indigo, I hope this is the start of lots of Christmas BFPs.

jelly don't lose hope yet. There was definitely something on the test you posted, it might have been an evap line but perhaps try a frer on the weekend?

Think I've missed my opportunity this month and iced while on night shifts, but hoping to get my cape on and at least get practicing for this month. With opposite shifts I think I'll win worst SOTM. In fact I should probably make my own thread called "just not shagging".

Thanks for all the welcomes you lovely lot I'm on CD2 of first TTC cycle so will be dtd for first time next week. Slightly terrified, but in a good way. Any of you lot remember your first TTC session? I feel like a scared teenage virgin gearing up for prom.

Just to clarify not a teenage virgin, am 29 and vaguely know what I doing

YEY indigo

CONGRATS INDIGO WOOOOOO!!!

Excellent shagging Do you really think the pressed helped? Lil, if I decide to start a chart I'm definitely coming to you!

Love OITNB. Alex is sooo sexy and I luff her. It's just brilliantly written, as well.

Welcome to the mad house, Muddy!

Honey whats BSG?

Still thinking of you, JC

Tink hope the treatment helps. Would be lovely if you and Lil become BFP twins!

AF is here, at least I think so. I only think so because i bought a mooncup today, put it in and realised the stem was too long. After much struggling managed to take it out again to cut the stem, and then put it back in, only to realise the stem was still too long. Tried to get it out for about 5 mins, and then gave up. My nails are long (I'm growing them) so trying to get it out was hurting, and now I don't know what to do!!!

My most sensible plan so far is just to get drunk tonight because then I'll stop caring and no doubt it will come out easily? excess alcohol is not one of the recommended removal techniques listed on the back of the packet

Can anyone help?

hi muddy, that last post made me lol. I remember our first ttc DTD. we we're in London. it was Nov. staayimg in a tiny Travelodge room. we had planned not to start ttc until the Jan but I was off bcp so we were using condoms. my bro had just had his first and we decided we didn't really know why we were waiting. I remember us both feeling like wed done something very wrong! was very exciting at the same time though. my how things have changed since that night! haha!

sorry lemon, for temps and charts I'm your viroid. mooncups not so much. I do think the be relaxed approach has to be way forward, booze or not.

Hi muddy waves

indigo today you are pregnant, repeat after me...

honey series 1 and 2?

I remember my first post pill shag we went to dinner and I said 'wow - we might have just made a baby!'
Little did I know it would take another 19 months if shagging!

I'm cycle-ly challenged though so I hope you don't think I'm the norm, you'll hopefully be much quicker!

lemon go have a cup of tea and then try again. Sounds weird but if it gets stuck try getting it out while on the loo or squatting and pushing. Don't just pull it, give the cup a squeeze and the seal should break. The more stressed you get the more difficult it will be!

Now I'm worried that my graphic guide to removing a stuck mooncup has scared everyone into silence.

After our first ttc dtd I stood up and shouted pointing at my foofoo. ..

"Go on you little fuckers!!"

I'm classy.

Lemon Battlestar Galactica. Brilliant, even if sci fi isn't your thing. Honestly, great! And yes, Alex is hot.

La yeah, both. Loved to end of the season two finale, if you've seen it. Made me lol.

Jelly keep watching, it's great!

Ha ha ha Sunshine! Lemon, squat and cough!

Haha Kes def a classy bird! Feel like I need to shout something too. Reckon it needs to be super motivational and suitably weird to scare dh, make him think I'm starting how I mean to on.

Leela that sucks it's taking so long though I understand that's not unusual. Guess I'll have to wait and see

don't worry about la muddy, she's one of our grads

lolling at the "squat and cough"

Ooh yes I should've said I was successful! Am up the proverbial duff. Also that a lot of those months were my own fault for not shagging enough or shagging at the wrong time.

I'll bugger back off again sorry...

I'm addicted to fruit pastille ice lollies