Dear Santa, we've been a bit naughty in all the right ways, & given our husbands plenty of lays, we don't need presents under our tree's, we'd all be happy to get BFPs!! Love the Viroids....JSing 34!!

[lildottie]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 33 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2237187-The-home-of-sporn-lovers-and-cunthawks-make-sure-the-ewcm-is-coming-from-the-right-hole-and-don-your-capes-but-dont-put-parsley-up-your-chuff-for-JUST-SHAGGING-Part-33?" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2243337-Hop-aboard-the-good-ship-JS-Grads-for-its-sweet-16th-pregnancy-party-Don-your-party-hats-grab-a-bouncy-ball-and-quaff-copious-amounts-of-raspberry-leaf-to-celebrate-our-coming-of-age" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="//www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!

mainly to stop being angry at my twatty cycle fucking about

Ouch lil that sounds horrendous! GX xx

contraband help required... obviously I don't use it, this is purely hypothetical but my cb dual hormone thingy has been flashing high the last 2 days, I've just done a ic opk and even the control line is faint and there's not even a shadow of anything else. is this normal? or is the cb a load of bull or have I got dodgy opk's?

answered my own question ignore me! :-)

And the answer is....?

I got a faint second line today on opk. Normally i get bugger all so its pretty good for me. Expect it to be a bit darker tomorrow. And then should my temp go up the next day? Lil?

sorry lol! it's because the high on the cb one is measuring the rise in estrogen before lh surge and it's the peak that measures the lh, so when it turns peak I should also get a pos opk :-) x

kh that is correct. 10 points!

honey don't get down if it takes a while longer to get dark as control. I used to get 2weeks of faint lines! and temp rise usually 2days after pos opk for me as icing day after pos.

fleur I'm actually not to bothered about the injections.....yet. appt is 16th noniks at 8 fucking 30!!!!

Hi viroids I introduced myself a while ago and got a lovely welcome so thank-you.

I've previously been hanging out on my first 2ww thread but got a bfn last week so dusting myself off and venturing out of that to join in with you.. As a newbie the Conception board is a bit of a scary fast moving place but from what I've seen I think I will like it in here.

I do however have a confession... I bought a thermometer on amazon. The worst part? The branding on it says 'baby mad' I didn't realise until I took it out of the box. It also states the best way to use is rectal insertion

I'm only on cycle 2 so I'm thinking it may stay in the drawer for a while!! JSing is sounding like the most appealing course of action right now

Clueless.... Welcome! Yes JS is how we roll (haha!)

Well my DH has requested that I don't POAS until next week so I am going to listen to him.

Aww kez might be sensible though.

Hi dill welcome back :) I got one of those baby mad thermometers. They are very badly named lol

hi dill welcome back. I also have baby mad bbt. forget temping rectally. I get on fine doing it orally. if u don't get clear charts after a couple of months orally a few viroids have found vaginal temping better (don't think I'd have gone that far, even my most jaggedly charts confirm icing with the addition of opks!)

Good luck in the morning jelly! Welcome back dil

Hi Dill! I do my temping vaginally as I am a mouth breather. So my charts look like the Andes and tell me nothing.

Thanks Lil for your help. I think that might have been where I was going wrong last month. I stopped shagging on day I got + OPK as I thought that meant it was done. I shall keep shagging until my temp is up for three days.

We tried tonight but poor DH has a cold and couldn't breathe properly when he was upright. Sad times.

Jelly I am crossing my gingers for you tomorrow. Best of luck and if it isn't a BFP but it will be then try not to get too down. If there is no red witch, there is no need to worry.

oh honey poor dh! definitely keep going until ff confirms icing. opk only detect the surge before ov. surge happens 12-36 hrs before icing which is y icing usually day after pos opk. smep suggests doing day of opk, next day, day after (so day before of and after ov)then miss a day and go again once more for luck.

honey sorry but that made me laugh! Sad times indeed. A friend of mine was ttc a long time ago (before I appreciated what a stressful time it must have been) and she told me about the 'sick sex' she'd been having. My mind went to a different place until she cleared up that she was talking about how ill her DH was but that he was still doing his best!! I remember thinking it was a bit grim and having a good laugh with her...

Give me a few more months weeks and I'd probably do the same!

Glad I don't have to throw the thermometer out just yet! I'm still a bit lost with the whole temping thing but I'm sure I'll figure it out as I go.

dill do u want a referral link to the app we all use for some free time with extra features. if so pm me ur email. might be best to wait until u start temping to use it though. some of the viroids have added me as a friend on there too so I can help look at their charts when they make no sense need a second opinion.

Oh yes please. I have a period tracker app, phone has died and can't remember it's name (might just be period tracker) it doesn't have too much functionality and I don't think you can add people, basically I just tap it when period starts and ends and flowers appear on a branch when it predicts I'm fertile - sounds so twee written down!

I usually use my work email for everything but probably not something I want anyone to see over my shoulder so I might quickly set up a new email account to save me searching through millions of spam in my old hotmail.

I'll pm you tomorrow. Thanks so much

I do not appreciate seeing 3am when alcohol and a dance floor have not been involved.

Head will not switch off! I'm never like this!

Right, come on then! It's Thursday so where is this POAS party we were promised? Wake up!!

Welcome back clueless. It can be hard to keep up as we talk nonsense all the time but it's all good fun!

Welcome back mountain, take it easy on yourself still. Tears are completely understandable.

Off to Belgium today - festive markets ahoy!

Morning viroids!

Haven't posted much the past few days, but I have been reading the Fred from time to time to try and not end up too far behind! These Freds move so fast!!!

I've been feeling ill this week. . I keep getting short periods of time where I'm feeling nauseous and really headachey and then it sort of eases off for a few hours before coming back with a vengeance, I've also had problems sleeping. Combined with the cramps I'm hoping this means AF is really on her way... Though I never really suffered with any PMT symptoms other than a bit of cramping before BC so I could of course just be ill.

Last night I got home about half 7, did actually be sick (first time - before I was feeling nauseous, but not actually being sick) and went straight to bed. I clearly needed a lot of sleep. Feeling much better this morning compared to yesterday - hoping it lasts at least for the day today as I'm on a school trip!

Ladies I need a hooyah, first TWOT since June and I'm symptom spotting like mad!

It's far too early too

Morning all!

BFN as expected. Not down at all. No sign of the witch (yet). Still getting cramps and feeling sick. OPK's still negative. So all in all I have no idea what's going on haha!

Ok Mind fuck time. Just about to chuck the test away at the 10 min mark and I see this. It's mega mega mega faint and I don't think it's actually there (I think it's evap).